#####Trigger for touch

Dear GTGT,

Thank you for the lovely music you brought into my life.

And, thank you for your courage, for doing this work in the way it needs to be done for success.

I am so grateful to you for the opportunity to reaffirm, for myself, that what I do, and how I do it, is viable and helpful. It is so rewarding to see your progress towards healing.

Thank you also for the work you do with the little people. One child at a time, to whom you give the chance of a brighter future.

For all you do, for all you've done, and for all you will do, I thank you.

Love,

FM

***My therapist gave this thank you card to me when I walked in this morning. I chose not to open it until I left. I was in a negative space, and I unleashed junk on her, telling her she was doing therapy wrong, because people on the forum say it is so. Poor excuse on my part. I fought my need and my want to be held. I am grateful she did not give up. From what I hear about many therapist they would have sent me packing months ago. Every time I enter that room, I need to TRUST, that is the only way for us to go forward and for me to heal. I need to respect our process, and in turn I need to respect others' therapeutic processes.

I have no regrets for what I need and what I do in therapy.

P.S: We gave a gift of two CD's by one of my favorite artist, George Winston.

[stopdog]

As long as it is working for you, why worry about what others think or tell the therapist anonymous posters on a forum may not agree?
Glad it is working for you. We do not all want or need the same type of therapists/therapy.

[QUOTE=stopdog;2725742]As long as it is working for you, why worry about what others think?
Glad it is working for you. We do not all want or need the same type of therapists/therapy.[/QUOTE

It's my nature. Maybe the nature of many on PC to care what people think. I could be wrong about that. Touch seems to trigger a lot of people on PC, and I am willing to be respectful of that. I mainly posted so that people may try to understand that they also give to their therapist - why a therapist may thank a client. Words written by a T...

Thanks for responding stopdog.

Everyone's process is different and unique. Your process is yours. Whatever you need to do for you to heal is what's important. Keep on truckin.

[Anne2.0]

I'm not sure that you are accurately perceiving what "people on the forum" or "a lot of people on PC" have actually said, but I don't exhaustively read this board.

My perception, for what it's worth, is that people are not so much "triggered" by talk of touch with a T, but are of the "not for me, I don't wanna, maybe ew . . . camp." And there are many people who have written about the healing role of touch in T, it makes intellectual sense to me that it would be an important part of healing for some, if not many, people.

Do you want everyone to agree with you? And I don't really think it's about agreement or not-- I haven't heard anyone say that touch is immoral between T and client or that touch is bad for all clients. As disagreements go on PC, this is a pretty mild one and it seems to be more clearly about what others often are but for some reason can't be-- which is that different things work for different people. I don't see anyone telling you that you are not doing therapy right because of this issue, or that your T is somehow wrong. But if you're looking for universal agreement on the 'net, that's going to be a long search party.

Maybe you're not so comfortable thinking that you might be in a minority? I have no idea how this issue might come down quantitatively, although I think a recent poll suggested that 50% of clients engage in some kind of touch with their T's. But outside of sexual content, which I think we universally or nearly universally agree about, I don't think there is one thing in therapy that people here say is just wrong or just right.

In my perception, anyway. And although I think stopdog has a good point about giving up caring about what others think, a less radical position might be to not turn this issue, or any other, into a me-versus-the-other-people-on-PC issue. Because from where I stand, it just isn't it. And then it might make sense to ask yourself why you are imputing that interpretation into this setting.

Originally Posted by Jersey01

Everyone's process is different and unique. Your process is yours. Whatever you need to do for you to heal is what's important. Keep on truckin.

Fortunately that's the only thing any of us can do. I will keep posting. Thanks for the lift - GTGT.

Best of luck in your truckin jersey01.

[WikidPissah]

I am one of the PC'ers who freaks at the thought of touching t or being touched by T. That being said, I would NEVER tell you that it isn't good for you, or that you shouldn't post about it. I post things that trigger others at times. We all have our own journey, so glad your is going well and keep posting.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I'm not sure that you are accurately perceiving what "people on the forum" or "a lot of people on PC" have actually said, but I don't exhaustively read this board.

My perception, for what it's worth, is that people are not so much "triggered" by talk of touch with a T, but are of the "not for me, I don't wanna, maybe ew . . . camp." And there are many people who have written about the healing role of touch in T, it makes intellectual sense to me that it would be an important part of healing for some, if not many, people.

Do you want everyone to agree with you? And I don't really think it's about agreement or not-- I haven't heard anyone say that touch is immoral between T and client or that touch is bad for all clients. As disagreements go on PC, this is a pretty mild one and it seems to be more clearly about what others often are but for some reason can't be-- which is that different things work for different people. I don't see anyone telling you that you are not doing therapy right because of this issue, or that your T is somehow wrong. But if you're looking for universal agreement on the 'net, that's going to be a long search party.

Maybe you're not so comfortable thinking that you might be in a minority? I have no idea how this issue might come down quantitatively, although I think a recent poll suggested that 50% of clients engage in some kind of touch with their T's. But outside of sexual content, which I think we universally or nearly universally agree about, I don't think there is one thing in therapy that people here say is just wrong or just right.

In my perception, anyway. And although I think stopdog has a good point about giving up caring about what others think, a less radical position might be to not turn this issue, or any other, into a me-versus-the-other-people-on-PC issue. Because from where I stand, it just isn't it. And then it might make sense to ask yourself why you are imputing that interpretation into this setting.

I don't think I am turning it in to a me versus the other people on TC. I read a thread today that someone was triggered by a therapy touch postings on PC. I did post one. Triggering has been said before. Yes I've also seen the not for me the ick post. If you read all of my post I only speak for what is right for ME, no one else. Where do you feel I or others should post if they get a trigger by these post? Can I not respond by letting those that are triggered best not to read? Just trying to be polite. I am not putting anyone down, I have said to each his or her own.

If you read the other threads fully, a good bye hug, handshake, whatever is the norm, and that's okay. People will get what they ask for out of therapy. And it's okay Anne. I processed these feelings with my therapist and I feel solid about it.

It's interesting that you don't post about the thank you. I'm not looking to get into a P ISS IN contest with you or anyone one else on PC. I'm bound to lose to all the educated people on here.

Anne I dont know if you've finished your healing, but best of luck in your journey to heal if you haven't.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

It's interesting that you don't post about the thank you. I'm not looking to get into a P ISS IN contest with you or anyone one else on PC. I'm bound to lose to all the educated people on here.

Anne I dont know if you've finished your healing, but best of luck in your journey to heal if you haven't.

I'm not interested in a p i s s i n g contest either. I'm still not sure that just because one person posted that she was triggered by a post about touching means more than that, one person. But I suppose if I were to say more about that, I might be in said contest

I think that your T's note to you was extraordinarily loving and lovely. I am glad that you have it to hold onto those positive thoughts and affirmations. And I meant to say that in my last post, but was distracted by the side issue.

Thank you for your good wishes, and back at ya.

[mixedup_emotions]

That's an awesome letter from your T. It reminds me of early on in therapy, my T told me that he gets something out of it as well - and proceeded to tell me some of the things that were valuable to him. I never realized that our relationship in therapy could have a benefit to him as well, other than financial of course.

About the touch and PC related stuff....You mentioned that it was interesting that people didn't respond about the letter...but it seemed that the letter was simply a prelude to a much stronger message that you relayed.

My BPD-radar went off quite loudly, which makes me kinda sad because I hate the idea that my experiences have caused me to put people in a certain category before establishing that they are truly individuals. That's my work, I suppose.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

That's an awesome letter from your T. It reminds me of early on in therapy, my T told me that he gets something out of it as well - and proceeded to tell me some of the things that were valuable to him. I never realized that our relationship in therapy could have a benefit to him as well, other than financial of course.

About the touch and PC related stuff....You mentioned that it was interesting that people didn't respond about the letter...but it seemed that the letter was simply a prelude to a much stronger message that you relayed.

My BPD-radar went off quite loudly, which makes me kinda sad because I hate the idea that my experiences have caused me to put people in a certain category before establishing that they are truly individuals. That's my work, I suppose.

Thanks for responding. I first and foremost wanted to share my card. Another thread asked about why a therapist would thank a client.

The letter was for me to re establish that what I was being offered in therapy was okay. I was very triggered by someone I triggered today. Yes, I too have questioned along the way why she cares. The only thing I found on line was that it was wrong. When I found PC this summer, the touch debate was ringing loudly in some threads. When I started posting about my touch mid October; "boundaries" seem to be the prevailing word. Quite a few posters felt What I was posting and others were posting about extensive nonsexual touch was wrong - not all, and some felt if it isn't offered to other clients its wrong. I seemed to have missed my mark.

I'm not sure what you mean by BPD radar went off. And, I don't care to know. I was talking to my therapist a few weeks ago, because it always comes up here. She said its in the DSM-IV, it's a trash can diagnosis that a lot of therapist give when they see a patient that they want to give up on, and it makes her really angry, and sad. Clients then take it on, and feel their is no hope for themselves, and live out a series of symptoms, because that was proscribed to them. I did ask her if that was me. "You are so far from that diagnosis." Since it makes her sad that people give up on themselves, it doesn't allow me to help those that live by it.

Best of luck in your journey.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I am one of the PC'ers who freaks at the thought of touching t or being touched by T. That being said, I would NEVER tell you that it isn't good for you, or that you shouldn't post about it. I post things that trigger others at times. We all have our own journey, so glad your is going well and keep posting.

Thank you for responding. Yes, it was your post I was triggered by. I was triggered by my post triggering you. You mentioned the post triggered you, and how "icked out" you were about reading a post about therapist touch. I was upset. My intent is not to upset anyone. Just to tell my story. I know I inevitably wil upset some.I processed my being upset in session. It just took a while for me to circle around in session. Your post allowed me to see that I can still get knocked on my keister, and get up pretty quickly. Thanks for this. I will keep posting, and be more conscientious of my words, especially, because of the responses to this thread.

I read on another thread that you are not feeling well. I wish you quick healing.

Thanks again WikidPissah ( cool name).

[Ike McCaslin]

Very nice letter GTGT. Validating.

Originally Posted by Ike McCaslin

Very nice letter GTGT. Validating.

Thank you. And, thank you for your service to our country, Ike McCaslin.

[Ike McCaslin]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

Thank you. And, thank you for your service to our country, Ike McCaslin.

You lost me, GTGT?

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

... I'm not sure what you mean by BPD radar went off. And, I don't care to know. I was talking to my therapist a few weeks ago, because it always comes up here. She said its in the DSM-IV, it's a trash can diagnosis that a lot of therapist give when they see a patient that they want to give up on, and it makes her really angry, and sad. Clients then take it on, and feel their is no hope for themselves, and live out a series of symptoms, because that was proscribed to them. I did ask her if that was me. "You are so far from that diagnosis." Since it makes her sad that people give up on themselves, it doesn't allow me to help those that live by it...

It was a sweet letter she wrote, GTGT, and I'm glad your therapy is going well - you seem to have a great relationship with your T - and I'm glad you find touch healing. My therapist and I share hugs, and it has felt healing to me, too.

Can't help but take a little bit of an exception to what you've posted about BPD, though. I'm not sure about 'trash can diagnosis'... I think the BPD diagnosis can be important in getting individuals the right treatment, because regular therapy and other tried and tested methods for other conditions/issues/problems/diagnoses don't always seem to work well with the 'borderline'. Perhaps some people get 'lumped in' to this diagnosis wrongly, and perhaps it is largely a misunderstood diagnosis... but there IS hope for those diagnosed as BPD, it's about getting the right treatment, and I think that's an important point to understand. Also, all 'borderlines' aren't completely alike, in the way all people with depression aren't alike, all people with bipolar... I don't think it's fair to write off peoples problems as 'something they were prescribed' by being given a diagnosis. Some of us have had these problems all our lives and have been searching for answers as to why. The diagnosis can offer an answer, an 'aha' moment, lead to information and treatment and for us to understand ourselves. It isn't about 'Oh, I'm BPD, therefore I can give up on myself, and have permission to act out...' which is what you seem to imply. I'm glad for you that you're 'so far from this diagnosis', I'm glad you aren't living it, but please think carefully about what you write concerning other diagnoses -especially when on a board with people with that diagnosis. How would you feel about people basically saying 'thankfully, my therapist doesn't think I'm like you!' which is kind of how that comes off. We all have our crosses to bear, you know? I sincerely don't think you meant to cause offense, but I felt like I needed to make a point about this.

I hope you'll continue to post, GTGT, and that you feel comfortable to continue posting around the board and not just confine your posts to the Roll Call or 'Dear T' threads. There is room to respectfully disagree and for people to have different opinions, and I don't think your posts are triggering, for what it's worth. If your therapy is working for you, and you know it's all ethical and above board, then why worry what others may or may not think? Don't let it bring you down

Originally Posted by Ike McCaslin

You lost me, GTGT?

Oops! I thought you were a poster that was in the military. My memory is shot sometimes. My apologies.

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

It was a sweet letter she wrote, GTGT, and I'm glad your therapy is going well - you seem to have a great relationship with your T - and I'm glad you find touch healing. My therapist and I share hugs, and it has felt healing to me, too.

Can't help but take a little bit of an exception to what you've posted about BPD, though. I'm not sure about 'trash can diagnosis'... I think the BPD diagnosis can be important in getting individuals the right treatment, because regular therapy and other tried and tested methods for other conditions/issues/problems/diagnoses don't always seem to work well with the 'borderline'. Perhaps some people get 'lumped in' to this diagnosis wrongly, and perhaps it is largely a misunderstood diagnosis... but there IS hope for those diagnosed as BPD, it's about getting the right treatment, and I think that's an important point to understand. Also, all 'borderlines' aren't completely alike, in the way all people with depression aren't alike, all people with bipolar... I don't think it's fair to write off peoples problems as 'something they were prescribed' by being given a diagnosis. Some of us have had these problems all our lives and have been searching for answers as to why. The diagnosis can offer an answer, an 'aha' moment, lead to information and treatment and for us to understand ourselves. It isn't about 'Oh, I'm BPD, therefore I can give up on myself, and have permission to act out...' which is what you seem to imply. I'm glad for you that you're 'so far from this diagnosis', I'm glad you aren't living it, but please think carefully about what you write concerning other diagnoses -especially when on a board with people with that diagnosis. How would you feel about people basically saying 'thankfully, my therapist doesn't think I'm like you!' which is kind of how that comes off. We all have our crosses to bear, you know? I sincerely don't think you meant to cause offense, but I felt like I needed to make a point about this.

I hope you'll continue to post, GTGT, and that you feel comfortable to continue posting around the board and not just confine your posts to the Roll Call or 'Dear T' threads. There is room to respectfully disagree and for people to have different opinions, and I don't think your posts are triggering, for what it's worth. If your therapy is working for you, and you know it's all ethical and above board, then why worry what others may or may not think? Don't let it bring you down

Thank you for your post.

Thank you for correcting me. I owe those with that diagnosis an apology. The harsh term was mine, not my therapist, that's what went off in my head. I have no defense in response to what I posted. I do see the error of my ways, and I appreciate the way you have explained it in away that I can take it in.

I Apologize to all that I have offended with that response. - GTGT

[Ike McCaslin]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

Oops! I thought you were a poster that was in the military. My memory is shot sometimes. My apologies.

No probs, but I have no military service in my background. I have respect for those that do, so felt I needed to set the record straight.

[peridot28]

Wow, how did such a nice thread get so off the rails? Geez!

Anyways, I think that was such a nice letter your therapist gave you.

Originally Posted by peridot28

Wow, how did such a nice thread get so off the rails? Geez!

Anyways, I think that was such a nice letter your therapist gave you.

Thank you for saying that peridot28.

[~EnlightenMe~]

How kind and thoughtful of your T to write you that letter, GTGT! I loved reading it!

I love reading what you write, and I know it is hard at times to not care what people think, but it sounds as if your T is helping you with that I have the same difficulty at times, and it comes from me not believing in myself, from not believing that what I believe is worthy I guess. As far as figuring out the efficacy of your therapy, the proof is in the progress, and you've clearly shown alot of progress! I AM SO HAPPY for YOU! You have a good therapist and I'm glad you have that support! I hope you keep on posting here, you belong here right with the rest of us

Originally Posted by Antimatter

How kind and thoughtful of your T to write you that letter, GTGT! I loved reading it!

I love reading what you write, and I know it is hard at times to not care what people think, but it sounds as if your T is helping you with that I have the same difficulty at times, and it comes from me not believing in myself, from not believing that what I believe is worthy I guess. As far as figuring out the efficacy of your therapy, the proof is in the progress, and you've clearly shown alot of progress! I AM SO HAPPY for YOU! You have a good therapist and I'm glad you have that support! I hope you keep on posting here, you belong here right with the rest of us

Thank you for your kind words Antimatter.

[0w6c379]

[quote=Goingtogetthere;2725703]#####Trigger for touch

Dear GTGT,

Thank you for the lovely music you brought into my life.

And, thank you for your courage, for doing this work in the way it needs to be done for success.

I am so grateful to you for the opportunity to reaffirm, for myself, that what I do, and how I do it, is viable and helpful. It is so rewarding to see your progress towards healing.

Thank you also for the work you do with the little people. One child at a time, to whom you give the chance of a brighter future.

For all you do, for all you've done, and for all you will do, I thank you.

Love,

FM
=============================================

I think that is the most beautiful thing a T can do, to write you a personal letter like that. You have worked really hard and have come a long way in T. How wonderful to have your T acknowledge that. I think I would be beaming.

I hope that my T will one day find that I have given him something. That somehow I have affected HIM and have touched him in a very meaningful way.

I think more T's should recognize and let their clients know how much they appreciate them. Years ago I had seen a T for about 4 yrs and when she retired she sent out a standard letter to all her clients. It was very nice indeed but it would have meant more if it were designed a bit more personal. Thanks for your post GTGT!

[QUOTE=Michelle25;2727031]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

#####Trigger for touch

Dear GTGT,

Thank you for the lovely music you brought into my life.

And, thank you for your courage, for doing this work in the way it needs to be done for success.

I am so grateful to you for the opportunity to reaffirm, for myself, that what I do, and how I do it, is viable and helpful. It is so rewarding to see your progress towards healing.

Thank you also for the work you do with the little people. One child at a time, to whom you give the chance of a brighter future.

For all you do, for all you've done, and for all you will do, I thank you.

Love,

FM
=============================================

I think that is the most beautiful thing a T can do, to write you a personal letter like that. You have worked really hard and have come a long way in T. How wonderful to have your T acknowledge that. I think I would be beaming.

I hope that my T will one day find that I have given him something. That somehow I have affected HIM and have touched him in a very meaningful way.

I think more T's should recognize and let their clients know how much they appreciate them. Years ago I had seen a T for about 4 yrs and when she retired she sent out a standard letter to all her clients. It was very nice indeed but it would have meant more if it were designed a bit more personal. Thanks for your post GTGT!

It was a nice , loving gesture on her part, and I feel blessed to finally have a therapist that has shown me that life does have an abundance of happiness. And that I have the right to partake, "I have value, and I have worth." I am sure you have affected your therapist in meaningful ways. Therapy is such a raw relationship, and as it progresses we and they hopefully start wearing the emperor's new clothes.

I was beaming Michelle25, she does so many loving things for me. The other day, she was reaching for the tissue box, so I thought. She actually took a few tissues out of the box, and ever so gently wiped my tears away, and kissed my forehead. I have no memories of my mother being so motherly. I am thankful to her for helping me have a full life.

Michelle25 thank you for your kind words. I wish you and your therapist well on your healing journey.