[wotchermuggle]

Have you ever felt like maybe you were out growing therapy, and in a way, it felt your therapist was trying to hold onto you, for whatever reason?

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Have you ever felt like maybe you were out growing therapy, and in a way, it felt your therapist was trying to hold onto you, for whatever reason?

Sometimes I have felt like that, like T neede the money more than I needed a session. But I would think a healthy T relationship and a healthy T would be able to tell you that the work is done and that you don't need to come.
Most ts here anyway, tell you in advance how many sessions you should go for so that you don't get ripped off or feel you are wasting money.

[wotchermuggle]

I was thinking more of an emotional need than financial.

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

I was thinking more of an emotional need than financial.

Well at the end of the day the financial part is what keeps them going.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Good question. Are you thinking that about your therapist? Or just wondering? I wonder how one would know?

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

Good question. Are you thinking that about your therapist? Or just wondering? I wonder how one would know?

Yeah I'm thinking about it in relation to my therapist. I don't know if I'm thinking I'm better than I am (could be a bout if positive hypo mania) but he suddenly seems clingy and less confident in my abilities to go a few weeks without a session.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Yeah I'm thinking about it in relation to my therapist. I don't know if I'm thinking I'm better than I am (could be a bout if positive hypo mania) but he suddenly seems clingy and less confident in my abilities to go a few weeks without a session.

That does sound perplexing, and I a curious. How does he seem clingy, what is he doing? What did he say/do to give you the impression (although your impression may be spot-on) that he is less confident in your abilities? I hope these questions aren't too intrusive.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Have you ever felt like maybe you were out growing therapy, and in a way, it felt your therapist was trying to hold onto you, for whatever reason?

I have thought this on very rare occasions. But it is soon obvious who needs who!

[Sunne]

If T doesn't hear from me for a day he gets in touch.

A tad clingy.. perhaps?!

[stopdog]

It would freak me out to think the therapist was needing me. Of course, it would freak me out some if I thought I needed the therapist too.

The therapist I saw only for a short while about 15 years ago is notorious for telling clients they cannot quit her. Perhaps she is clingy.

[feralkittymom]

Never. In fact, he once suggested that I take time off because I seemed to be stymied. (I was and I did!)

Even now, corresponding with him post-therapy, I can feel when his mood is down a bit, but he doesn't share beyond a point. I still write empathic words because I know he'll hear them, even if he can't acknowledge them.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

I was thinking more of an emotional need than financial.

I do think that my T was meeting more of her needs than I recognized, or realized, or was healthy - but not until after it was over, and I was getting many of my needs met until the end.

Not at all. We've taken fairly lengthy breaks from time to time with his full support. He loves to see me feeling stable and confident and able to move forward without him.

There are 'sick' therapists out there. Unfortunately until one has had experience of a 'healthy' therapist they think that the norm.

[Dreamy01]

Originally Posted by Sunne

If T doesn't hear from me for a day he gets in touch.

A tad clingy.. perhaps?!

That's really not good. No therapist should contact you during the week unless there's a very good reason and especially not everyday. That's hardly going to allow you to grow and become independent. It seems to be more about him than you. I'd advise you to see someone else because even if it feels nice to be cared about and have T's attention, this sort of thing always ends in disaster.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Yeah I'm thinking about it in relation to my therapist. I don't know if I'm thinking I'm better than I am (could be a bout if positive hypo mania) but he suddenly seems clingy and less confident in my abilities to go a few weeks without a session.

Could he be worried about you for some reason?

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Have you ever felt like maybe you were out growing therapy, and in a way, it felt your therapist was trying to hold onto you, for whatever reason?

no, i haven't been in this situation but i wanted to say that i do think T's get attached to their clients too sometimes and maybe let things tick over a little longer than needed because i'm sure T's hate goodbyes too. Personally i don't have a problem with that. But if you were wanting to leave and felt ready and they were "clinging" to you, then yes that is a problem.

What do you think Wotchermuggle, is your T seeing something you need to work on that you don't or do you genuinely feel ready to finish up and your T is being clingy?

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Have you ever felt like maybe you were out growing therapy, and in a way, it felt your therapist was trying to hold onto you, for whatever reason?

I haven't felt this way. If anything, I think my previous T's have been anxious to get me out the door

But I think the question to ask yourself is whether you need to feel as if your T is trying to hold onto you, so that is what you see when you look. Of course it is possible that you are perceiving the situation accurately, and a check with your T might help clear this up.

Of course, it could also be about both-- you need to feel like your t is holding onto you, and he is concerned that you might be leaving too soon.

[critterlady]

I've never felt that from a therapist. My current T and I have talked about it, actually, and he's talked about how he doesn't depend on me the way I depend on him because that wouldn't be fair to me. I shouldn't have to bear his needs; he should (and does) bear mine. It's one of the ways the boundaries protect me. Well, both of us, really.

[unaluna]

I do but I think it's because of my lack of attachment. So T needs to show more, or what feels like more, just to get my attention. Because I can go for a long long time on a superficial attachment. But we're trying to move past that point. Still I feel secure that he can handle his own feelings.

This has happened to me twice now in the last two years. It has always associated itself to a more favorable schedule for me and then I somehow get bumped back to my less favorable schedule a couple weeks later.
It's at those times when I feel the clingyness.
I also feel the whateverness when I get bumped around her scedule.
Mostly I ignore it and cooperate because I am not doing it for T but rather someone who may be suffering.

[Sunne]

Originally Posted by Dreamy01

That's really not good. No therapist should contact you during the week unless there's a very good reason and especially not everyday. That's hardly going to allow you to grow and become independent. It seems to be more about him than you. I'd advise you to see someone else because even if it feels nice to be cared about and have T's attention, this sort of thing always ends in disaster.

I usually am the one contacting him. When I don't, it's out of the ordinary. I think he worries about my well being. I am in intensive trauma therapy so I do need a lot of support. But lately I have been needing less. So when I don't contact him he reaches out and says he notices me being quiet and wants to know if I'm okay. In the past when I have gone quiet I have been in crisis and ashamed to reach out.

I do think a tiny amount of his needs get met. He says he is growing right alongside me as I grow and from our 'relationship'. Which I think is wonderful.

I'm wondering why you say this always ends in disaster? Surely that statement is not true. Please don't advise me to see someone else. You do not know much about my therapy at all. It's really great therapy, just not for everyone I suppose.

I don't think he is overly clingy at all. He's very busy but meets me half way to show me he cares for me. This is what I needed and now I'm needing less of him and I think it's difficult on both sides. Things change and it's a learning process for us both.

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Have you ever felt like maybe you were out growing therapy, and in a way, it felt your therapist was trying to hold onto you, for whatever reason?

No and No.

I didn't feel him holding on at all - it felt very much like he was pushing me out.

For this reason and others, I terminated, which was very difficult considering how attached I had become to him over the years.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

That does sound perplexing, and I a curious. How does he seem clingy, what is he doing? What did he say/do to give you the impression (although your impression may be spot-on) that he is less confident in your abilities? I hope these questions aren't too intrusive.

He seems clingy as in a lack of confidence in me being able to cope over a few week break.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

Could he be worried about you for some reason?

Yes that is possible from what he said about this time of year possibly making things morefifgocult on top of no sessions. I just feel weird about the concern....like it is misplaced?