[Asiablue]

I wonder how therapists feel when they terminate from a client? If they've worked a long time with a client do you think it bothers them, makes them sad?

i wish i knew how they felt about therapy with a client ending..

[Perna]

I suspect it is a bit like a teacher feels with a student they have helped a lot or how I've felt when I've left a coworker to move on to other things in my life. Our therapy should be one of the biggest things in our life but it's not (our therapy) one the biggest in our therapist's life. It's a proportion thing I think, it's a big change in our life but only one of many similar ones over the year to T? We meet and get to know people, friends, relatives, etc. and then we grow older and who we know and are with changes over time. When you are in third grade, the three teachers you've had are bigger in your life than when you are in 12th grade and have had 40 or so? Therapy is kind of a one-off event in our lives so more important to us.

[stopdog]

Here are some books on termination that I read:

Termination in Psychotherapy - Joyce, Piper, Klein
Positive Endings in Psychotherapy- Steven Kramer
Terminating Therapy- Davis
Good enough Endings – Salberg
Endings in Clinical Practice -Walsh

[Asiablue]

You make a good point Perna, several actually lol but in that we are one of many to out t's and there is just one T in our life.

After a recent termination with my T, i have promised myself to never make a T central to my life. I'm going to fill my life up with other things and hopefully any future T's will play a smaller part in my life and therefore any termination will be less painful. Cos right now i hurt badly.
And it hurts to imagine, who has my time slot now, and it hurts to think that she doesn't feel anything other than relief not to be working with me. Although i'm trying not to think like that because she always told me how much she cared for me.

thanks Stopdog, i will look for them!

[tinyrabbit]

I would hope they feel good about doing their job well, presuming termination happened because therapy was no longer needed and not for some more problematic reason.

My T said I ultimately need to learn to cope by myself, and while it's fine to rely on him at the moment, he wouldn't be doing right by me if he let me get 'stuck'. So I hope that, by the time I leave, we'll both feel happy at how it's turned out. Man do I hope that.

I read this and thought it was interesting:

Back to the Wild « what a shrink thinks

[tinyrabbit]

That's a really interesting article. Thanks for posting it.

Here is an interesting article about a therapist who moves away and how she feels about terminating all of her clients;
Termination in Psychotherapy - a Vignette

From the same site button listed:

Termination and Countertransference

[critterlady]

When my previous T had to terminate with all his clients because he was moving, he told me how surprised he was by how hard it was. He hadn't realized just how attached he'd become to many of his clients.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I read this and thought it was interesting:

Back to the Wild « what a shrink thinks

I thought it was a very good & well-written article. Thank you!

[~EnlightenMe~]

The way my therapy ended, I it is obvious my XT hated me and couldnt wait until I was out the door. I am sure he was relieved. He broke his promises, it makes me want to do the same.

[feralkittymom]

So much depends, I think, on how the decision to terminate is reached, who initiates it, how final it is, what has come before, etc.

I think terminations, when they're not a consequence of a mishandled therapy, very much reflect the character of the people involved and the circumstances of the termination.

My therapy terminated because my T needed to retire because of illness. So it was a bit premature, perhaps, and for reasons that had nothing to do with the conduct of therapy. It was the result of a re-evaluation of his life and needs at that time. It was bittersweet because of that.

Years later, I was traveling and we arranged to meet. At the last minute, we couldn't because of a medical problem, but we talked on the phone. He expressed disappointment and admitted that he had been looking forward to seeing me. I knew he'd be pleased to see me, but it had never occurred to me that he would actively want to see me. It felt really good.

We e-mail regularly, but I hope there's an opportunity to see him again. I'm out of the country, and he's aging, so I just don't know if it will ever be possible.

So I think the comparison to former students probably holds true. I'm always happy to hear from past students, though there's only a handful that I go out of my way to keep in contact with. Why them and not others? I don't know: personality, connection, fondness? It's the mystery of relationships.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I will never know why my xT terminated me, his point of view, if he blames me, or whatever. I can't imagine him not despising me, nor do I think he will ever email or anything like that. I was too insignificant for him to sit down with me later and try to talk to me about it.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I wonder how therapists feel when they terminate from a client? If they've worked a long time with a client do you think it bothers them, makes them sad?

i wish i knew how they felt about therapy with a client ending..

((((Asia))))),
Do you think you will ever be able to find out. Like, do you think you could write her?

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I read this and thought it was interesting:

Back to the Wild « what a shrink thinks

wow thanks for posting that, i love that article!!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I wonder how therapists feel when they terminate from a client? If they've worked a long time with a client do you think it bothers them, makes them sad?

i wish i knew how they felt about therapy with a client ending..

I think they are told very firmly at T school not to let on how they feel about termination.

My T has already told me how he would feel if I terminated early just because it's so freaking hard. But I think he's more open with his feelings than most therapists.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My T has already told me how he would feel if I terminated early just because it's so freaking hard. But I think he's more open with his feelings than most therapists.

What did he say?

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What did he say?

He said he would respect my decision, but would tell me the reasons why he thought it was important for me to continuing working on these issues, even it it's not with him. He said he would miss me a great deal just on a personal level and would have sorrow over my leaving. He said he would have to work hard to keep his feelings out of the room, and admitted if the parting was abrupt, he would be pretty miserable about it.

[roads]

My last T, who was unable/unwilling to help me find out what a dream meant that was waking me nightly--and part of a greater anxiety--was clearly upset when I terminated and went off seeking a therapist with some dream work experience.
At the final session, I ended up reminding him of all the good work we'd done together. But I couldn't get him to understand that his belief that dreams are only residual garbage of the day was blocking his work with me. He wasted 3wks while I agonized & he offered nothing helpful.
He was very upset--but he didn't understand.

[Dreamy01]

My former T grieved for our relationship at the ending. I know this because she told me she was feeling the pain too. We got on brilliantly and could really have been friends if it didn't meet in the therapy context as we had so much in common.

My current T once said that she feels very sad when clients leave, especially long term clients because of the attachment over time, but she is pleased for them that they have reached a point where they don't need therapy anymore.

I imagine ts feel similar to how parents do when a child leaves home. Pride mixed with sadness.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I think they are told very firmly at T school not to let on how they feel about termination.

If so, my therapist must have missed that class. When I left therapy with my old therapist I knew exactly how he felt - sad, but happy for me and my new opportunity.

I think it depends on the termination.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

((((Asia))))),
Do you think you will ever be able to find out. Like, do you think you could write her?

I have considered emailing her and asking her if this is hard for her. But i'm scared to. I don't think she'd tell me via written word and since i won't see her again, i guess i'll never know.

I saw her yesterday for a few minutes while i picked up some books that i'd lent her. I wished i'd asked her then.

[elliemay]

I think that your therapist potentially should have shared her feelings with you as the therapy ended. There may have been good reason why she didn't - like she didn't want you to stay because she would be sad etc....

It may be something that you will never know, or if she told you now that you would never trust.

What matters here, I think, is how YOU feel. That's what makes the experience REAL for you. It helps to know, and believe, how the other is feeling, but it isn't necessary or sufficient for our experience.

How you feel is right. How you feel is part and parcel of the experience and loss. That's what matters here don't you think?