["Tilly may"]

I know that I didnt suffer compared to alot of people out there but this is bothering me.
My mother told me that she didnt bond with me when I was a baby and she decided not to breast feed but to prop a bottle up so that she could do other stuff like art. she also said that she didnt feel good holding me so she didnt,

I have an unyielding desire to be held and rocked by a fat lady in a big rocking chair until Im all done needing nurturing.

My mother thinks that there is no such thing as mental illness and that I use it as a crutch because I cant face reality.

I hate my mother. I am 47 years old.

thanks for listening.

That is awful Tilly, maybe you can find another way to get that nurturing ? Your mother doesnt have to understand to make it real. (((((Tilly))))))

[healed84]

It makes sense that you have a huge need to nurtured. There is TONS of research to show that when a baby doesn't bond properly with mother there will be links issues like you are facing. I hope that you can rely on those in your life who understand this need and work on filling that void. I really hope that one day your mom can understand as well.

[~EnlightenMe~]

((((Tilly))))),
Is it possible that your mother's guilt and shame are coming into play, and her saying mental illness doesn't exist helps her think that she didn't hurt you? Thereby creating delusion as a "crutch" for herself because she can't face reality? Just a thought.

My adoptive mother did not bond with me & also told me how as a baby I had no needs. That she would prop me up with a bottle too because I was such an undemanding baby.

I have 'divorced' her for self protection reasons. But I still feel I love her and I abandoned her. But my therapist says that's how I was always made to feel.

It has caused huge emotional damage to me.

OMG! How could a mother do that. I'm sorry, I had trouble bonding with my first daughter but never in a million years would I ever tell her. I really hope you find some other way to heal this terrible hurt your mother has done. Have many many many hugs from me.

[anilam]

Why is she telling you this now? That's just so hurtful.
BTW I think these early RS are the most important ones in your life- having someone to love you in the early years helps to form your personality. Yes, many things can happen in life but if you have that you'll always have stg to work with. Without that everything's much more difficult.

["Tilly may"]

I think she tells me this stuff because she is unburdening herself. She has told me terrible things about my father that I otherwise would never be aware of.

She is selfish and i hate her.

thanks everyone for your support.

hey Tilly may, I am sorry you have had that experience. A few years ago, my mother told me a story about how when I was a baby, she was in a really bad place. She had a surgery, two miscarriages and a very demanding child (my older sister). She said no way could she handle another child, so was using birth control even though she was catholic. But, she got pregnant with me despite being on birth control. When I was born, I was really fussy. She said one night, she was just sitting by the crib watching me cry and started to pray to God and the 'Holy Virgin' about how she tried not to have me, didn't want me, and could not possibly take care of me. She said in prayer if there was some reason God forced her to have me, he and the holy virgin needed to take care of me. She said I stopped crying, rolled over and went to sleep. From that moment on, I didn't want to held or touched much. She took this as a sign that God had some special plan for me, and was shocked that I did not have this wonderful, special relationship with God and the holy virgin. Oh, she also said I "creeped her out" by not wanting to be held and was always so serious.

My mother also thinks that I have nothing to be sad about and cannot understand depression at all. She thinks I just need to be happy about all the things I do have. And she certainly won't admit that she did anything wrong with the way she raised us.

Tilly
I can totally understand why you hate your mother, she has been nothing but unkind to you by teling you all of this. So she felt guilty about not being there for you, why not just try and have some sort of relationship with you now?
She told you stuff a mother should never tell her kids and I am sorry you are hurting so much right now. I hope you told her how this made you feel and she respected that she had hurt you but is the kind of woman who would not take respnsibilty for her actions and would find a way to blame you, BTW maybe she is so reactive about mental illeness and is so against it because she has some herself but doesn't want to take responsibility for them.