[refika]

I've been seeing my T for about 2 1/2 months now, nearly 3x a week. I really really like him, I'm beginning to really trust him and open up. He has helped me with one major issue and as a result of our work, my life has already improved. I took a step forward and accomplished something very big and very difficult that I've been thinking about for the past 10 years but haven't been able to. With T's support, I made that step.

The problem I'm having now is as we get further and further in our relationship, I'm questioning whether he's the right T for me. T practices client-centered psychology. He doesn't give diagnoses, keeps telling me there's nothing wrong with me, that I just have some things that need to be worked out, and will not read my writing that I give him, no matter how much I asked.

He gave his reasons for not reading my writing, saying it is counterproductive to the work in our sessions, it removes me and him from the moment, etc. I don't fully understand his reasons, and it's frustrating to me, even though I've accepted them so far.

Our sessions are usually productive, and I've had a lot of realizations in the short time I've been seeing him. T said I am making great progress. I feel like I am, but I can't help wonder is there someone "better" out there for me? T lets me direct the sessions deciding what to talk about. He doesn't take control in the sessions, but lets me set the tone, pace and what we talk about. He makes suggestions for future things to work on, such as mentioning I should learn some meditation techniques, mentioning EMDR for my trauma issues, etc. but we never get to working on those things. Maybe we will in time, but I get the feeling he is waiting for me to ask him to teach me or ask him for him to work with me on those specific things. I'm not very good at asking for help, and I'm uncomfortable with having to take the initiative in this case. So, that's making me second guess whether he's right for me as a therapist because of his method of practicing.

I don't like the thought of leaving him and finding someone else and starting all over again, telling someone else my issues, etc. I just can't help this nagging feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I don't have any other issues with him. In fact, he's been really great, seeing me on a day's notice when I've been in crisis mode, and flexible with scheduling our sessions. I just can't help thinking that these frustrations I'm feeling may be different with someone else, then again, maybe not. That's my confusion. I know many of you will probably say this is something to bring up with T, and I've been thinking about bringing it up. But in the meantime, the confusion is annoying and I don't know what to do.

Yep... your on to us... talk to your T. The grass is not always greener and if you can express your needs to T and see if he is willing to meet them seem like the best step. Starting over is really a huge undertaking and considering T has helped you with at least one issue in 2 1/2 months, which is very little time, ...maybe it's not all that bad?

[Perna]

I think you are worried and confused because you don't entirely understand how therapy works. It is not what the therapist does that helps us but what we do/learn. The therapist is just along for the ride, sort of, it's our trip.

A therapist should not be more directive (unless you have a very specific problem, like what to major in in college/what type job to take -- then a testing psychologist gives you an apptitude/interest test and you have more information on which to base your decision) than yours, I don't think; you have trouble with asking for help and interacting with others and that's what you are in therapy for; you can't very well learn to become comfortable asking for help or interacting with others other than by doing so? Therapy gives one learning situations we did not have growing up.

It sounds like you have seen your therapist about 10 times. I would give it 6 months to a year before you decide how your therapist is proceeding isn't working or you know more about, have more experience in therapy to know if there are different methods that might work better for you. When I'd get frustrated with my therapist, whom I saw for 9 years, I'd remember that she had been doing therapy successfully with many people for 40+ years and I was coming to see her because "my" way didn't work for me anymore.

My T would not read my stuff or read aloud during session to me, either, for the same reasons your therapist gives you. Therapy is mostly about the relationship with the "other" person and you can't have that other material besides conversation in between. It took me a long time (5-6 years) before I understood that I had been just "reporting" to my therapist about my life instead of living it there, in the room with her, telling her "new" things and exploring my feelings with her and not just mulling them over in my head and giving her my mulled over responses :-) Whenever I tried to get her to read something she'd ask me to tell her about how it made me feel, why I wanted her to read it, instead. Think about it this way (I use to write poems), your therapist wants what you are feeling and thinking when you are doing the writing, not afterwards, when you have done the feeling/thinking; he wants the original experience -- "the map is not the territory".

[precious things]

I think Perna has offered some brilliant insight.

[stopdog]

I think trying out some different ones can be useful. I have tried out a great many and settled on two. They are very different. It has been interesting and useful to see now different ones of them approach it and with which ones I felt I was willing to deal with.
Why not check out a few others to see about the grass. It could confirm that you are good with the one you have now or you really could find a better one for you.

Originally Posted by Perna

.....It is not what the therapist does that helps us but what we do/learn. The therapist is just along for the ride, sort of, it's our trip.

Think about it this way (I use to write poems), your therapist wants what you are feeling and thinking when you are doing the writing, not afterwards, when you have done the feeling/thinking; he wants the original experience -- "the map is not the territory".

I like this. I think it's exactly what my t is trying to say when she says that "You've done all the work" when I tell her how much I appreciate her. Gotta head to work, have a good day!

[Victoria'smom]

My T does read what I write. However she only skims what I give her the beginning of the session. Which subtracts about 5 min. from therapy. That said I only see T 2-3x a month.

[Willowleaf]

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a t lead the session! I so often wish I could sit down and she would say, right I've been thinking, today we will try such and such. In my dreams! My t mentions things and then leaves them to me to bring up. I don't and then waste time wishing we were doing them. I think Perna put it brilliantly.
It could be however that your t doesn't fit, but it is quite early days. Talking to him about what you want would be really good if you can. If you really carry on feeling its not right you could try others but don't go from frying pan to fire. It sounds like you've achieved loads with this one already.

[refika]

Well, I had another session with T today. I'm pretty sure he's a good fit for me, since I felt comfortable enough with him today to take control of the session. We talked about my concerns and we discussed how therapy works. Like Perna said, I was not quite sure and a lot of that was cleared up today.

For now, I'm going to keep going and see what happens. T agreed to try to nudge me along a little in sessions, but said it was important for me to step up and take control there.