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#1
Jan 08, 2013, 07:56 AM
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Something I am struggling with IRL and is quite a dilemma for me.
(Career wise in my case) Would you rather choose to live a life with anxiety and perhaps trying to reach your " full potential" - or would you rather live a life without it knowning you will never " grow or fully use your potential and perhaps " get stuck" but anxiety free. This may not make any sence but I feel I have to made a choice between the two. Maybe some of you have felt this way at some point in your life to?... ( I realise itīs not all black and white ) |
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#2
Jan 08, 2013, 07:59 AM
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 anilam, lonelyBchoice
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#3
Jan 08, 2013, 08:08 AM
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I had a similar conversation yesterday with T. As I talked I realised I was only discussing the 2 extremes. Either be a social magnet or a loner. I corrected myself and added - I guess there's a middle ground but that feels alien to me.
Just putting that discussion out there gave me food for thought. Made me aware of how unaware I normally am concerning middle ground option. |
| lonelyBchoice
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#4
Jan 08, 2013, 08:36 AM
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A healthy sense of anxiety, which is actually more motivational than stress inducing, and fewer concerns about what my full potential is, thereby bypassing the extreme facets of my perfectionism and leading to a reduction in anxiety in the first place 
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| lonelyBchoice
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#5
Jan 08, 2013, 08:50 AM
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Usually I am not all " black and white " in my thinking. Just feel like I have a dilemma where I have to make a choice between to "life situations", with no apparent " grey area" |
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#6
Jan 08, 2013, 09:01 AM
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Your on to something ...(apart from the fact that not all anxiety is healthy. I am talking about anxiety as a dx.)
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#7
Jan 08, 2013, 09:04 AM
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The word never is 'black and white thinking' (words like never, always etc..).
Why do I say that? Because I love to live in the black or white but it's not healthy. It's that type/way of thinking that got me into my current mess of a major depression. I have think more in the gray and it's a terrifying place to be. Any time there was uncertainty in my life growing up there was always abuse to follow. Being in the uncertainty of gray = emotional and physical pain for me. I wish I had an answer for you. Please keep us posted as you digest your question and hopefully come up with an answer.
__________________
"Be careful how you speak to your children. One day it will become their inner voice." - Peggy O'Mara Don't ever mistake MY SILENCE for ignorance, MY CALMNESS for acceptance, MY KINDNESS for weakness. - unknown |
| lonelyBchoice
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#8
Jan 08, 2013, 09:13 AM
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| lonelyBchoice
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#9
Jan 08, 2013, 09:31 AM
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So you are doing something which is pushing you and it is causing anxiety? And if you chose not to do it you would be anxiety free?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| lonelyBchoice
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#10
Jan 08, 2013, 09:34 AM
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I think stress and a bit of anxiety can be usefull. Stress and anxiety can also make us very sick and make a poor quality of life. I thing I wrote my question based on the fact that I have to sign a contract next week. ( Therefor the "black and white " thinking/ dilemma stuff) If I sign I will use my degree, keep my flat and have a good in come. If not I sort of choose the opposite and I will loose all that ..basically just to avoid feeling anxiety. So I think itīs quite difficult. Obviously there will be other opportunities- at some point. I just canīt decide and wonder if any of you choose to accept anxiety and other stuff inorder to gain something else or not. Hope that gave just a tiny bit more info of why I posted.
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 browneyed tx girl
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| browneyed tx girl
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#11
Jan 08, 2013, 09:38 AM
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I wouldn't let anxiety stop me from doing something. I have overcome many issues by pushing forward anyway and then working through what I need to work through. I think that this technique is quite useful to work through issues.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| lonelyBchoice
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#12
Jan 08, 2013, 09:40 AM
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I have learned that making the choice to back away from things and give into my fear only makes the anxiety stronger. I have to combat the fear to get relief.
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| lonelyBchoice, Sannah
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#13
Jan 08, 2013, 09:47 AM
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taking into consideration the quality of life i had before -being anxious all the time- and the difference that the meds made me get better (or at least I am able to tell a big difference in my self) after the meds, i would choose the quality over the quantity of days to live on this earth. i was a nervous wreck all days now i am less nervous and have diminished mental problems and am learning with the help of a therapist too.
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| lonelyBchoice
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#14
Jan 08, 2013, 09:48 AM
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Fear and anxiety has kept me stuck for quite some time....causing inaction that has put me in a really bad place, at least financially and professionally.
I totally understand the idea of not putting myself in a situation where I become anxious, but I need to also use my rational mind to help me see whether or not I'm really in a threatening situation. Otherwise, the anxiety is just holding me back from making forward movement.
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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| lonelyBchoice
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#15
Jan 08, 2013, 09:52 AM
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Perhaps I should have made a thread about that instead. The core issue come to think of it is I never really got to work on it in T. Meaning I am a bit worried and confused when having a deadline now .
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| Sannah
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#16
Jan 08, 2013, 10:59 AM
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I'm with Sannah here. You have a degree (which in my duckpond is an important thing, but I know I'm rather biased about that so take it for whatever it's worth) and you have the competence, and you have the opportunity. You can get past the anxiety. As pbutton says, avoiding issues can make the anxiety worse, and perhaps also add regret to the negative mix. In the end, only you can know what's best for you, but this is how I would reason - and how I have reasoned for myself in the past, I might add.
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| lonelyBchoice, Sannah
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#17
Jan 08, 2013, 11:11 AM
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I agree with Chris. My psychologist told me anticipatory anxiety is far worse than the actual event itself, and I find by experience he is very right. However, could you explain a little further before I answer in the event he were wrong?? Thanks.
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| lonelyBchoice
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#18
Jan 08, 2013, 11:24 AM
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I am anxious about some work I do. I tried trial work, and I hated it which lead to the circular anxiety/hating/dread cycle. I found legal work I was good at that does not usually mean I am lead trial attorney = I still have some anxiety before an oral argument, or dealing with a hostile family, or (and this is the worst for me) dealing with something I have screwed up, but it is less. Teaching has some anxiety at times (and I know when those times are coming up so I become more anxious) but I enjoy teaching enough that it balances out some. There was a time where a part of it was making me so sick with dread that I almost quit until I found a way around it.
Thepoint of this is - for me, I can usually figure a way around it but if not, I try to move on to another area where it is less. |
| lonelyBchoice
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#19
Jan 08, 2013, 12:06 PM
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I struggled with high anxiety concerning work. After 11 years I took the leap out the door! I had great support and encouragement from my family and friends. They were very concerned about what the stress and anxiety were doing to my health and mental well being. I was becoming a person I didn't like too. It was the best decision I ever made. BUT like most things, there is always some anxiety and stress in life. It just comes in different forms and times. What I am dealing with today is a breeze compared to the constant battle I had while working, but there are issues none the less. I have not decided to find a new job yet. This thought almost paralyzes me! I wish you luck and hope you find the best thing for you. Its live in fear of where you are or fear of where you want to go. Here for you!
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| lonelyBchoice
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| lonelyBchoice
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#20
Jan 08, 2013, 04:08 PM
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I guess there are 2 questions then: *which* stressors are you most comfortable with and *what* is the payoff from tolerating each. I think this is going to take a lot of soul searching to answer those. FWIW I say go with your full potential.
__________________
......................... |
| browneyed tx girl
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| lonelyBchoice
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#21
Jan 14, 2013, 03:09 AM
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Totally understand. I am guessing with a contract that there will not be a trial period? Maybe if you sign you can seek some guidance from a T to help build the coping skills this may require. It will be an ongoing process as things tend to never stay the same and neither do we. In my case it was more the people in the work place than it was anything and my anxiety and stress was turning into anger and illness. Just be sure to ALWAYS take notice of the triggers and deal with them promptly. Putting them off leads to big stuff. You will do what is right for you and I wish you the best.
__________________
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| lonelyBchoice
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#22
Jan 14, 2013, 10:24 AM
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| browneyed tx girl
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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