[Nelliecat]

I think I'm falling to pieces and no-one knows how to put me together again. After my distressing session with T last Thursday I rapidly went downhill into feeling suicidal. I told H I wanted to go to hospital but he talked me out of it and has been at home looking after me for a couple of days. He had to go back to work today but booked me an appointment to see family GP who sorts my meds for this morning. Well, I've just been in and there is no appointment for me, it's all got confused and they probably can't fit me in til next week now. I stood there and cried, now I've come home and don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. I feel like I've been cast adrift with no hope of getting back to the shore.

[Nightlight]

That's happened to me in such a major way lately too (as a result of things that happened in my sessions). I'm really sorry you're feeling that way right now. It's so hard. Once things spiral down it's so tough to get back to being okay again, but it is possible. It just doesn't feel like it when you're stuck in the middle of it. Do you have another session with T coming up? I know your last session was really awful for you. I've really had to force myself to go back after some of my sessions.

And if you truly aren't safe and need immediate help, I hope you find some (like from the hospital after all, if the GP can't see you soon enough).

[Meisjes]

Hi nelliecat, I'm sorry things didn't turn out for you today. Are you able to go to emergency to get your meds sorted? It sounds like it would help you more to get it done as soon as possible. Does your T mind if you call in emergency? Perhaps that hasn't been discussed yet. this can be really difficult to feel like you're having to deal on your own. Can you call hubby at work, let him know what happened? If you need help to be safe it is important to call someone who can help you. maybe ask a friend to be with you till hubby gets home. or call the hospital yourself.

try to listen to some calming music or taking a warm bath can help you relax. Whatever is upsetting you - try to remember that it happened in the past. that it can't hurt you any more. Please take care. Meisjes.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Nelliecat

I think I'm falling to pieces and no-one knows how to put me together again. After my distressing session with T last Thursday I rapidly went downhill into feeling suicidal. I told H I wanted to go to hospital but he talked me out of it and has been at home looking after me for a couple of days. He had to go back to work today but booked me an appointment to see family GP who sorts my meds for this morning. Well, I've just been in and there is no appointment for me, it's all got confused and they probably can't fit me in til next week now. I stood there and cried, now I've come home and don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. I feel like I've been cast adrift with no hope of getting back to the shore.

I love the title to your thread. That's a perfect description of some days.

That sounds soo awful. I've been there - days when I think the door that hit me is part of the conspiracy to beat me down. And I feel so alone. And this wasn't a door, this was the doctor's office, full of people who are making choices. I imagine it hurt a lot. Is that it?

I hope you are able to find some relief.

[Sannah]

Hi Nellie, when is your next appt. with your T?

[Nelliecat]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hi Nellie, when is your next appt. with your T?

It's tomorrow morning at 10 (UK) and a friend is taking me after last week. I don't remember how I got home from that session. I'm terrified T will still be angry with me after the boundary thing because it was all my fault. I'm thinking this is the end, I can't go on feeling so awful.

[Sannah]

I really hope that you 2 can clear this up. Do you know what you want to say to her? I'll be thinking about you. I think that your appt. will be 5 AM my time.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I'm in your pocket Ncat.

what a good friend you have, to take you! that's good to hear. Maybe you can get out into the sunshine yet today, or to a park with yr friend. hope yr T gives you what you need!!!!!!

[likelife]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Nelliecat. I'll be thinking of you.

[FourRedheads]

I'm so sorry you are hurting right now. Having your friend take you tomorrow is a very good thing. I hope you are able to find some relief and talk to your t about what's going on. Be gentle with yourself. I'm in your pocket..we're t day buddies (but I'm in the US).

[Willowleaf]

I hope it goes well tomorrow. You will have to excuse me as I don't know what happened in last session, but certainly if my t knows I've been triggered for whatever reason she makes it a priority to help me calm down. I was dreading my session yesterday as it went so wrong last week, but she was very gentle and my nervous system felt like it finally managed to calm down. I really hope you can get something similar. Do you know what you want from her? Is there anything she can do to help? Mine always asks what do you need? And within reason will help me to get it in situations like this. It is hard asking for what you need, whether reassurance or an apology or forgiveness or whatever, but I am getting better at asking and it helps. ( wasn't sure what sex yout t was apologies if I got it wrong)

[Nelliecat]

Originally Posted by FourRedheads

I'm so sorry you are hurting right now. Having your friend take you tomorrow is a very good thing. I hope you are able to find some relief and talk to your t about what's going on. Be gentle with yourself. I'm in your pocket..we're t day buddies (but I'm in the US).

Hey t buddy

[Nelliecat]

Originally Posted by Willowleaf

I hope it goes well tomorrow. You will have to excuse me as I don't know what happened in last session, but certainly if my t knows I've been triggered for whatever reason she makes it a priority to help me calm down. I was dreading my session yesterday as it went so wrong last week, but she was very gentle and my nervous system felt like it finally managed to calm down. I really hope you can get something similar. Do you know what you want from her? Is there anything she can do to help? Mine always asks what do you need? And within reason will help me to get it in situations like this. It is hard asking for what you need, whether reassurance or an apology or forgiveness or whatever, but I am getting better at asking and it helps. ( wasn't sure what sex yout t was apologies if I got it wrong)

Unfortunately it was me that upset t, then of course I was distressed by that. I think she'll still be angry. Just want to get it over and done with and then maybe stop seeing her.

[Willowleaf]

Can't you tell her. Say how bad it has made you feel. You won't be the first or the last. If we are meant to really be ourselves in t then it exposes things that we may have issues with and she should judge you for it. If she can't forgive you then maybe she's not the t for you but I hope that she will be able to help you deal with these really distressing feelings. What do you do in real life if you make someone angry? I wish I could wrap you up and make you feel better. It's so hard going through what you are. I've been there and I will be there again. Hang on on there

[FourRedheads]

How are you doing? Did you go to T on Thursday?

[rainbow8]

What happened in your session, Nelliecat? I'm thinking of you. I hope your T apologized and you worked it out, though my opinion is that she isn't the right T for the way she reacted to your feelings at the last session. It's HER stuff to work out, not yours. You didn't say anything wrong to her. She's your T and she's supposed to be able to handle transference feelings.