[trdleblue]

My guess is a lot of people are going through something similar, but at the end of yesterdays session, my T said he was planning on taking all of next week off. I kind of wish I knew before, although I don't know if it would really help how I am feeling. The timing for a missed appointment is probably never ideal, but I don't know if there could be a worse time for me. On Monday I found out some really bad news about someone I care about, it looks like I will be spending Christmas alone, and my birthday is also during the missed week which is usually not good for me.

I must have looked upset after my T told me he was taking the week off, because he actually offered to come in since he was going to be staying local. I could not accept the offer, although I did kind of appreciate it. I would feel so guilty if I was the reason he interrupted his vacation. He then asked me if I would call him if I needed to. Once again I couldn't say yes. I knew if I did I would be lying. I don't know why, but I have trouble reaching out like that. Finally he said that he would call me at a specific time during the week and that is where we left things. Ugh - now I'm back to feeling needy and guilty for making him work during his holiday, and I'm a bit freaked out about the phone call. I really wish I knew why this is so hard for me.

[Nightlight]

Sorry you're having to deal with so much, and that you're having less support through a bit of that time. I really struggle with both my Birthday and Christmas too.

The Christmas break isn't at a good time for me either. I think lots of us will be hanging in there, for a week or two...or more.

I think it is like that early in therapy until a secure pattern of T's coming & going and your surviving has built up.

[struggling2]

I feel the same Nightlight. My T is off next week too so I will miss my individual appt and group appt. Not fun! I can also relate to the having trouble reaching out for support and feeling guilty and needy when asking/receving it. Over time bit by bit it gets easier. Hang in there. PM me anytime if you're struggling next week and just want to chat!

[BashfulBear]

I'm sorry you have to miss T, trdleblue! Christmas - New Year period is a really tough time for me too, so I can really empathise. I know struggling has already offered (), but feel free to PM me too if you need someone to chat with or vent to! I'm aware we don't really know one another, but perhaps talking and getting to know someone new will help us hang in there.

Nightlight and struggling, I'm sorry you're both going to be stuck in limbo for a while too

My last appointment was on the 14th, and I found out my next one isn't until January 11th. That's quite a while, but I'm trying not to think about it. I think earthmamma's right though - as horrific as I'm inevitably going to feel for a while, I know it'll feel really good to make it into the New Year by myself (something I didn't think would be possible) and see that T's still there too, despite the break!

[stopdog]

In my opinion, you are not making the therapist do anything. I assume if the therapist offers something, it is because they know it won't hurt them and they are doing it because it is fine with them.
I usually do not take what I consider to be favors from the therapist, but it is because of my thing about it, not because I think the therapist is being taken advantage of by me, I think the therapist can protect themselves. In fact it often appears to me like they like to be thought of as kind or caring or whatever.

[trdleblue]

Thank you for the responses. I know it's something I will survive. I just wish it was another week.

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by stopdog

In my opinion, you are not making the therapist do anything. I assume if the therapist offers something, it is because they know it won't hurt them and they are doing it because it is fine with them.
I usually do not take what I consider to be favors from the therapist, but it is because of my thing about it, not because I think the therapist is being taken advantage of by me, I think the therapist can protect themselves. In fact it often appears to me like they like to be thought of as kind or caring or whatever.

I agree with what you are saying, but that doesn't make me feel less guilty about it. Perhaps that doesn't make sense, but I hate to feel like I am putting someone out. Logically I know that this is his job, and he made the offer, but it's still there in my head that I would be an inconvenience.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by trdleblue

Logically I know that this is his job, and he made the offer, but it's still there in my head that I would be an inconvenience.

Those things in your head are good subjects for therapy, when you are ready. Learning to accept what people offer me has been very healing to me. Sometimes it is bypassing those thoughts in the head about inconvenience or whatever, taking what people say at face value, and just saying "yes" rather than trying to engage in the mental gymnastics needed to reject it.

[trdleblue]

Anne - I agree with you. I have had trouble even saying yes to a ride from a coworker that is driving right by my house. Asking for help is even worse for me.

I'm starting to freak out a bit more. I just realized that I will also not be working five days out of this two week break. Usually I only have one day off a week, which is the day I have t. I need to start figuring out how to fill my time. Work is normally my distraction..

[~EnlightenMe~]

Turtle,
I think it is good that you have found a healthy distraction -work- to keep you from ruminating. I understand the knowing something intellectually and not being able to get your emotions to agree. Do you think you can sit with the feelings of guilt without intellectually taking your feelings as fact? Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean that you have done anything to warrant that feeling. I suspect you know that.
Changing your neural grooves takes the first step of you not responding the way you have always responded, no matter how hard it is. So, allow yourself to feel the guilt, accept it rather than fight it, while intellectually being mindful not to 'run with' your feeling.

I don't know if that makes any sense. I hope it helps. Keep posting.

I need to take my own advice. Okay, I'm starting now. . .