[Miswimmy1]

I called the sub t to cancel my appointment on Monday... Now I am freaking out. She asked me if I wanted to reschedule and I said no. What if she tells my t that since I wasn't willing to reschedule, that I am really not as needy as I come off as? That since I didn't reschedule, I can make it between appointments and don't need 3x a week t? Should I explain to my t that the reason I canceled and didn't want to see sub t because I *am* needy and that need is to be able to talk to someone that I trust? Should I trust t to make her own judgements of me based on what she has seen? And not on what sub t tells her? I really don't want t to start reducing my appointments... I'm not ready for that. Im so anxious

My main worry is: Will it have any negative impact on the therapy I am doing with my real t?

As usual, you are over-thinking things. Calm down. You'll see your T in a couple of weeks and be back on schedule. Seems a bit like you are trying to come up with reasons to need to contact your T. Let her rest and recover as much as possible. This can wait until you see her mid-December. Don't turn absolutely nothing into an issue right now. That won't help you cope in a healthy way through these couple of weeks.

[autotelica]

Yes, you are overthinking things. Or rather, overfeeling things. You are letting your fears dictate your thoughts.

Even if she says all of that to your therapist, it doesn't matter. Your therapist knows you much better than someone who has never met you. She's not going to be so easily persuaded.

I think you need to go swimming or crochet or do something else for awhile, Miswimmy. I think it is kind that people give you so much support here, but I sense that you are becoming addicted to support. You've got to start thinking about these things on your own and not rely on us to give you all the answers.

[Wren_]

(((swimmy)) i think you already know the answer based on your question
one guy once said to me something about how my mind always seems to need something to worry on; that minds are clever that way, so try and find something to keep it busy that isn't connected to something that makes you worry?

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I sense that you are becoming addicted to support. You've got to start thinking about these things on your own and not rely on us to give you all the answers.

I just get so doubtful... I'm sry... I can't solidify it in my head... And I know that it's something that I should work on, in addition to everything else. It just helps me to hear it from someone else...

And btw... I can't knit. Or crochet. To save my life lol

[autotelica]

I taught myself how to knit when I was bored one day. I checked out a book from the library and in five minutes, I was knitting a scarf.

It sounds hokey, but it is true. It is really hard to fret when you are keeping your hands busy. And I don't mean typing-on-a-message-board kind of busy.

[Bill3]

I think it is okay to ask questions here when something is on your mind.

I will do my best to reply to each question.

I called the sub t to cancel my appointment on Monday... Now I am freaking out. She asked me if I wanted to reschedule and I said no. What if she tells my t that since I wasn't willing to reschedule, that I am really not as needy as I come off as?

Your t will make her own judgment about how you are doing when you see her again. Clients are often very comfortable with their current t and not willing to substitute in someone else. Your t knows that.

That since I didn't reschedule, I can make it between appointments and don't need 3x a week t?

I don't see a connection here. To my mind, what happens without t has no immediate and obvious bearing on what should happen with t. As above, many clients do not want a substitute t, period.

Should I explain to my t that the reason I canceled and didn't want to see sub t because I *am* needy and that need is to be able to talk to someone that I trust?

How does that make you needy? What client does not want a t known by experience to be trustworthy?

Should I trust t to make her own judgements of me based on what she has seen?

Yes.

And not on what sub t tells her?

If you do not meet with sub t, I don't assume that she is going to tell regular t anything beyond your conversation with her and the fact that she did not meet with you.

I really don't want t to start reducing my appointments... I'm not ready for that. Im so anxious

I have heard nothing that suggests that t would want to reduce your appointments. However, if that subject were to come up, I know that you would be able to discuss the pros and cons with her, and make your feelings known.

What can you do to help reduce the anxiety?

My main worry is: Will it have any negative impact on the therapy I am doing with my real t?

I have not heard or thought of any way that this would happen.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I sent you a PM.

Of course, I can't give you a 100 percent guarantee, but I am close to 100 percent in believing that it won't negatively impact your therapy at all.

If I tell you to stop ruminating, I know first-hand that it might cause you to ruminate more. For me, ruminating when I am fearful causes me to analyze everything going on that might be related to my fear. I will go over any and every possible scenario ad nauseum. The problem is, I am trying to find out if I should be fearful or not, and if I am ruminating about all possibilities, the only leads I will follow are the ones that might possibly, rationally or irrationally, lead to what I fear coming true. So, at that point, I am assessing only the negative outcomes, and I can really come up with some way remote possibilities Swimmy, I hope that you will remain mindful of this, and that the results of your ruminations are probably going to be negative. I think this happens because you don't really have to prepare for positive outcomes, just for negative ones. The problem is, that instead of helping you prepare for it, it might send you into panic mode. I suspect it is an older part of the brain that starts this, as it might be helpful to be on constant alert if you are watching out for saber-tooth tigers.

xT once told me to sit with my feelings of neediness, etc., and that they would lessen if you just sat and noticed your feelings. It took me quite awhile before I could tolerate even hearing that from him, but if you are at a place where you can, then this might help.

Know that there is nothing you have to do right now to be okay.

Keep posting, I am here for you.

Relax, Miswimmy. You're anxious and concerned about whether or not you're going to survivie your Therapist's break. That is perfectly normal!

What you need to recognize is that you're "castaztrophizing" the whole issue. Your therapist gave you a "subsitute" therapist. You immediately went to who is this person and can they be trusted. That's rejection/abandonment issues. Good news is that most of us do this You need to work on the FACTS! Your therapist had surgery. She's okay. The person she referred you to is a "substitue". This person will NOT be your regular therapist and you are NOT required to reveal/talk to/ relate to/be connected to this person. If you feel the need to go to an office to "be somewhere during prescribed" therapy time, then by all means go to the appointment but know that you don't need to do anything other than relate and talk. YOU DO NOT NEED TO TALK about critical or important issues. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to someone in a pleasant and calm manner. And sometimes it's okay to say, "You know what, this isn't what I thought it was going to be. Thank you so much for agreeing to meeting with me." And then it's okay to leave.

BUT if you feel no need for support, validation, recognition, therapization (my own word for NOTHING other than pretend therapy) or just plain old recognition and friendship, then stay home or call a friend. From all that I've read about your relationship with your therapist, you probably don't need anyone else . . . not saying it won't be hard to be without a session . .. it will be painful. . .. but you care about her and know that she cares about you. Hang onto that and wait until you can see each other again and discuss all the pain that the separation caused!!!!

[adel34]

Hi Miswimmy,
In my oppinion, seeing sub t or not has no bearing on therapy with regular t. If you want you can tell her all this, but I doubt she'll be upset by it. She knows you and what your needs are. I'm actually glad you canceled since this sub t was really stirring up strong feelings for you, and may have caused more stress and anxiety than been helpful.

I taught myself to knit with a book and watching a video on youtube. I find knitting and crocheting both really helpful when I don't wanna think too much.