[Oski]

Background: I'm UK based, had depression in the past was seen by the NHS for a little while, decided to leave the therapy process to try and see if I could fix my problem myself.. epic fail..

So recently I started seeing a therapist privately (where I am paying out of my own pocket) in the UK as I didn't want to go back to using the NHS..

I believe I get on with him ok, I think he is cool, dunno what he thinks of me tbh but that's not the main issue, the issue for me is opening up in therapy, had a couple of sessions with him on once a week basis

He said to me in my last session with him..it was so random.. something along the lines of, "I feel like i'm having to do all the work here", when I heard that I was abit like eh? and was abit confused, then he went on to mention emotional energy and how I have to bring it with me to every session and not being scared and about how records are not being kept, he said this about 3 - 4 times, 3rd time round I got abit annoyed, so I asked where am I going wrong? and I didn't get a clear response...helpful...I know its me otherwise he wouldn't make this comment but i'm lost..

I can identify that it does take me a while to get warmed up, i've been out of therapy for over a year and i've just gone back to it, another reason is that I don't wanna disclose some stuff that's real hard to talk about due to the rules of confidentiality in the UK.. I really don't know..

Maybe i'm going too much and should reduce my sessions until i'm more comfortable?
Maybe i'm not ready for therapy right now?

How do people open up in therapy or communicate things that feel impossible to say?

Theres like a million things i'd love to say to him about what i'm thinking/feeling but i'm just stuck..

It's abit disappointing either way..

Any opinions are greatly appreciated..I'm not looking for the answer just some perspective.. Sorry for the life story. Thanks

[Lamplighter]

Hello Oski and welcome to PC .

I don't think I can answer your actual question about opening up in therapy, at least not in terms of what to do. I do think though that a large part of being able to open up and try and communicate things that feel impossible to say, depend on the calibre and trustworthiness of the T. Which is to say, there has to be some sort of trust and rapport between client and T before anything productive can happen (well I think so anyway.)

So what struck me about your post was the (to me) absurd comment by your T about his having to do all the work in there. Possibly he was just trying to point out that you weren't actually saying very much or whatever, but if I were in your place I'd be feeling judged and criticized and not a little resentful, not least because I'd be paying him to work! As you said, you're paying privately to see him, he's not an NHS freebie. But mostly that sort of comment would make me feel even less like opening up, because the big fear about opening up is being responded to with contempt or scorn or judgement or criticism or lack of understanding... and your T's comments seemed to manage to score in all those points

It also sounds like you haven't been seeing this T very long and so it's really early days, I find it confusing that he would be pushing you this early in the piece, doesn't sound like he's doing too well in the get client to trust him stakes. Do you know what modality he is, what his approach is?

You say that you think he's quite cool so obviously you see him positively, if you wanted to do something with an opening up in therapy gambit, you could go in next session and tell him how what he said made you feel, and take it from there .

Good luck with your therapy.

Torn

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Oski

Background:
How do people open up in therapy or communicate things that feel impossible to say?

I have had trouble saying some things too. When that happens, and I think it's stopping me from doing my work, I'll talk about having something that I can't talk about. And then we talk about how that feels, or what I'm scared of. Usually I end up telling - but not always. and it isn't always necessary. The related disucssion may be enough for me to do my work.
I don't think it's important for the therapist to know everything to help me. Sometimes it's important for me to know the therapist will trust me and be with me even if I have difficulty sharing.

[healed84]

I think that if you want to open more to him, than cutting down the number of sessions wouldn't be a good idea. At least it wouldn't work for me. The more I get to know somebody, talk to somebody the more I let my guard down. I think reducing would be counteractive to your issue. Good luck!

[seventyeight]

How do people open up in therapy or communicate things that feel impossible to say?

i've said this before: sometimes i find it much easier to start with a statement like, "this is really hard for me to say.." and then go right into it. i find that "talking" about the talking really helps, if that makes any sense.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

You could also try writing to him - either as an email, if he accept them, or bringing it to your therapy session. Then he could read what's on your mind and you could discuss it that way, without having to SAY the horrible words.

Just a thought.

[mixedup_emotions]

After 4 years of being in therapy (1-2x/week), I STILL struggle with opening up. When I reach tough topics, my body shuts down and it feels impossible to overcome. And that's after 4 years! So, I'm a bit surprised by your T's feedback to you. I understand it, but it surprises me that he wouldn't already know that it can take some time to build a relationship of trust in therapy which some people need.

I'm wondering if you could talk to T about this topic....how you're struggling with opening up, what you're feeling, how you feel about his comments, etc. I'd imagine that would lead to some very useful information!

[Victoria'smom]

Maybe i'm going too much and should reduce my sessions until i'm more comfortable? I would increase your visits until you are comfortable.
Maybe i'm not ready for therapy right now? I have difficulty believing anyone isn't ready. I feel those are the people that need the support the most.

Story time: I looked completely put together to T . She did know my dx was severe but confused by it and I didn't want to take my meds. I was required to go to therapy get my psy. meds so we focused on taking my meds. I was going every 3-5 weeks at this point.

Then I walked in silent and terrified one day. When she finally got me to talk, I scared the **** out of her but she learn tons of things that day. Surprisingly I was scheduled for an appointment less than a week after. Between the time I wrote and wrote and put it in her mailbox. Embarrassingly she doesn't check her mail and had to go get it. She told me to do a mood/event/thought chart. Now she want's everything I write. So I write a journal give it to her and the (more detailed) charts. I go every other week but she's in my head all the time!

I still walk in looking put together but because I write she knows better. I use to write outside and do general chit chat in session. Now I'm willing to vaguely talk about things on the paper. I'm hoping to get to the point that I can say everything I'm willing to write. How do people open up in therapy or communicate things that feel impossible to say? I use writing and a modified M/E/T chart.

[Oski]

Originally Posted by Torn Mind

It also sounds like you haven't been seeing this T very long and so it's really early days, I find it confusing that he would be pushing you this early in the piece, doesn't sound like he's doing too well in the get client to trust him stakes. Do you know what modality he is, what his approach is?

You say that you think he's quite cool so obviously you see him positively, if you wanted to do something with an opening up in therapy gambit, you could go in next session and tell him how what he said made you feel, and take it from there .

Good luck with your therapy.

Torn

Hey thanks for the reply - I've only been seeing him for about a month and he said his approach was a psychodynamic approach from what I remember..

Yeah I.. i'm gonna discuss it with him next time I see him, good idea, bit nervous but guess it's better than nothing.

Thanks again

[Oski]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

You could also try writing to him - either as an email, if he accept them, or bringing it to your therapy session. Then he could read what's on your mind and you could discuss it that way, without having to SAY the horrible words.

Just a thought.

Hey thanks for the reply - I like this idea, i'll give it a try for when I meet him next. Thanks again

[Oski]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I'm wondering if you could talk to T about this topic....how you're struggling with opening up, what you're feeling, how you feel about his comments, etc. I'd imagine that would lead to some very useful information!

Thanks for the reply, I intend to try out this advice when I see him next which is soon. Hopefully it goes well. Thanks again for the reply.

[Oski]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I still walk in looking put together but because I write she knows better. I use to write outside and do general chit chat in session. Now I'm willing to vaguely talk about things on the paper. I'm hoping to get to the point that I can say everything I'm willing to write. How do people open up in therapy or communicate things that feel impossible to say? I use writing and a modified M/E/T chart.

Thanks for the reply and thanks for the link for the MET chart, it looks really useful.

Interesting to hear your story too, has made me think a little.. I'll stick at it for a little and see where I get with the suggestions made inc the chart.

Thanks again for your reply.