[Miswimmy1]

It's a game and I don't feel like playing. U always have to be thinking fast. Have to stay on top of it. Read between the lines. It's so exhausting. I feel like a pawn if I don't constantly think that t is implying something. I don't wanna be the one caught off guard, looking stupid. I don't wanna be the one who falls for something too good to be true. I feel so alone in it all.

[retro_chic]

Therapy really is exhausting. I have been going for two years now and I don't think I have made any sort of improvement. If therapy is a game, I am losing.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

It's a game and I don't feel like playing. U always have to be thinking fast. Have to stay on top of it. Read between the lines. It's so exhausting.

Maybe you are trying to keep control. If you relax and let it go where it wants to, it won't be so exhausting.

However, that means taking a risk. You might, at first, not like where it takes you.

In the beginning we find ourselves analysing why we opened a door the way we did.... Therapy becomes manageable as we grow in it.

maybe its because i am older, or because i have been at it awhile. but i dont feel this way about therapy. i used to, when i first started, with my 1st t. now i am a lot more laid back. i dont feel like its a game at all. but,i am extremely blessed to have the therapist i have and i know she isnt trying to trickme, there are no mind games involved, etc.

[KazzaX]

It def feels like a game to me. It feels a bit like she (T) is trying to make me engage in some mind game that is long term, and i haven't been told the rules beforehand, and I have no idea what game I am supposed to be playing. But you can't ask anything about the game.. you have to learn it yourself!

I don't go for the "T implying things" bs though. I don't know if she does or not, but I just tune out any implications that may be there. Implications are a waste of precious mind energy, which i dont have much of. I figure if its important she will tell me straight up. She may well be implying things left right and center but I am missing them because I do not play games.

[autotelica]

I'm curious why you think it's a game.

I have never thought of it as a game. I accept what she says (generally) at face value and don't try to "read between the lines". Maybe I have been tricked and bamboozled, but I don't think so. I don't really know how being tricked would manifest itself in a therapeutic relationship. Can you elaborate?

[Anne2.0]

I have had three T's and around 7 years of therapy, and I haven't ever felt that it was a game where the moments between us are loaded in the ways that you describe. I do think that this would be a great topic to bring to therapy; your description is very vivid and I think it says a lot about how you feel in your therapy.

I've never thought of therapy in the terms you describe. Kind of sounds like you overthink and overanalyze every word or something, like you are expecting something to be pulled over on you. I just take it pretty much at face value. No need to read between the lines. My T is honest and straight-forward with me, and if I don't understand quite what he is saying, I just ask him to clarify for me. Much less exhausting mentally than what you describe.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Kind of sounds like you overthink and overanalyze every word or something, like you are expecting something to be pulled over on you. No need to read between the lines.

This could well be true, but letting go of hyper-vigilance is the work of a lifetime.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This could well be true, but letting go of hyper-vigilance is the work of a lifetime.

Of course. It all starts first with just being aware that of what you are doing. Step at a time.

[roads]

If you're engaging in therapy as a game, then you're objectifying it--holding it at arm's distance. Just by labeling it "Game," you're saying it isn't your life--and real therapy is.

My opinion only ... these other folks have actually been saying more or less the same thing in other ways. But in my opinion you aren't ready for therapy. You're still fighting for control of it all ... & therapy works best, I think, once we've realized that's never going to happen--but that's okay.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Roadie

If you're engaging in therapy as a game, then you're objectifying it--holding it at arm's distance. Just by labeling it "Game," you're saying it isn't your life--and real therapy is.

My opinion only ... these other folks have actually been saying more or less the same thing in other ways. But in my opinion you aren't ready for therapy. You're still fighting for control of it all ... & therapy works best, I think, once we've realized that's never going to happen--but that's okay.

You can't be "ready" for therapy any more than you can be ready for parenthood. You just have to hold your nose and jump in.

[adel34]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way!
I've never felt like this. Always enjoyed the connection I get from being in therapy, feeling supported and cared about.

[tigerlily84]

((Miswimmy))

I can relate. During my sessions, I feel close and connected to my t. I enjoy her support, like how adel34 has described. It's after my sessions, I start to analyze things that she said, and trying to read between the lines. In my case however, I have huge trust issues. I hope one day to learn how to let go. Sorry you're feeling this way.

[tasche13]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

((Miswimmy))

I can relate. During my sessions, I feel close and connected to my t. I enjoy her support, like how adel34 has described. It's after my sessions, I start to analyze things that she said, and trying to read between the lines. In my case however, I have huge trust issues. I hope one day to learn how to let go. Sorry you're feeling this way.

Sometimes it is a "game" you play out the situations you'll encounter in life in the safe environment of the office. As a T she has no agenda other than to help you. Truly.

[elysia]

I think I can relate a bit. Therapy is a chess game for me right now. I tell my T how not to re-traumatize me, and she complains about it. She always wants to push me to the point where I'm reliving my assault. I ask her to explain in advance what she wants from me but she doesn't directly answer. So often I feel like I never know what to expect the next session. I never thought about it like that before, but I guess it is a bit of a game.... I would so much prefer direct clear communication but it's only half in my control. Sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread and go on a rant about my T issues.... just wanted to say I can understand this feeling.

[sconnie892]

I often felt this way when I started therapy. I was very concerned about how I phrased things for my t, because occasionally I felt misunderstood. And I didn't feel like I could say "Wait, that's not what I meant." I also felt immense pressure to answer t's questions immediately. The session clock was ticking and I owed t an answer NOW.

A year later I finally understood that it was okay to change what I said. It was okay to say, "I need to think about it more." or "I am not sure how to answer but let's keep working at it." I trusted that t knew me well enough to allow that.

I don't think therapy is a game. T is not the defense or the offense. T isn't going to try a quarterback sneak on you in session (or after session). You need to be on the same team...and in a team you have to let go of all the control and work together toward the same goal.

[elliemay]

I do understand how you feel somewhat. I know I have felt the push pull of therapy. Especially when I first started.

One thing that I hope you will consider is that the therapist really isn't in the "game" with you. What is their goal? What would they "win"? Why would they be looking to pull one over on you?

I sure do get the notion of feeling sucked in only to have the rug pulled out from under you, but I also think you have to look at your therapist's motivation.

What could they possibly gain by doing that to you?

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I do understand how you feel somewhat. I know I have felt the push pull of therapy. Especially when I first started.

One thing that I hope you will consider is that the therapist really isn't in the "game" with you. What is their goal? What would they "win"? Why would they be looking to pull one over on you?

I sure do get the notion of feeling sucked in only to have the rug pulled out from under you, but I also think you have to look at your therapist's motivation.

What could they possibly gain by doing that to you?

I hadn't thought of it that way, about their motivation. I guess that my t has no motivation to do that to me. But I still feel that way. To me, this is one of those situations where the rationality of it and my emotions dont match up.

[elysia]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

To me, this is one of those situations where the rationality of it and my emotions dont match up.

To me, this sums up my PTSD perfectly. The traumatized part of myself does not grasp safety, even while the adult part of myself can intellectualize that I am safe.

It might be worth bringing up this last sentence you typed to T. I found that doing so (discussing the disparity with my mind vs body) actually made me have this breakthrough after lots of stagnation. For me, personally, I learned that there is no communication between the traumatized, or frightened, part of myself and the rational part of myself. I need to learn to accept and work with the part of myself that is frightened or distrustful of the T process. Or, it could be simpler, like a bad match T (which I think I have right now), but either way, definitely something worth discussing in T.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I hadn't thought of it that way, about their motivation. I guess that my t has no motivation to do that to me. But I still feel that way. To me, this is one of those situations where the rationality of it and my emotions dont match up.

Ah! but now you see the distortion in your thinking and you get to decide how you react - not how you feel, but how you react.

Feelings take a long time to change, actions, however, with courage and presence of mind can come round a little bit quicker.

Good luck!

[Sannah]

Swimmy, who in your life plays this game with you? Is it your dad?

[Miswimmy1]

I don't know what u mean..?

[Sannah]

If you go into therapy and think that she is playing a game with you, you must have experience with other people doing this with you. You had to learn that this is what people do.