Therapy has been really hard lately, bringing up a lot of difficult things and leaving me feeling frustrated and upset after most sessions, with myself and my situation but also my therapist. Last week I canceled, saying I needed a break from it. Yesterday I emailed my t saying, what I want is another week away because it feels like too much lately and I'm tired of talking--but, I don't know if the urge to withdraw is because I actually want to be left alone or for other reasons, like avoiding difficult topics. I said that I know I probably shouldn't cancel again and that "I want you to help me try to work through whatever this is, I do know I don't want to just walk away". [edited to add, I honestly wasn't looking for a reply, I often email what I'm feeling but then go in and talk about it, which was the plan]

His reply, though, was "You're probably overthinking it.", and to take another week off if I want and maybe I should slow the pace of therapy altogether. Usually I am the first to gladly admit I overthink everything to death, but this time it hurt. I don't know that I want to cut back therapy, I thought I was doing the right thing saying that I wanted him to help me talk about it first.

I can rationally understand that he was probably trying to be helpful and not push me and trying to be supportive of that I said it's overwhelming right now...but I wish he would have left out the overthinking part. It felt dismissive, and I feel foolish for having reached out in a pretty emotional way asking him to please help me, only to be told that this process takes years and years and I'm just thinking too much right now.

Thanks for reading, I'm just curious about any objective responses. Maybe I am just too emotional right now and am taking everything the wrong way.

[sittingatwatersedge]

i've found that email can come across a lot more severe than it should. Maybe talking you through it is the thing, not emailing about it.

give yourself a little bit of a break Amaj - if you need to sit on the landing and catch your breath before you tackle the next flight of stairs, no one will blame you. Nobody is timing you.

be gentle with yourself.

[Syra]

I wouldn't have liked the response. I thought you were reaching out to engage even if on the edges and in discomfort. I thought you were reaching out for help and being honest. He basically didn't engage. He gave you an answer while you were still struggling with the question. Can you call him/write him back and say "I don't know if I want to skip again. I want help figuring out what I want" or something like that? Or did I hear you wrong too. What would have been a perfect response from him?

Thanks, Syra. I just added, I really wasn't looking for a perfect response, especially by email. I just wanted to let him know what I was feeling and what I wanted to talk about. I will admit maybe I was too ambiguous about whether I was actually wanting to cancel again, though. Wanting to was the feeling, but I didn't think it was the right thing to do and I wanted him to help me talk (in person) through this urge to want to quit lately.

[Perna]

That you had such a reaction to his response, that would be a good place to focus? I would make another appointment or go to your next session, whenever it is, whether I want to or not, and talk about just that; your conflict between wanting to/not wanting to talk and wanting to be helped to talk and decide and have someone else suggesting what you should do so you don't have to think so hard about it, etc. It is hard work getting to a clear spot when you are so conflicted! But taking time out often doesn't really help at all, the work and its tangles are still there waiting for you when you go back.

[tinyrabbit]

I think it's one of those responses that can be taken many different ways depending on how you are feeling and what cycles you are in.

It sounds to me like he was saying: maybe you don't need to worry about everything right now, take some time out if you want and don't feel you need all the answers right now.

[WePow]

When I push away from my T, I know that usually means we are close to hitting a nerve. From what I can tell, emotional nerves respond the same way physical nerves respong. When the hand senses fire, the first response is automatic to pull the hand away. That is even before the brain gets the signal and can think about it.

[tinyrabbit]

I would say talk to your T and tell him how you felt. You'll probably get somewhere significant as a result.

I did tell him I wasn't going to come in again, but I think I'm going to see if I can uncancel. I appreciate the responses, all of you have good points, but I'd really rather see him face-to-face at least once more before deciding if I'm going to take time off. I don't want to leave this discomfort and the really strong reaction I had to the email unaddressed for a week.

[elliemay]

Good for you! I'm sure he will see you.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by WePow

When I push away from my T, I know that usually means we are close to hitting a nerve. From what I can tell, emotional nerves respond the same way physical nerves respong. When the hand senses fire, the first response is automatic to pull the hand away. That is even before the brain gets the signal and can think about it.

That is a great way to describe it.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by amaj910

I appreciate the responses, all of you have good points, but I'd really rather see him face-to-face at least once more before deciding if I'm going to take time off. I don't want to leave this discomfort and the really strong reaction I had to the email unaddressed for a week.

FWIW, that seems to me to be the next right step. Good luck with it all.

[skeksi]

I would be hurt by that response, too. I told my T once in the middle of a hard session that I wanted to leave, and he moved his chair back and said, you're free to go. I know he wasn't trying to sound dismissive, but that's how I felt it.

I think it is usually important to Ts that they give us as much agency over our therapy as possible; which can be (for me at least) hard to figure out. I think you state quite clearly here that PART of you wants to slow down, skip sessions, or avoid, and PART of you wants to go and talk through it.

Perhaps, when you go, you can talk about these two parts and the tension about what you want to do.

Originally Posted by skeksi

I would be hurt by that response, too. I told my T once in the middle of a hard session that I wanted to leave, and he moved his chair back and said, you're free to go. I know he wasn't trying to sound dismissive, but that's how I felt it.

I think it is usually important to Ts that they give us as much agency over our therapy as possible; which can be (for me at least) hard to figure out. I think you state quite clearly here that PART of you wants to slow down, skip sessions, or avoid, and PART of you wants to go and talk through it.

Perhaps, when you go, you can talk about these two parts and the tension about what you want to do.

I agree with what I bolded, I also find it hard to figure out. I struggle with the conflict of understanding, and being glad for, his constant respect for my own autonomy - but then there are moments that I can end up taking that as cold or not giving a care about me.

Unfortunately my appointment this week was given to someone else already, but I understand that and I'll see him next time and talk about this.

Originally Posted by WePow

When I push away from my T, I know that usually means we are close to hitting a nerve. From what I can tell, emotional nerves respond the same way physical nerves respong. When the hand senses fire, the first response is automatic to pull the hand away. That is even before the brain gets the signal and can think about it.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

That is a great way to describe it.

It really is. Thanks, WePow.