[RaKku]

My T and I have working on dependency issues on her, but lately she she has been pushing me to "find my own answers" and not to turn for her for help. So today, when I went for my appointment, I was already in a grumpy mood and she was also 15 minutes late for the appointment since another patient was before me.

Midway through the session, there came a knock and she was saying we have a few more minutes left in the session. I knew the session was already short and I didn't even bother checking the time, but I knew she was effectively going to try to wrap it up even if I was going to try to say something important. So I bluntly just said, "let's just end this for today then." I told her I would probably ramble something to try to make some meaningful moment and try to leave on a good note. I don't even remember what she said and I ended not even giving a smile leaving (I always done that...)

I dunno, I just feel shut down now. I don't want to say I want to give up on therapy, but it definitely doesn't make me feel better now. All I know is my T opens up all these questions, but doesn't answer them for me, doesn't want others to answer it for me (when I try to reach out to others for help), and wants me to do it myself. I told her I am just tired from all of this and I am now taking more meds because I need to deal with all of this new thinking and even having suicidal thoughts again now because of my frustration.

Of course after I said all of this, all I would get is a blank stare and a boot out of the office when time is up. Yup, that was my session today

[sittingatwatersedge]

Rakku,
at the risk of sounding trite! No one can answer those questions for you.
The most others could do would be to suggest answers, but ultimately you have to select from the array (or come up with your own). What you're going through sounds exhausting all right. Maybe you could tell yr T to ease up a bit.

[RaKku]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Rakku,
at the risk of sounding trite! No one can answer those questions for you.
The most others could do would be to suggest answers, but ultimately you have to select from the array (or come up with your own). What you're going through sounds exhausting all right. Maybe you could tell yr T to ease up a bit.

Thanks Sitting ,
Yeah I know in the end I will need to make the decisions, but it seems like whenever I try to ask for help, she would just questions me why I need others for approval and why I can't do it myself. When I say it's hard for me to do so, she would say things like, "well I think you have the power in it in yourself." I don't think she realizes, even though I tell her, how hard it is for me to go outside my boundary...I think asking people for help is already a huge step!

It makes it worst now because I think I am letting my T down when I think in her eyes I am "giving up" because I am trying to ask for help. I was thinking today, I am getting no sleep, having a miserable time, and getting short sessions while getting shot down for my suggestions.

Man, I think I should just take a week off or something.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by RaKku

My T and I have working on dependency issues on her, but lately she she has been pushing me to "find my own answers" and not to turn for her for help.

What kind of thing does she mean that you need to find your own answers to and that you shouldn't ask for help with from her?

I go to my T because I find it helpful. I don't think I would go if it wasn't helpful. And in fact, when I get super anxious, I am not helped by going to therapy, and it feels like a waste of money. So if I am having a lot of anxiety, I will take a break from therapy, then return when I am at a better state to be helped and make progress. I just equate going to therapy with being helped and I don't want to go if it will not help. Last session, I talked to T about being stuck on a certain problem and asked him if he thought he could help with that. He said he thought that might be a good problem to do EMDR on, so we will do EMDR next time. He thinks that will help. I don't see what is wrong with asking a therapist for help.

Rakku, I think your T's words about not turning to her for help combined with the shortened session was a difficult mix to handle. Therapy sounds hard lately. I do think it is important to reach an understanding with your T about what kinds of things she doesn't want you to ask for help with, because I can't help but think she does want to be helpful in some way?

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you had a "bad" session. It doesn't seem fair when a session isn't the right amount of time and you can't make it up. That would make me angry and upset too.

I tend to value the opinion of others more than my own, and my T and DBT leader are trying to get me to realize that what counts most is my own opinion. But that doesn't mean your T shouldn't help you. I think there has to be a middle ground, and a T helping you isn't the same as listening to everyone else instead of yourself.

I hope you have a much better session next time.

[Lamplighter]

RaKku that sounded like more than just a bad session, it seems that things are pretty fraught between you and T at the moment? But even if things were all fine and peachy keen I should think that her starting a session late and then winding it up early as well would upset anyone - coming on top of her pushing you to soothe yourself (how can she say it's not ok to reach out to others for help and support that makes no sense to me at all) I'm not surprised you are feeling pretty bad .

I'm a bit unclear too about what your T means in terms of it being down to you to work out all the answers to questions she raises. The whole point of being in therapy is to get help with just such issues - she needn't actually hand you answers on a platter (more's the pity ) but a bit of compassionate guidance and support with working out the answers for yourself wouldn't go amiss.

Sounds like you're at a point in your therapy where a bit of discussion about The Relationship might be necessary?

I do hope your next session goes much better and that you feel less alone in dealing with all this stuff. ((((((( RaKku ))))))

Torn

[sconnie892]

Rakku
I am sorry you are struggling right now.
I feel like I have been in a similar place. I went through a period of time where I felt t was not helping me find answers - that all she was doing was asking questions. It was very frustrating and I had many days I wanted to quit. Now looking back, I am thankful t did not answer all those questions for me. If she had, I would have always wondered if the answer I had was really mine or if it was t's answer. Answering those questions for yourself can be incredibly difficult, but it is also incredibly important.

And as sawe said, maybe you can ask your t to ease up a little?

[RaKku]

Thanks for all the help and suggestions!

I probably don't want to get into it, but there are a few nagging opinions I have that are different from T. We have fought many times over it and at the end, T said in the end it is my decision I need to make. What happen next was I was hoping to get a second opinion about the matter from a person - my T questioned if I was trying to really get an opinion or trying to get a person to "agree" with me.

It's at that point that I just got fed up. I just find it hypocritical at times that the T says I need to find answers within and have relationships with others, but then knocks them down when I suggest who it is when she doesn't agree with (even though she says it's really my decision in the end).

The thing that drives me BONKERS is when T says, "oh I think you know the answer" when I question her. Really? I do? If I knew the answer, why would I asked you then? *argh* sorry, stepping off my soap box