[ReddClay]

Hi. I am new and this is my first post. I have been in T for about a little while now. Towards the beginning T and I talked a little bit about taking care of my inner child, and I pretty much thought the whole idea was, well, nuts. I really gave it very little thought and moved on with other issues we are working on together.

Well, in the last month or so I have started to feel very safe with my T and realize what a big deal this is. Flashbacks started, and T said that is a sign I am healing because I have to feel safe for them to come up. And, so to encourage my healing, I would purposefully tell myself that I was safe outside of session.

After a few times of this, out of the blue my inner child emerged for the first time and, whoa, talk about an emotional overload. It was like someone sent more electricity to the circuits then I could handle! I have these 5-10 min sessions where I squirm, breathe heavy, and feel intense waves of emotion. I tell myself I am safe over and over, and eventually it dissipates and I feel fine.

Is this normal? Has anyone else had this happen? I want to tell T but I want to figure out what the emotions are first cuz I know T will ask! It has happened 3x in the past couple weeks, and I have no idea what is going on. Any help/insight is appreciated!

PS I have been reading the posts on here for awhile. They are some of the Funniest things I have read, and other days, some of the most heartfelt. Thanks to all who post and show your vulnerability! It really does help others when we are in relationship with one another.

[feralkittymom]

Hi!

You don't need to figure it out before telling your T. Just describe it as you did here. It may just be anxiety as a memory emerges which is pretty common. Let your T help you make sense of it. It'll be ok.

[Willowleaf]

I so relate to those feelings. I still don't know what all the emotions are and t is helping me gradually unpack them and try to see where they are coming from. I think if I could do it all on my own I wouldn't need therapy! What sort of questions would your t ask? Mine always starts with where in your body do you feel it? She also sometimes wonders, as they do, if this emotion is involved and I usually deny it but after a while it often pans out that she is correct. Does it ever happen in the session? I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this as I know how scary it can be. It sounds like you're dealing with it really well, but my t tries to encourage me to ring or text when it happens so I don't feel so alone.

[anilam]

Welcome Reddclay.

Yes, as Ferralkittymom already said, why wait to tell your T?
I too have sometimes these 'session' of emotional overload (though mine are much, much shorter). I've learnt that it's so much easier to bring it up with T- cause 1. I feel safer than when alone 2. my T asks some very good Qs (kind of leads me to it).
That's what Ts are for anyway.

[WePow]

Sometimes the inner child can be so young when the trauma was happeneing that emotions do not yet have words. The emotions are still there, but the mind is not yet developed enough to categorize them into feeling words.

This is a mention about the EMDR work with that in mind. I am sure there are more rescources on thie.

http://www.emdrtraining.com/AT_Targe...a_Edmonton.pdf

The main thing is to just be there for that little part of you. Do not try to force the emotions into word containers because the emotions are most likely blended anyway. My infant part has memories where the emotions are pain, fear, sadness, and anger all in one solid crying expression.

Be gentle with yourself.

[WePow]

here is a better resource

http://archive.org/details/preverbaltraumad00doro

I get these episodes too, panic attack stuff for me. As everyone said Tell T and keep posting!

[ReddClay]

Thanks everyone for the replies!

A couple things I should clarify:
1) Safety is the trigger. Not memories or flashbacks. I start to think about how safe i feel in and out of T, and wham, the emotions start. It is almost like My inner child now knows I am safe so it is ok to let the emotions out.
2) It almost feels like a purging when it happens if that makes any sense.
3) The feelings are a touch on the sexual side which is entirely embarrassing to admit but from what I understand entirely normal.

@willowleaf I have not had them happen in session yet. That is a whole 'nother level of vulnerability i am not yet rady to handle... But I feel like it is going to happen here soon whether the adult part of me wants it to or not. T will ask me where in my body I will feel it which due to #3 above will be mortifying to answer so I can see myself just answering "all over" which won't be untrue. T will also ask what the emotion is. And T is the most patient person I have ever met.... T will wait until I answer. Oh, how T can wait!

@wepow I think you might be right in that it is a proverbial state.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by WePow

here is a better resource

http://archive.org/details/preverbaltraumad00doro

Thanks wepow that looks great.

Darnit lost my edit!!

Reddclay, kudos to you for being so aware of your feelings. Tell your T. They are old feelings. Ie from the past, perhaps from past abuse or fear. Where else would you feel it but "there" as a kid? Wow.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by ReddClay

Thanks everyone for the replies!

A couple things I should clarify:
1) Safety is the trigger. Not memories or flashbacks. I start to think about how safe i feel in and out of T, and wham, the emotions start. It is almost like My inner child now knows I am safe so it is ok to let the emotions out.
2) It almost feels like a purging when it happens if that makes any sense.
3) The feelings are a touch on the sexual side which is entirely embarrassing to admit but from what I understand entirely normal.

@willowleaf I have not had them happen in session yet. That is a whole 'nother level of vulnerability i am not yet rady to handle... But I feel like it is going to happen here soon whether the adult part of me wants it to or not. T will ask me where in my body I will feel it which due to #3 above will be mortifying to answer so I can see myself just answering "all over" which won't be untrue. T will also ask what the emotion is. And T is the most patient person I have ever met.... T will wait until I answer. Oh, how T can wait!

@wepow I think you might be right in that it is a proverbial state.

Red,
I want to describe my experience, and hope you will tell me more about yours. I'm new at thinking about this emotional side as a child part.
Hmmmm. Mine comes out when I am not in with T. I never thought about that it comes out in between sessions because I felt safe?, because confusingly, when it comes out, I don't feel safe at all. It overwhelms me with emotions, etc., that are ungodly. Then I seek T, ugh. I hate that.

It hasn't come out full force in therapy for me, either. I just know it is there, I think, it feels a bit like anxiety and looks like energy in the shape of a paramecium (I visualize it in my head)? It floats around in the bottom of my stomach and sometimes goes back underground, especially if someone is seeking it. When I was doing hypnosis, it looked like it had red and white spikes on it like an underwater sea creature, and the last time I saw it, it was like black static that you see on T.V. (energy), but it always has that shape.

Mine is in the pit of my stomach. And it is locked in the dungeon, under a wooden door, that has stairs going down to it. I have NO idea what it looks like from my child-like part's perspective? My T asked me where it resided, so I told him. He said some parts live on mountains, I forget where else he said, but do you notice where yours lives? Just wondering.

I told my T I wanted to go back to once a week instead of twice. I went to twice because I was having major emotional strikes from my child-like part. I suspect this part of me will emerge sometime in the near future. Maybe I will try thinking that it feels safe, which is why it is coming out, instead of being terrified by it. Thanks so much for posting.

[ReddClay]

@antimatter You are welcome. I hope a different, fresh perspective was helpful.

I met with T yesterday and he came dangerously close to landing right in that part of the yard. Like if T took one more step in that direction, it was going to come out. I couldn't go there yet with T so I directed the convo elsewhere. I wonder if T knows. T never mentioned the words "inner child" but did mention trying to draw emotions out. Ugh. It is scary I wish I wasn't so resistant.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Yeah, I wish all of my self states would just make a show in therapy, instead, nothing happens. I don't know what this means. I experience my self-hatred part more than when I experience my child-like part. I don't feel like I have control over when the child-like part is here. It's so frustrating.