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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 358
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#1
Still processing my therapy appt yesterday. My T told me that I'm scaring the he11 out of him with my ED. After much urging, he had me sign a form that gives him the right to contact my husband in the event he feels he needs to put me in the hospital involuntarily. He said that if I'm going to be one of the 10% to die from my ED, he's going to do everything he can to take care of me before that happens. I can't maintain my weight and have lost weight again since last week. He really hopes & thinks he doesn't need to use it, but he's very concerned about both my ED health status and my mental status. I'm thankful we told my DH about my ED together last week. I can't imagine him possibly getting a call from my T that he's suddenly putting me in the hospital for malnutrition.
He's agreed to meet with me for 2 sessions a week for a bit. He doesn't like to usually do that unless a patient is in crisis, but that I clearly am right now. ![]() I certainly don't mean to scare my T and now I feel guilty about that too. Just can't turn my way of thinking around when it comes to eating. The guilt is never ending, I'm terrified of gaining weight and I just can't explain why. ![]() Sorry, didn't mean to ramble. Just needed to get this out I guess. |
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
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#2
I hope that you will be able to explore this with your T and figure it out. It obviously serves an emotional purpose for you. Does it help you deal with emotional pain or does it give you a sense of control? (And you don't need to answer this here. This question is just for you).
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 358
11 1,174 hugs
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#3
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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#4
Quote:
Control, the key work here. Does this describe your family while growing up? (And again, you don't need to answer this here). __________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 692
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#5
Quote:
I am sorry you are struggling and oh boy, I could have written every word of your last post and applied it to myself. I have been where you are and back and back again.....I know just how stuck and trapped you feel. Its like if you could hold on to the soothing, calming aspects of the disorder without having it affect you mentally and physically it wouldn't be so bad, right? Well, if you've been up and down with this for 20 years you know how it plays out. I just want to offer you lots of support and urge you to try and work through this difficult period with your T as an outpatient---going in against your will is not how you want to enter treatment, is it? If you can, at least try and show good faith to the T by not actively losing this week. The thing about ED's is that when they really spiral, it makes therapy really hard to process until you are better nourished. Remember, stabilizing yourself is a sign of tremendous emotional strength and courage. If you trust in your T and your ability to work with them, don't let it slip away by giving into all the ED urges. If you ever want to talk, PM. |
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Conflicted...
Member Since Jul 2010
Location: The darkness
Posts: 3,356
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#6
I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I have to say that if my T told me I was scaring him I would find a new T. to me that's my T putting his problems on me and i'm not there for that. He/She needs to find another professional associate to talk to about that kind of thing.
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#7
I would freak out myself if my therapist told me that. I don't think I could handle that.
![]() Even when my BMI was 15 my therapist kept calm and cool about it and helped me look for a hospital with my consent. |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 358
11 1,174 hugs
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#8
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![]() Sannah
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 692
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#9
I am two sessions in with a new T who specializes in eating disorders and both times he has repeatedly told me that I am on my way to an early death and this will kill me. It is surreal and hard to process when someone tells you that. I also wanted to add that you mentioned you were diagnosed with ED-NOS, as if somehow that wasn't as severe as anorexia. My "new " diagnoses is bulimia, last summer ED-nos, and many years prior, anorexia nervosa- and there really isn't a darn bit of difference between them in terms of physical and emotional suffering. It's funny how people with a depression diagnoses never split hairs of what type of depression they suffer from, but somehow in our warped eating disorder brain we attach our level of severity to our diagnoses (don't know if I'm explaining this well but you hopefully understand). If we end up dying from our diseases, no one will give a darn what the diagnoses was, and the outcome is final.
What's important is that you and your T know you are suffering and I commend him for not letting you spiral to a very, very, bad place. I've practically dehydrated and passed out in a former T's office who thought maybe I should try and go home and drink some water ( what a help, doc!). I'm scared for me too but it helps to know that there are many others bravely going through this journey as well. Baby steps ![]() |
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Guest
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#10
By calm and cool I meant he didn't say things like I was scaring the hell out of him or I might be one of the 10 percent who dies. Those things would freak me out and I probably wouldn't go back.
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#11
It is good that he is showing you his concern. Are you ok with the way he's doing it?
I think I understand now what you mean about him saying it in a calm and collected way. I am concerned for you and your health and hope all this works out. Have you thought about just hospitalizing yourself now so things might not get worse? |
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#12
Im sorry youre going through a hard time.
I remember really well the time my old t had that conversation with me. It was very hard to hear. She was scared "to death" that i would die any day from my anorexia. And i had been sick for 20 years. I felt hopeless. She wanted me in the hospital. I knew i would never get better, so i knew there was no point in even trying. I had been at deaths door a few times. I was terrified of going to the hospital. Etc. Well i just want to encourage you. Here i am today, about 7 years after that conversation, and i am happy, extremely healthy, and am totally recovered from my eating disorder stuff. If i can recover, absolutely anyone can. I was completely lost in anorexia and hopeless. I did get hospitalized twice, very very short time though.a couple of weeks for medical stailization. It was scary but i did it. But most of the work i did on my own. I got tired of being sick. Anyway, listen to your t. Even if its hard. You can get through this. |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 358
11 1,174 hugs
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#13
Quote:
![]() I really do understand how you feel about this. Coming from anyone else and I wouldn't go back either. But I do trust him. |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 358
11 1,174 hugs
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#14
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![]() Sannah
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 358
11 1,174 hugs
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#15
Just got in under a cancellation appt with my T tomorrow. He feels I'm in crisis mode right now and and has agreed to 2 sessions this week. I'll talk to him about the physical health concerns going on and he can call the Dr (who's right down the hall) if we think it's necessary. Very likely he will, if I know him. Crossing my fingers, I'll feel fine in the morning. I really did make a good effort and increased both my food and fluid intake today. I'll update after my appt tomorrow. Thanks again for your thoughts and concerns to my posts. I really do appreciate it.
![]() Last edited by photostotake; Feb 12, 2013 at 10:37 PM.. |
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Oh noes!
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: in a house
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#16
I am glad to hear that you got in with T..
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 358
11 1,174 hugs
given |
#17
Just got home from 2 separate appts. One with my T and one with my Dr. The good news, I guess, is that my physical stuff is not related to my eating issues. I either have a severe muscle strain in my calf, but because there was no injury to cause it, she's sending me in for an ultrasound to rule out either a blood clot or a collection of fluid. I'll have the u/s tomorrow morning immediately after my appt for a small surgical procedure that was previously scheduled. One thing that wasn't good- I lost another 4+ lbs since the last time I was weighed 2wks ago. Not good.
![]() As far as my T appt before that, it went okay. It was productive. He is the one who got me into the Dr appt in the first place. He was concerned it had to do with malnutrition issues, so he wanted me looked at before leaving. I have issues with not being believed by Drs, so if he hadn't set it up, I know that I wouldn't have done it myself. We talked in depth about me needing to get into an eating disorders clinic. At least get the assessment done so we know what we're dealing with. He won't push me to do it until I am ready, but that I need to consider doing it soon. He said at this point I may start losing weight rapidly and we may be looking at inpatient rather than outpatient options. I am comforted by the fact that he said he'd be by my side every step of the way through this, but the idea of going somewhere else for treatment (or treatment of any kind) still terrifies me. I'd give anything for him to be an expert in the field of EDs. ![]() We're also working on the fact that my mom is coming into town tomorrow and will stay with us for most of the next 12 days. She is a huge trigger for me. ![]() Sorry for babbling again. I know I'm not thinking real clearly right now. I just need the ED voices to quiet down. I'd give anything for food and calories to not be so scary again. Heck, I'd give anything to just care enough to make a change that will stick and make this all go away. I just don't know how. ![]() Thanks for reading the update. ![]() |
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
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#18
Can you keep down ensure, boost, V8 or V8 splash? It's far easier to drink than eat at times.
![]() __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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#19
I'll support you here.
![]() __________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Pack of One
Member Since May 2012
Location: in the US!
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#20
sending you warm thoughts and hugs, I can't say more right now, but thinking of you.
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