[Butterflying]

Even tho my T is being strict about not answering emails sometimes he does use email to communicate with me when he thinks its appropriate. So after he cancelled today via email I wrote back and told him I fell and injured both my ankles and had to use crutches--it was pretty traumatic for me--and no response. Nothing! All I can think of is that he really doesn't care. It hurts.

well seeing that he had to cancel today, maybe he is in the middle of his own emergency. Don't let this get you down, you don't know what's going on with him. I hope your ankles get better.

[Wren_]

ouch that sounds so painful, i hope you recover really well from both breaks and that you hear from your T soon; there can be lots of reasons for no reply yet that don't connect to his care for you even though i know it can feel like this

[Butterflying]

He cancelled due to bad weather which was appropriate. I just don't understand shy he showed no concern for me.

[precious things]

I don't have anything profound to add, I would be disappointed too. But, as others have said, it is more likely that he is busy with something than that he doesn't care.

[unaluna]

If my T cancels due to bad weather, he is outside shoveling snow and dealing with a car he can't get up a hill. Your T may be in a similar bad situation. I am sure he cares about you being on crutches.

[Anne2.0]

In bad weather, my email provider often goes down, burping out old messages days later. Emails do get lost, even under the best of weather.

I think that you can look for evidence of caring in what he does during your sessions, or you can look for a lack of evidence in the absence of an email. I can't imagine finding that my T returning an email that took 20 seconds to say "sorry you had an accident" could somehow trump the importance of the lovely way he listens to and understands me during every 50 minute session, for over 2 years now.

It is up to you to decide how you want to interpret a lack of response (or a delayed response) to an email. But you don't have to interpret it as a sign of a lack of caring.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

Even tho my T is being strict about not answering emails sometimes he does use email to communicate with me when he thinks its appropriate. So after he cancelled today via email I wrote back and told him I fell and injured both my ankles and had to use crutches--it was pretty traumatic for me--and no response. Nothing! All I can think of is that he really doesn't care. It hurts.

I'm sorry your T didn't answer your email, and I'm sorry you hurt your ankles. I hope you recover soon. I understand your dilemma because I have been in the same situation with my T. You say your T is strict about NOT answering emails but sometimes he does, when HE thinks it's appropriate. I don't know if you read my thread about missing my T, so I'll summarize. My T doesn't answer my emails either, except sometimes, like for scheduling or my birthday. I was just out-of-town and missed 2 sessions, because my daughter had a baby. I emailed my T the news and I was sure that she'd send me back a brief congratulations email, but she never did. I was very hurt.

When I had my session this week, she said that she was sticking by our rule and that's why she didn't email. I said "but you did last year on my birthday". So, that was confusing to me. Now I know that she will no longer email me at all unless it's to change or cancel a session. She says that it doesn't mean she doesn't care about me, that she is doing it because she DOES care. I wasn't always happy with emails when she used to respond to all of them, so this way I don't get upset. I'm sure that your T will be sympathetic when you see him next. Or, maybe he will email you. It's confusing when you don't know whether to expect an email or not, though. Then you can get disappointed like you are now, and tell yourself that T doesn't care, which isn't true.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

He cancelled due to bad weather which was appropriate. I just don't understand shy he showed no concern for me.

Ts are busy people and do not spend a lot of time on their computers. Maybe he just hasn't seen it yet? My T has a particular aversion to email, though she does use it.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

When I had my session this week, she said that she was sticking by our rule and that's why she didn't email. I said "but you did last year on my birthday". So, that was confusing to me.

This resonates with me. It's OK for a T to be strict, but she ought to be absolutely clear what the rules are.

My T is in an email-answering mood at the moment, but at any moment she might decide to stop without warning.

[rainbow8]

Can'tExplain: I agree. My T hasn't been so good with absolutes. She likes being flexible, but the changes in rules have been upsetting. I asked her many times if she was always going to answer my emails, and she said "yes". I admit it was my suggestion that they were hurting me. Sigh. I wish I hadn't said that sometimes. Every time I asked her if she was going to "take hand-holding" away from me, she said "no". Every time! I know it's because she decided it wasn't good for me, but I still felt bad about the changes.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

She likes being flexible, but the changes in rules have been upsetting.

I think there's a difference between a T who changes the rules because they are not working versus one who changes the rules just for fun, for the T's own benefit, or just to screw with you.

I believe you have stated, RB, that your T explained her reasoning in the change and you even agreed with it, and/or thought that the changes were for the best.

I think it's unreasonable to think that your T would continue to remain unchanged in the face of evidence that some rule was doing you harm. Or that your T would be like concrete, never moving, no matter what. That would certainly give you permission to go off the deep end and then complain that she can't do anything about it, because the rules should always stay the same.

Ultimately, you can walk away from the rules and rule changes by switching T's, or leaving therapy all together. But I just don't think that complaining that your T changed something is much of a real complaint, when she said she changed it for your benefit and I believe you have reaped the reward of that benefit.

[rainbow8]

Thanks, Anne. You're probably correct. I don't want to hijack butterflying's thread--sorry if I did already, butterflying.

Originally Posted by Butterflying

Even tho my T is being strict about not answering emails sometimes he does use email to communicate with me when he thinks its appropriate. So after he cancelled today via email I wrote back and told him I fell and injured both my ankles and had to use crutches--it was pretty traumatic for me--and no response. Nothing! All I can think of is that he really doesn't care. It hurts.

So he uses email when it is convenient for him, it sounds like..."when HE thinks it's appropriate"...and THAT would bother me. The boundaries aren't clear here, which is why it's so hurtful. And he should have taken the time to show his concern/care for you, barring any technical difficulties. I would definitely clarify the use of email in the future and tell him how you feel.

I do hope your ankles are doing better.

["Tilly may"]

wow, I hope you get better soon and Im sorry that your T was a ****. my T didnt respond to my emails either. ouch.