[seventyeight]

i realized a few days ago, that i think i'm in therapy for the "wrong reasons." i definitely love my therapist a bunch, and for sure i'm super afraid of saying goodbye.

however, i'm not sure that i really need her in my life any more at all. i've been dealing with whatever comes and goes without her advice/support, and i don't seem to have to turn to her for every little step along the way.

have any of you all come to this realization? if so, what did you do about it??

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

i realized a few days ago, that i think i'm in therapy for the "wrong reasons." i definitely love my therapist a bunch, and for sure i'm super afraid of saying goodbye.

however, i'm not sure that i really need her in my life any more at all. i've been dealing with whatever comes and goes without her advice/support, and i don't seem to have to turn to her for every little step along the way.

have any of you all come to this realization? if so, what did you do about it??

You take a break and see how you really manage on your own, then go from there. That's what I'd do.

[stopdog]

The one I see has said people continue to see her for years, sometimes just once a month or 6 months or whatever just because they like checking in. It boggles my mind, but it seems as though it could be possible if the therapist was also inclined.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

have any of you all come to this realization? if so, what did you do about it??

Yes. I ended therapy the first time because I changed therapists, and went directly to my second T. After two years with her, or maybe closer to three, I felt like I didn't need therapy anymore, that I had resolved things that needed resolving and changed things that I wanted to change. I remember telling her that I felt like it was time to terminate and we decided that I would come every other week. I might have done that twice, then I was just done. It was close to 17 years ago, and about a year later I moved out of the area. I have seen her three or four times since then, when I have returned for work there on occasion.

15 years later, I decided to go back. It turns out that there were unresolved things, or maybe things that were brought up from being in a long term relationship and/or parenting. So you can always leave open the possibility of return to her or return to therapy at a later time. But I think your sense of being done means something important. Talk about it

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

i realized a few days ago, that i think i'm in therapy for the "wrong reasons." ...

however, i'm not sure that i really need her in my life any more at all. i've been dealing with whatever comes and goes without her advice/support, and i don't seem to have to turn to her for every little step along the way.

have any of you all come to this realization? if so, what did you do about it??

I try not to be judgmental of myself about it, such as thinking that I am in therapy for the "wrong" reasons." It is OK to be in therapy without a strong need. For myself, it is the case that even though I don't turn to my therapist "for every little step along the way" (was it ever that way?), therapy is still helpful, healing, or a place where growth, better mental health, and learning better communication and relationship skills are occurring. I believe it is OK to be in therapy when one is not in a crisis. Although therapy was really a life saver when I was in more of a crisis mode, some of our best work has been done when I wasn't so "needy."

seventyeight, if you are having a hard time understanding why you are still in therapy, what you can get out of it at this stage in your life, and whether you shouldn't be there anymore, can you discuss with your therapist? I think it very interesting to consider what are the "right" reasons to be in therapy and what are the "wrong" reasons. I wonder where your ideas on that come from? And if they match your T's? All this is great to explore with your T. Maybe you will come to accept that therapy is still helping you or maybe you will decide it is time to leave the nest. You can also decide to go less frequently to therapy. I vary how often I go, usually every 2-4 weeks. Already once this year I even went 2 weeks in a row. When I scheduled an appointment only one week after the last, I did feel a little ashamed, like "I shouldn't need to go so often," but I pushed through that negative and judging attitude. I just bucked up and went 2 weeks in a row and allowed therapy to help.

For me, I think the bottom line is whether the monetary cost of therapy can be "justified" in my mind for the benefit I gain.

[seventyeight]

i talked to her today about how i've been feeling. i even managed to add how good looking i think she is, and that sometimes it's just nice to see her for 45 minutes . that was not easy to share.

anyway, i'm feeling better about it, but not completely. it feels like there is still a lot left that needs to be said, but i'm not even sure exactly what that is. thanks for all of the feedback; it helped a lot.

If it helps, I have entire weeks where I don't even have a reason, or at least can't pin point one. Yet, I keep going.

[content30]

seventyeight, don't be so hard on yourself with the "wrong reasons." I'm not sure that there are very many wrong reasons to be in therapy. I am kind of struggling with a similar situation that I just posted about. I can't really offer advice, but I'm glad that you were able to discuss this with your therapist. I also wanted to let you know that you're not alone with this. I'm winding down my therapy, but I miss seeing my therapist and talking to her. I really don't have anything to talk with her about now, though. Anyway, good luck!