[Freewilled]

I'm so lonely tonight....I was feeling badly and trying to figure out why, and I've been able to pinpoint that I just feel so alone. Even with others I feel lonely I miss my T but I feel stupid for missing him - I barely know him. Which just makes me feel like more of a loser.

I keep thinking I don't even need to be in therapy. Like I lose sight of why I'm making the choices that I am making - if that makes any sense...I don't know. It's like I have a huge part of me that says "you're fine, quit your whining and get on with your life already!" and the smaller part of me is trying to stand her ground saying, "no, Freewilled. You have a reason to go to therapy. It will not get better if you quit. It will be more of the same until you just cannot take it any more. Until you run out of strength and fall apart all alone again. Next time it will be even worse, so don't go there."

Ugh. I'm running out of energy and hanging on by a thread. I know during session that T is right there, but it's like I have an impenetrable shield around me that isolates me anyway. It doesn't help that I imagine he is just as annoyed with me as I am with myself

I don't see T again for 4 days either, but wondering if it'll really help anyway....I'm not sure what I'm asking for but thanks for listening...

[WePow]

You make sense. It feels like you are in pain inside. Big hugs!

[Ike McCaslin]

I hope you will find some comfort here, Freewilled. Blessings to you.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I'm so lonely tonight....I was feeling badly and trying to figure out why, and I've been able to pinpoint that I just feel so alone. Even with others I feel lonely I miss my T but I feel stupid for missing him - I barely know him. Which just makes me feel like more of a loser.

I keep thinking I don't even need to be in therapy. Like I lose sight of why I'm making the choices that I am making - if that makes any sense...I don't know. It's like I have a huge part of me that says "you're fine, quit your whining and get on with your life already!" and the smaller part of me is trying to stand her ground saying, "no, Freewilled. You have a reason to go to therapy. It will not get better if you quit. It will be more of the same until you just cannot take it any more. Until you run out of strength and fall apart all alone again. Next time it will be even worse, so don't go there."

Ugh. I'm running out of energy and hanging on by a thread. I know during session that T is right there, but it's like I have an impenetrable shield around me that isolates me anyway. It doesn't help that I imagine he is just as annoyed with me as I am with myself

I don't see T again for 4 days either, but wondering if it'll really help anyway....I'm not sure what I'm asking for but thanks for listening...

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You're so hard on yourself -you deserve therapy, the help, the healing, there's no shame in reaching out for help. Just by being willing to take the huge leap of faith it takes to be in therapy is enormously brave, commendable, and a big step in and of itself.

Baby steps... Your shields will come down, however gradually, when you're ready. I'm sure your therapist understands this. And once you start to be more engaged in therapy, or feel more comfortable, you may well have far less loneliness to look forward to, as that engagement and trust may spill over into your life outside of therapy. Or maybe in just feeling better about yourself, you will feel less lonely both when with others and when alone.

You can do this, be kind to yourself. I think many of us miss our therapists between sessions, no matter how long we've been with them, just know he/she will be there ready to help you in 4 days!

[luvinglife2012]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I'm so lonely tonight....I was feeling badly and trying to figure out why, and I've been able to pinpoint that I just feel so alone. Even with others I feel lonely I miss my T but I feel stupid for missing him - I barely know him. Which just makes me feel like more of a loser.

I keep thinking I don't even need to be in therapy. Like I lose sight of why I'm making the choices that I am making - if that makes any sense...I don't know. It's like I have a huge part of me that says "you're fine, quit your whining and get on with your life already!" and the smaller part of me is trying to stand her ground saying, "no, Freewilled. You have a reason to go to therapy. It will not get better if you quit. It will be more of the same until you just cannot take it any more. Until you run out of strength and fall apart all alone again. Next time it will be even worse, so don't go there."

Ugh. I'm running out of energy and hanging on by a thread. I know during session that T is right there, but it's like I have an impenetrable shield around me that isolates me anyway. It doesn't help that I imagine he is just as annoyed with me as I am with myself

I don't see T again for 4 days either, but wondering if it'll really help anyway....I'm not sure what I'm asking for but thanks for listening...

By reaching out here you have already decided to make a difference this time around. You have your T in 4 days, you have a post here until then. You are changing how things go in your life.

Keep asking, and keep reaching out, you have already gotten stronger which is why you reached out here. You know what you need to get through these moments that is why you posted here.

Like ultramar said in a previous post, "baby steps" Be kind to yourself. take the steps in a way that works best for you, slow and easy, tiny and careful, whichever works for YOU.

[big hugs to you!] (((HUGS)))

[pbutton]

Do you tell your T that you feel lonely? My best sessions have happened after I've purposely tried to break through my own shield. Good luck.