Self sabotage

Feb 17, 2013 at 05:51 PM

I cancelled with new t because I can't put myself through this right now. I need a break from all the hard stuff just for a while as it is triggering me too much.
I know this is self sabotage and I know I am not doing the right thing but I keep self sabotaging lots of things lately. I feel like a time bomb waiting to explode. I need the comfort and familiarity of my current t right now because she is like my mother and I just need someone to care about me.

granite1 · Feb 17, 2013 at 05:54 PM

is there no way you can contact your old T

Feb 17, 2013 at 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

is there no way you can contact your old T

I still haven't terminated with her because I went to see new t so I still have appt with her this week but I cancelled my appt with new t because it will be another painful session

mixedup_emotions · Feb 17, 2013 at 06:13 PM

(((( button30 ))))

I can certainly understand feeling overwhelmed by the idea of facing another tough session. My T mentioned to me a couple of times how whenever we touched on something really painful for me, I "ran for the hills". I didn't cancel my sessions, but I redirected my focus onto something else, shut down, etc.

I'd imagine it's quite common for those who are in therapy to find ways to run when they're faced with scary, painful stuff.

There's gotta be some kind of balance between knowing what you can handle, knowing when a break is healthy and needed, and running from problems. I just haven't been able to figure it out yet.

Feb 17, 2013 at 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

(((( button30 ))))

I can certainly understand feeling overwhelmed by the idea of facing another tough session. My T mentioned to me a couple of times how whenever we touched on something really painful for me, I "ran for the hills". I didn't cancel my sessions, but I redirected my focus onto something else, shut down, etc.

I'd imagine it's quite common for those who are in therapy to find ways to run when they're faced with scary, painful stuff.

There's gotta be some kind of balance between knowing what you can handle, knowing when a break is healthy and needed, and running from problems. I just haven't been able to figure it out yet.

MUE, its so hard- this painful stuff. I really can't do it again, do it to myself.
Last session and first session, she told me that I had no support in my life, no one that loves me and that my ex in fact never loved me and that was way tooooo much for me to hear and I can't cope with that let alone with hearing anymore.

I hope that we can figure out this balance soon enough, I guess everyones gut reaction is to back away from danger. I KNOW, I need to work through this but a little step at a time not all together. DOn't take my two crutches away t

mixedup_emotions · Feb 17, 2013 at 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by button30

MUE, its so hard- this painful stuff. I really can't do it again, do it to myself.
Last session and first session, she told me that I had no support in my life, no one that loves me and that my ex in fact never loved me and that was way tooooo much for me to hear and I can't cope with that let alone with hearing anymore.

I hope that we can figure out this balance soon enough, I guess everyones gut reaction is to back away from danger. I KNOW, I need to work through this but a little step at a time not all together. DOn't take my two crutches away t

My T told me something similar, and it left me crushed. When feeling so ugly, repulsive and worthless, I would always think to myself - well, at least my husband finds me attractive and loves me.....to later learn that I was merely an object to meet his pathological needs, the realization was too much to bear. I get it. And it's excruciating.

Therapy is hard work. My T told me that it's important for me to have a good support network in place and have some stability in my life to be able to deal with trauma work. I'd imagine that would be useful for anyone dealing with any tough stuff in therapy. I'm not there yet either.

T talked about the stages of the work we're doing and how there is a light at the end of the tunnel if I could just become unstuck. Yet, he doesn't want me moving forward with it right now because I'm not stable enough yet in my life. The work is hard. But standing still knowing that there's such hard work yet to come is hard too.

I much preferred when I was unaware and numb.

Feb 17, 2013 at 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

My T told me something similar, and it left me crushed. When feeling so ugly, repulsive and worthless, I would always think to myself - well, at least my husband finds me attractive and loves me.....to later learn that I was merely an object to meet his pathological needs, the realization was too much to bear. I get it. And it's excruciating.

Therapy is hard work. My T told me that it's important for me to have a good support network in place and have some stability in my life to be able to deal with trauma work. I'd imagine that would be useful for anyone dealing with any tough stuff in therapy. I'm not there yet either.

T talked about the stages of the work we're doing and how there is a light at the end of the tunnel if I could just become unstuck. Yet, he doesn't want me moving forward with it right now because I'm not stable enough yet in my life. The work is hard. But standing still knowing that there's such hard work yet to come is hard too.

I much preferred when I was unaware and numb.

God MUE, that must have been excruciatingly painful

I much preferred it when I was numb and unaware too, it was hurtful them but now the pain is unbearable and like t said we can't go back in time and unlearn things we can only change how we react to the knowledge.

I don't have any support in my life right now and this is why its so hard because after my relationship ended I couldn't tell anyone and kept it all inside and my ex continued to abuse me and make my life hell, sabotaging any chance of happiness I had and I didn't tell anyone what was happening because I wasn't out and neither was she and because I refused to believe that this was her, she never behaved like this before but as it turns out she was pretending to be someone for me and this hurt the most. I just wish I could take a pill and forget her and all the pain that goes along with it.

mixedup_emotions · Feb 17, 2013 at 07:07 PM

Ah yes, take a pill to forget and to numb the pain.....that's quite familiar to me as well. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It's comforting to know, though, that we are not alone.

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granite1 running with scissors Member Since Aug 2009 Location: in my head Posts: 15,961 (SuperPoster!) 14 4,685 hugs given	Feb 17, 2013 at 05:54 PM #2 is there no way you can contact your old T __________________ BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that
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mixedup_emotions Elder Member Since Feb 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 7,326 15 3,268 hugs given	Feb 17, 2013 at 07:07 PM #8 Ah yes, take a pill to forget and to numb the pain.....that's quite familiar to me as well. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It's comforting to know, though, that we are not alone. __________________ Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail...
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