[Simina]

Hi all,

When your life is all well, neat and tidy and feels happy and successful , boundaries is a word you like, in the end you don't want to be disturbed from your focus, from your plans. But when things are not that rosy, you feel a bit lonely, a bit confused about the future, worried, then 'boundaries' get a negative connotation, they imply rejection. You are alone and you'd like to reach out, to talk but then you feel the boundaries. Everybody is busy with their lives, the person you trust has 'boundaries' that you can't cross and you don't as you don't wanna do smth. bad, create a bad reputation... And here you are, respecting all the possible boundaries in the world, in your room, in the house you grew up, in front of the laptop (man's best friend, in the absence of a dog&cat).
Doesn't even feel sad anymore, at some point it gets numb.
And now what I was wondering, therapist/friend relationship, what do you think is more plausible, possible to happen, to change a therapist into a friend, after the T ended, or to change a friend (who is a counselor by training) into your T? What is your opinion on this?
For me I think that if I've met a psychologist as a friend in 'real' life and developed a relationship, I couldn't have him as a T, while in the other case, if the T agrees, since he knows me, friendship would be possible. What do you think?

[Miswimmy1]

A t can't be a friend and a friend can't be a t. It just won't work in the therapy world. :/

[rainbow8]

I agree with Miswimmy. Neither situation is going to work and you'll most likely get hurt in the end.

[stopdog]

I had a therapist with whom I became friends. It was not a big deal. I would never ever use any friend I had as a therapist.

I don't think either scenerio is healthy. I have numerous friends who are therapists in the local community and I know that I can never cross that boundary and attempt to convert them into being my therapist. I can meet with them and commiserate and ask for "friend" support and guidance, but I am never going to ask them to be my therapist in a "casual" sense (ie while meeting for coffee or going out for a bite or while they stop over my house for a casual lunch). This is crossing a boundary of friendship and it's something therapists, doctors and lawyers constantly face and have to deal with.

But perhaps even more significant is my understanding and determination to never infringe on our friendship by asking him/her to see me as a "client". In essence, I am asking that person to change their relationship with me. I'm asking her/him to no longer be my friend/confidant and to become my "Paid" professional therapist. It doesn't work! It throws so many weird and uncomfortable blocks into the relationship. I think it's fine to ask a professional friend for their advice and/or recommendation for a compentent and capable therapist, doctor, lawyer, but to ask him/her to fulfill that role is a mistake and one that often comes back to bit you on the butt.

Hope things work out for you. And please know this is only my take on things and definitely not something that has to work for you. Take care!

[Sila]

I think having a prior T as a friend would be awkward. You opened your heart to them and told them so many things- sometimes things you don't even tell friends. They've analyzed your thought processes and stuff, it'd put an awkward air around the friendship.