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I sometimes have trouble believing my T really means the nice/supportive things she tells me. For example, the other day I showed her a picture of me wearing a dress and she told me how great she thought I looked in it...but just minutes before that, we had been talking about how bad I feel when my friends get compliments from guys or whatever and I don't. Who knows if she was just saying that to make me feel better and help with my low self-esteem?

I mean, let's face it, my problems are the reason I'm there every week and it's her job to help me overcome them. So who knows when she's being honest and when she isn't?

I don't know. Can you?

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Originally Posted by earthmamma

I don't know. Can you?

Like I said, sometimes I don't. But my question was if it's justified to believe in it.

My T promises he will never lie to me. He will avoid answering certain questions. He will avoid commenting on certain things, but he will not lie. I have decided to believe him on that.

Sounds like this is about you needing to find a way to trust more than it is about whether your T is honest or not.

[autotelica]

I allow my therapist to tell me white lies, just like anyone else. She will sometimes gush that I am SO smart in such an over-the-top way that makes me feel like a mentally handicapped child who just went potty. And my intelligence is an area of shame for me, too. But what am I going to do? Grill her until she breaks down and concedes that I'm stupid? What purpose would that serve to my fragile ego?

Did you know that people who are depressed tend to have a more accurate appraisal of themselves compared to non-depressed people? Great, right? What this tells me is that honesty ain't all that it's cracked up to be. Maybe being a bit deluded is not such a bad idea.

I saw a very obese woman the other day, wearing a very form-fitting outfit that showed a lot of skin. The judgmental part of me reacted negatively, but I also was envious because I realized what her inner voice was probably saying. "I know I look good!" I wish I could program my inner voice to be that confident and defiant.

[stopdog]

I don't think a client can know for sure about a therapist. They are wily. But how do you know about anyone else either? And does it really matter? If it bothered me, I would tell the therapist to not say such things to me and then I would not have to worry about it.

Originally Posted by stopdog

If it bothered me, I would tell the therapist to not say such things to me and then I would not have to worry about it.

I tell my T to stop saying such things to me all the time. She always answers with a resounding NO.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

I tell my T to stop saying such things to me all the time. She always answers with a resounding NO.

The one I see has complied with my request.

[Anne2.0]

Have you ever had someone doubt your honesty in what you are saying? i work with newly minted lawyers and try to give them a lot of feedback, both positive and negative, and while most handle the positive very well, every once in awhile, someone will say something like "oh you're just saying that to be nice to me or encourage me."

It's incredibly annoying to be the person whose honesty is doubted. I think it can probably do more damage to a relationship than anything else.

From being the one doubting others, I also know that there is an incredible amount of energy expended when you don't take what people say at face value, energy that could be spent elsewhere. You can't ever really know whether someone is being honest, although we all think we can trust our gut instincts, so doubting just turns into looking to have your doubt confirmed and that tends to be an ugly, self fulfilling prophesy where your doubt turns people off so they return with less than loving responses.

I don't see the benefit in doubting what anyone, especially a T where I think they try hard to be honest in the context of working with people who have been hurt by lies in the past, says. I see accepting what people say at face value as having the benefit of not pissing people off and being able to expend that doubting/defensive energy into something more productive. It's also just a simpler way to live, in the moment rather than always looking behind it to double check your probably incorrect assumptions.