Stuffed everything up

Dec 06, 2012 at 10:56 PM

Just a vent

I told my husband about my infidelity in my last mania. Unfortunately I lied and told him it was just one once. He wanted to talk to my T about it. A few minutes after he went in my T came out and got me to talk about confidentiality stuff. That's when I told him what I told my husband, my T said that I had put him in a difficult position by asking him to lie for me. I left and my husband resumed his bit. Later my T and I had a discussion about truthfulness.

After the session my husband and I were talking and I confessed about the other guys. Apparently when first talking to my husband my T said "infidelities" after I came out he said "infidelity" my husband picked up on this.

I feel bad for lying but better for telling the truth.

Unfortunately, for my husband this is an inexcusable situation and we are separating, but the past 2 years since I was diagnosed have been the roughest and we have separated on several occasions, but this time its the end.

I also feel bad for putting my T in that position, it was notmy intention to compromise his integrity.

ECHOES · Dec 07, 2012 at 04:33 AM

I'm so sorry about your separation from husband.

Does it feel a bit better now that everything is out in the open?

anilam · Dec 07, 2012 at 07:37 AM

I do not understand why did you "let" your H talk to your T about you/without you.
Whose idea was it? And why? To explain to your H that some ppl with unmedicated (or poorly medicated) bipolar disease don't have a true control over their behaviour?

I think your T can survived that- though if I were him I wouldn't lie to your H.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. Yes you could have dealt with it better but you are trying and that's the important thing. So sorry you two are separating.

Dec 07, 2012 at 08:36 AM

Is he willing to try marriage counseling? I have heard people say that working through infidelity really turned their marriage around and made it tremendously stronger. In any event, I am sorry you are going through this.

Anne2.0 · Dec 07, 2012 at 08:40 AM

Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand why it's a good idea or even permissible for your H to talk to your T about anything, just because he wants to. It seems like a boundary problem to me. Just because you have "stuffed up" your marriage, doesn't mean that your H should be able to go in and have a talk with YOUR T. I don't get how that is therapeutic for you (or, really, your H, he should get his own T if he needs to process whatever is happening in your marriage). If my H said that he wanted to go talk to my T about something that I had done, I'd tell him to stuff it. If by some chance I allowed this and he went and talked to my T, I hope my T would have enough sense to suggest that this was a bad idea.

Dec 07, 2012 at 07:53 PM

Sorry for the confusion. My husband just wanted to know of the likelihood of it happening again. This happened when we were separated the first time and my husband gave me a free hand. He said I could do what I liked with no questions asked and I would be forgiven. This was obviously easier said than done. I was happy for him to ask this question but obviously others came up but I gave permission for my T to talkto him.

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ECHOES Legendary Member Since Aug 2007 Location: West of Tampa Bay, East of the Gulf of Mexico Posts: 14,352 (SuperPoster!) 16 1,020 hugs given	Dec 07, 2012 at 04:33 AM #2 I'm so sorry about your separation from husband. Does it feel a bit better now that everything is out in the open?
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Anonymous37917 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 07, 2012 at 08:36 AM #4 Is he willing to try marriage counseling? I have heard people say that working through infidelity really turned their marriage around and made it tremendously stronger. In any event, I am sorry you are going through this.
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