[ready2makenice]

Hi I'm new to this board and I'm also new to therapy.
My T is very nice and all but I have my own trust issues.My T told me right now I can be dependent on her and that its okay to lean on her and she'll let me know when I cross boundaries but I've got a serious problem with rejection so I tend to reject the idea of leaning on her.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm starting to feel an attachment towards her and its scaring me.
Its still early on in therapy and I don't want to get overwhelmed by these feelings.Has anyone else felt this way about their T.I don't want to have to quit,it was hard enough to start and I don't want a new T either.Any help or suggestions?has anyone ever been through this?

[Asiablue]

As someone who has just been thru a major rupture with my own therapist thru boundary issues, i would suggest if rejection is an issue for you that you ask her to clarify boundaries rather than waiting until you accidentally bump against one. Boundaries can be things like policies on time, on outside contact ie email and text, is she available for emergency/crisis contact, what is a reasonable reason for calling etc.

Also i would make sure she is equipped to deal with your issues. Because you don't want to invest your time and your heart with someone who is going to get half way thru and decide she's not the right type of T for your needs (also happened to me! )

Also feeling attached to your T is perfectly normal, you'll see many people on this board are attached to there T's. But i understand it is a scary thing

Welcome to the boards x

[likelife]

Welcome to the board! I agree that it's important to establish boundaries first, rather than waiting to be told you bumped into one. Have you talked with your T about feeling attached? I'd imagine that a lot of fruitful stuff could come from that discussion.

[ready2makenice]

First off thanks for the welcomes

her boundaries are very lose for the most part,she insist that I email her if needed and have gave me permission to text,I refrain from doing much of either.Almost like I don't want to overwhelm "her" does that makes sense?

These feelings have just developed recently,I see her weekly but I'm missing this week and I have the urge to email her and tell her everything but I'm afraid one day she'll be like,okay you're too dependent now.bye bye....abandoning me!!

Thanks for clearing that up,I thought I was a little a stranger for feeling attachment towards her.

I will try to bring it up next session,its starting to bother me and make me question if I should just quit therapy all together

[TheRealFDeal]

I "third" that emotion! It is perfectly natural to feel attached to your T, but I, too, would rather know where they are up front rather than find out after I crossed them. Well, that did happen to me, so talk to your T about it.

[anilam]

Yeah, boundaries should be made clear on the first/second sesssion.
This approach: I'll tell you off when you cross one is no good esp for ppl with rejection issues- might overreact seeing it as a rejection.
Otherwise- welcome to the club (to here on PC and also to feeling attached to your T)
No worry, its OK- just make sure you've picked the right T for you.

[tinyrabbit]

Attachment to your T is normal but scary. I spent two months perceiving mine as cold and uncaring (when he's really not!) as I was afraid to attach so it was easier to believe he hated me.

Definitely clarify boundaries as these can vary in some areas eg if it's okay to call, text or email. But also could you try to tell your T you are afraid of feeling rejected. I do agree with anilam that this approach could make you feel rejected, but of course everything goes through our own internal distortion filters and maybe what she meant was not to be afraid as she will guide you as you go along. I'm not saying I don't believe you, just that it's always worth asking yourself if that's really how they meant it.

[ready2makenice]

I'm am going to see my T on Wednesday,I haven't seen T in 2 weeks and I will address the issue of boundaries and rejection,I was going to try and address it via text but thought it was a bit informal and I don't really like texting her much outside of the office unless I'm in a really bad mood/crisis.I did let her know that I had a lot to tell her good and bad and now I'm really anxious for Wed.

My T has told me its okay to text and email,I'm not sure if I can call outside of session or after hours.I don't think I would either way because of my attachment issues and because I always feel like I bother

Have any of you been attached to T,did the feeling go away?

I was attached to my ExT but my therapy had to end, I wish that I was still seeing her it was also my first therapist.

[tinyrabbit]

The thing about this kind of attachment is it seems so overwhelming that you can't imagine moving past it or not feeling it. But it's like being a baby. You'll eventually get past it and be able to stand on your own two feet. And I'm not talking about babies because I think it's immature, but because many of us didn't attach to our parents in the right way and are relearning and reliving that process with our Ts. I think I'm a small child in therapy right now. I hope to one day be at the point where I'm ready to leave 'home', as it were.

I do think it's worth talking about it. About boundaries, about expectations. I told my T I felt he was hinting that he wanted me to end therapy. He couldn't even remember saying the things I'd heard, and told me I can keep going to therapy for as long as I like so long as he's alive.

Which brings me to my next point. Don't shy away from this stuff. It's better to come out and say how you feel, so your T can answer, than to kind of hint and hope they guess.