As a recovered alcoholic/addict I was talking about how the desire to use and get that warm fuzzy feeling still lives within me. T talked about it being that early warm glow moment with mother when the warmth feels like your still inside of her. How I was taken from her during that time and placed with a woman who couldn't meet that early need.

I slapped my forehead at that point and said I don't want to think about it and begun talking about all the lights I have on my Xmas tree. A previous conversation between me & T. I laughingly asked her if her tree had as many lights as mine in an attempt to steer the conversation away from uncomfortable feelings.

T stared at me for a short while, smiling behind her hand seeming to think. Then she replied "I think the lights are another substitute for those warm fuzzy feelings you are searching for". I had to literally lol. She laughed and said you thought you had escaped. I said and the truth is, I think your right about the lights. I'd not looked at them like that.

[struggling2]

I want that moment too! And i try to escape conversations as well...but she caught you...good T

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

T stared at me for a short while, smiling behind her hand seeming to think. Then she replied "I think the lights are another substitute for those warm fuzzy feelings you are searching for". I had to literally lol. She laughed and said you thought you had escaped. I said and the truth is, I think your right about the lights. I'd not looked at them like that.

((EarthMamma))
The idea of Family at Christmas is a powerful myth.
It is a fantasy that brings much heartache and disappointment, but its not easy to let it go.

Can't explain. No I have my family now. The2nd half ofmy life has been blessed with a wonderful husband and 3 great kids. So the myth does exist. Well for me now.

The looking for that heavenly mother/baby moment is for me yr long. The Xmas tree lights were just another conversation among many.