[karebear1]

I need your help...please.

Yesterday I was minding my own business, feeling pretty good and all, and then suddenly these stinkin' ideas started slipping into my mind... and I can't get them out of it for anything.

I've been in therapy for almost 3 years. Today my Pdoc told me I'm really just beginning to address things and to not fall into those thoughts that are starting to seep into my head. But I can't help it. It just happens.

It starts with a sudden flash of anxiety that comes over me, then panic, the then the awful thought that I am slipping back into what started this whole mess 3 years ago. Then, the thought that I can't live another 30 years feeling like I feel now goes through my mind and well,....... it leads to other thoughts that aren't healthy or good.

It's a cycle I've been dealing with for a week now. I don't want to delve any further into things (where and why this depression started) because this is what happens and it is somewhat debilitating for me if I think too much about it.

I need to only let the good in- and push the bad out, but sometimes I have no control over how my body suddenly reacts and what my mind thinks of as a consequence of that feeling.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? If so, how do you overcome it? I really could use some suggestions if anyone has any......... or just knowing I'm not the only one that experience this would be very helpful too. It's starting to get to em and that is not a good thing!

[rainbow8]

I have to think about what you posted but for now I wanted to know that I'm glad to see you here, but sorry you're going through a hard time. I can relate to feeling okay then suddenly thinking about losing my T and I get very depressed. I hope others can relate more to what you're asking though.

[feralkittymom]

Not sure if this is exactly the same, but something like this used to happen to me when I was on the verge of some sort of insight. It got a lot better once the insight came out.

It sounds like distracting yourself with positive activities has helped in the past? Are there such things you can engage in now? Especially activities that force you to pay attention, so that the negative thoughts have no room to sneak in?

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by karebear1

I need your help...please.

Yesterday I was minding my own business, feeling pretty good and all, and then suddenly these stinkin' ideas started slipping into my mind... and I can't get them out of it for anything.

I've been in therapy for almost 3 years. Today my Pdoc told me I'm really just beginning to address things and to not fall into those thoughts that are starting to seep into my head. But I can't help it. It just happens.

It starts with a sudden flash of anxiety that comes over me, then panic, the then the awful thought that I am slipping back into what started this whole mess 3 years ago. Then, the thought that I can't live another 30 years feeling like I feel now goes through my mind and well,....... it leads to other thoughts that aren't healthy or good.

It's a cycle I've been dealing with for a week now. I don't want to delve any further into things (where and why this depression started) because this is what happens and it is somewhat debilitating for me if I think too much about it.

I need to only let the good in- and push the bad out, but sometimes I have no control over how my body suddenly reacts and what my mind thinks of as a consequence of that feeling.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? If so, how do you overcome it? I really could use some suggestions if anyone has any......... or just knowing I'm not the only one that experience this would be very helpful too. It's starting to get to em and that is not a good thing!

Yeah, something very similar can happen to me. The "out of no where spiral". Here's what I've discovered about them in relation to me:

1. Those thoughts usually are not out of no where, but that doesn't mean I will ever figure out exactly what causes them. My emotions are on a delay. I can go through an event just fine, with very little awareness that it even bothered me, then later (sometimes even days) WHAM!

2. It's impossible for me to stop those thoughts from entering my head, but I don't have to let them take over. The work, for me, is letting them just kinda roll around in my head.

3. There's a lot of truth in trying to accept those thoughts as a part of me you know?

For instance, I can't sleep on colored sheets, or pillowcases, or comforters. Everything on my bed has to be white. It gets me into trouble sometimes, and it's hard to explain to others why I brought my own bed linen just in case. I gave up long ago trying to understand why my bed has to be white, what causes it, or even to try and change it. It's just a quirk, an essential *me* thing. I just roll with it and it's not a fight any more, but something I do.

The feelings can be like that as well. They come from a part of you that *is*, they can exist with you and just *be*.

No need to push them around or fight them off.

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I have to think about what you posted but for now I wanted to know that I'm glad to see you here, but sorry you're going through a hard time. I can relate to feeling okay then suddenly thinking about losing my T and I get very depressed. I hope others can relate more to what you're asking though.

Rainbow- Thanks for your response. I am usually here everyday, but don't post much because I don't think anyone really cares too much about what I have to share. I try to push that thought aside as well, but it does get harder and harder as time goes by. I know it just me, so I'm trying to overcome that, but it's really ahrd sometimes- you know?

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Not sure if this is exactly the same, but something like this used to happen to me when I was on the verge of some sort of insight. It got a lot better once the insight came out.

It sounds like distracting yourself with positive activities has helped in the past? Are there such things you can engage in now? Especially activities that force you to pay attention, so that the negative thoughts have no room to sneak in?

I've wondered if being on the verge of an insight might be what's going on- I sure hope so.

I try to distract myself with thoughts, but not activities yet. Pdoc mentioned maybe getting a small notebook and doing something once a week and writting it in the notebook.

For me, right now and for the past 3 years, I haven't done a whole lot, although I can say I have improved dramatically in this area since my depression started- at least I am thinking it might be nice to go do something. BUT to make myself do it is another thing. I have all kinds intentions, but they are just that. Intentions that don't evolve any further. I'm really sick of this too. I use to be such a capable person- always involved and volunteering etc., but now I can hardly make dinner a few days a week. My poor husband.

Wish I could just snap out of this. It's been too long.

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Yeah, something very similar can happen to me. The "out of no where spiral". Here's what I've discovered about them in relation to me:

1. Those thoughts usually are not out of no where, but that doesn't mean I will ever figure out exactly what causes them. My emotions are on a delay. I can go through an event just fine, with very little awareness that it even bothered me, then later (sometimes even days) WHAM!

Ya know Elliemay... you may be onto something here. We just had Thanksgiving here , at my house, with all my grown children and their children. I enjoyed it, but at the same time felt almost frozen at times. The flashes of anxiety did start while they were here- and everyone stayed for at least a week.

I'm gonna really have to think about this.

Thank you for your insights.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by karebear1

I've wondered if being on the verge of an insight might be what's going on- I sure hope so.

I try to distract myself with thoughts, but not activities yet. Pdoc mentioned maybe getting a small notebook and doing something once a week and writting it in the notebook.

For me, right now and for the past 3 years, I haven't done a whole lot, although I can say I have improved dramatically in this area since my depression started- at least I am thinking it might be nice to go do something. BUT to make myself do it is another thing. I have all kinds intentions, but they are just that. Intentions that don't evolve any further. I'm really sick of this too. I use to be such a capable person- always involved and volunteering etc., but now I can hardly make dinner a few days a week. My poor husband.

Wish I could just snap out of this. It's been too long.

Lethargy and lack of motivation are very familiar! Ugh. One thing that helped me were jigsaw puzzles. I always liked them as a kid, but found I got obsessive--in a good way--about them when I was depressed. Something about them just emptied my mind, and in maybe a silly way, I could very clearly see the progress as I would complete one. I remember telling T sarcastically one week about how "taking a shower and doing a jigsaw puzzle" wasn't any big achievement. He jumped on it and said as depressed as I was, it was incredible. Really shocked me.

Someone told me there are virtual jigsaw puzzles on-line? Anyway, if not jigsaws, maybe something else like that could help?
I imagine knitting would work, but I never learned!

My T always says those thought don't just come out of nowhere. Something has brought them on, even if I can't quite figure it out at the time. The trick is figuring out where they come from. Can be frustrating.

[karebear1]

Feralkittymom- I'll have to try puzzles or something- that might help. I do like to make photo albums and scrapbook. I just don't have anyone to do them for or even show them to right now. I do get a good amount of self esteem though when they're finished.

farmergirl- are you talking about the sudden anxiety coming on (Of which I have no idea why it happens) or are you talking about the thoughts about not wanting to live like this for the rest of my life? Those I get. I can't stand the idea of living this life doing nothing from day to day- that is what it is right now. I don't have self motivation to do anything at all- and the thought of being this way forever just doesn't make life look very attractive.

All of the above . . .