[Jannaku]

Hi I've been seeing a psychologist for about 5-6 sessions now. I went to see her because of relationship issues (narcissistic partner). Over the course of our sessions she has managed to unearth all this baggage from when I was a child and adolescent. It has been a painful experience for me as I feel like I am reliving the moments especially attached to the death of my dad when I was 9 years old. At the time we talk it's all OK and then I get into this really pensive mood afterwards and then one thought leads to another and before you know it I am a blubbering mess. Is that normal? Ive never done therapy before but I thought it would be more direct and focused on the specific issue(s). I can't quite grasp how unearthing how I feel and past issues helps me deal with my partner and the issues HE has now.

[Victoria'smom]

It depends on the therapist and you. Some therapists deal with the here and now others deal with the "roots" I think most of it depends on how you direct it. Yes, therapy leaves me with productive questions to think about. S/he may be trying to find out what issues you bring into the relationship to help you more. I know we do touch on my back ground a bit but it's in passing.

[ECHOES]

I think what we experience in therapy is what we need to experience. When we can drag out that "baggage" and look at it and work through the feelings about it, it can cease to be baggage that we have to drag around. It can become a little memory box that we place on a shelf instead; something to take out and look at if we want to versus something that is always there like a heavy backpack strapped to our back to carry around. I think the strong feelings you are having might indicate you still have some grieving to do.

I hope you are talking to your therapist about your feelings after/between sessions.

[Jannaku]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I think what we experience in therapy is what we need to experience. When we can drag out that "baggage" and look at it and work through the feelings about it, it can cease to be baggage that we have to drag around. It can become a little memory box that we place on a shelf instead; something to take out and look at if we want to versus something that is always there like a heavy backpack strapped to our back to carry around. I think the strong feelings you are having might indicate you still have some grieving to do.

I hope you are talking to your therapist about your feelings after/between sessions.

Thanks for putting it to me like you have. The analogy is great. You are more than likely right about it being "baggage" that needs to be dealt with which is why it comes out like this. To date I have not told my therapist about what is happening. Usually its just feeling a bit down and out but this week it unleashed rivers of tears and horrible feelings of hopelessness and grief.

Thanks for your reply

You will never change a narcissist. But you can find out why YOU were attracted to a narcissist. The roots to that lie in your history.

It feels cosy to only see the faults in others. It takes courage to take the splinter out of our own eyes.