[Dreamy01]

Some of you might remember I posted a little while back about an issue with my physical appearance. I've never felt very attractive and was labelled ugly as a child. It is an issue that haunts me throughout my life. Even though my ex told me I was beautiful I didn't believe him. I never admitted to him that I didn't think that as he had issues himself and would have taken it personally. So I sort of lived a lie. He often told me that he thought his ex girlfriend (before me) was beautiful at the time but now he doesn't know what he saw in her so I imagine he thinks the same about me now and says it to his current girlfriend.

Anyway, today I briefly mentioned it to T. I told her I struggled with not only the inside but the outside of me. Then I asked to change the subject and we did. Once or twice she did try to bring the session back to the issue on a very subtle level, persumably to test my tolerance, but I got upset so we left it.

Despite this, I'm pleased with myself for bringing this up. It's a horrible issue because I can't avoid my looks and by talking about ugliness it's going to make T even more aware of it. But my reaction today showed me that it's a really painful issue for me that has never been dealt with before. I can't look people in the eye or smile at them because of this. I just hope I get into a better place with T.

Many women have this issue and many times its not based in reality. I am glad you were able to bring it up with T and I hope T can help you. I blame society for this as we are trained from birth as to what a beautiful woman is "supposed" to look like. Even though 99% of us aren't even close to 5' 10' , 100 lbs with blonde hair, blue eyes and size D chest. I know its lame, but beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder...
I also realize that its hard to believe you are beautiful by people simply telling you and having to trust their word when you don't feel that way. Do something nice for yourself, get your hair cut, nails done or buy a new blouse... we can't change the structure of the building, but we can paint it and add flower boxes.

very brave... I hope your T helps you to talk about this....

that is great it must have taken so much courage

[Dreamy01]

Thanks for the support. It's really raw tonight cos I don't feel as though I can look in mirror now I've mentioned it to T. It's stupid I know I just feel like I've spent my life avoiding this with people by pretending I don't care how I look but now it's obvious that I do care and I feel a fool. I don't want anyone to pity me.

It's not about weight I'm actually thin for my height but that doesn't bother me, it's my face I hate.

[likelife]

I think it's amazing that you brought the topic up with your T. It's an area of so much shame for so many women (myself included). And I can appreciate how difficult it can be to talk about it.