I am just curious because I can't trust my own views lately. I am thinking lately that no one is genuine and that t justs said that to please me or to make me feel better.
I didn't ask her if she liked me she just said it and now I don't believe her.
Have any of you had a similar experience?

[content30]

Yes, I do believe my current T. I do not believe everything that everyone says, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. Has your T done something that shows that she cannot be trusted? Also, you said that you didn't ask. So, just judging from this limited information, I would trust her.

To say that "no one is genuine" is extreme..an "always" or "never" type of statement/black-and-white thinking. When you examine that, you know that it cannot be true. There are genuine people out there. Everyone is human, and no one can be perfect all of the time, of course. However, many Ts are quite caring and genuine, IMO.

[anilam]

Hm, well actually my T (of 7 yrs) hasn't said that- or anything remotely similar to this...

you are right content, I am thinking in black and white and not everyone lies.
See I did sort of have a rupture with t and it was our first session back since then and I suppose I am trying to find something bad so I can run away.
I am glad you have one of the good Ts

[stopdog]

No I do not believe them when they say such things. But more than that, I do not know what difference it would make whether they mean it or not.

[WikidPissah]

If you hang around for a while, you will find that most T's say that to their clients. I don't think that it's disingenuous per-say, but I do know it's a tactic they use. I don't think a T would say it to someone that they didn't like or respect though.

BTW: Welcome!

Originally Posted by anilam

Hm, well actually my T (of 7 yrs) hasn't said that- or anything remotely similar to this...

Just because they haven't said it doesn't mean they don't think it Anilam

Originally Posted by stopdog

No I do not believe them when they say such things. But more than that, I do not know what difference it would make whether they mean it or not.

Well I don't know what difference it would make either but I would prefer a T who was genuine and only told the truth.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

If you hang around for a while, you will find that most T's say that to their clients. I don't think that it's disingenuous per-say, but I do know it's a tactic they use. I don't think a T would say it to someone that they didn't like or respect though.

BTW: Welcome!

A tactic? I am curious to know what kind of tactic?

[content30]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

you are right content, I am thinking in black and white and not everyone lies.
See I did sort of have a rupture with t and it was our first session back since then and I suppose I am trying to find something bad so I can run away.
I am glad you have one of the good Ts

I'm sorry that you had a rupture, and I know it's hard to look for the good and not the bad...I'm a recovering, formerly-negative person.

[anilam]

Thanks but the reason I share this is to show you that not all Ts do that and when they do mean it- at least the good Ts do. Call me naive but I think they do.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by anilam

Hm, well actually my T (of 7 yrs) hasn't said that- or anything remotely similar to this...

THen you have a T that I would respect.

Originally Posted by content30

I'm sorry that you had a rupture, and I know it's hard to look for the good and not the bad...I'm a recovering, formerly-negative person.

Its a long road to recovery but all the positives are waiting for you content

Originally Posted by anilam

Thanks but the reason I share this is to show you that not all Ts do that and when they do mean it- at least the good Ts do. Call me naive but I think they do.

Thank you Anilam, It does feel a little more geniune after your story

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Well I don't know what difference it would make either but I would prefer a T who was genuine and only told the truth.

A tactic? I am curious to know what kind of tactic?

That is what I meant by what difference would it make? Regardless of whether they do it or not - what does their liking/respecting a client have to do with the therapy itself? I am more suspicious of their motive for saying such things than I am of the sincerity of the underlying sentiment itself.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

THen you have a T that I would respect.

I see what you mean- if the T was using this 'tactic' to manipulate me- I would run for hills. However, I think it's important to realise that some Ts are just saying that because they really think/feel so. That the client is unable to believe it is another story.
Or do you really think that Ts can't like and respect their clients? I think the RS wouldn't work otherwise.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I am just curious because I can't trust my own views lately. I am thinking lately that no one is genuine and that t justs said that to please me or to make me feel better.
I didn't ask her if she liked me she just said it and now I don't believe her.
Have any of you had a similar experience?

Nope i don't believe her. either i think she doesn't know me so she doesn't know what she talking about. OR I think she's lying.

Originally Posted by stopdog

That is what I meant by what difference would it make? Regardless of whether they do it or not - what does their liking/respecting a client have to do with the therapy itself? I am more suspicious of their motive for saying such things than I am of the sincerity of the underlying sentiment itself.

Thats part of the reason I don't trust her Stopdog because I don't know why she said it and was wondering what her motives were.

Originally Posted by anilam

I see what you mean- if the T was using this 'tactic' to manipulate me- I would run for hills. However, I think it's important to realise that some Ts are just saying that because they really think/feel so. That the client is unable to believe it is another story.
Or do you really think that Ts can't like and respect their clients? I think the RS wouldn't work otherwise.

I think both t and client are capable of liking each other but in order for therapy to work properly the two parties must trust and love each pther

Not always. In the beginning she had to reassure me 100's of times. Now only when we have a major piece of work to do. And, just yesterday she reassured me when I asked her, "Am I a bad person? hat's where I landed while working on this last piece of my journey, which includes ending our formal relationship.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

T
I think both t and client are capable of liking each other but in order for therapy to work properly the two parties must trust and love each pther

I do not believe the parties have to love each other at all. I am not certain about even like, but love is quite the stretch as a requirement across the board, in my opinion. It could help some people, but for someone such as myself, the idea of that for me is quite repugnant.

The times the therapist has said those sorts of things to me, I have just been baffled about WHY she saying it. Like - why are you bringing this up now? What does it have to do with what I was talking about? Where does this info fit in? It is certainly not like I asked about it.

[Syra]

I believe my current T. Sometimes I wonder, but I can't point to anything to suggest otherwise is true.

I forced myself to believe and trust my prior T, because she said she cared, trusted me (I dont' think she ever addressed "respect"), but she did other things to suggest otherwise. I shouldn't have believed her. I should have trusted my instincts. It wasn't just my own insecurities. I could point to specific things that weren't congruent. She really really wanted to be a good T, and trust me, and care for me. But she didn't. And I eventually got very very hurt by her when she abandoned me (slowly) cuz she couldn't take it any more. She pushed herself beyond what she could handle. I should have listened for both of us.

[Anne2.0]

I've had seven years of therapy with three different T's, and none of them has ever said that they like and respect me.

However, I believe that all of them did like and respect me, and I don't think I needed to hear them say it. I wonder if T's might say this to clients who do not feel they are liked or respected, which then creates a vicious circle. At least that is what I would so if I sense someone thought I didn't like or respect them, or if they were fishing for whether I liked or respected them, or if they somehow said it out loud. Or if they made a general comment about people not liking or respecting them, I might say "but I like and respect you."

So I don't think that T's saying this is routine, I think they are responding to something the client said that somehow flagged these issues. I'm sorting through my session today and if T somehow said "I like and respect you", it would just be so out of place. So I think it's said in response to the issue the client brings, not just out of the blue.

But I have made it a practice to deal with people at face value. I refuse to try to guess at what people are saying, it is easier and more genuine (within myself) to accept what they say as genuine. So I don't really see it as an issue of T's genuineness, but of yours.

[JayneJohnson49]

I do not believe T when she says she cares but not in the sense that I distrust her or our work but I just don't see how I can be cared about. I also believe it is a tactic to increase trust and value within each other but I do not believe it to be a sneaky or slimy tactic, I understand what she's trying to do. My goal is eventually when she says it instead of deflecting I'll be accepting. I'll finally see I'm not disposable.

[JayneJohnson49]

Oh, when T has said it to me I have been the initiator, she's never out of the blue said "Jayne, I care about you" rather she says it in response to my expression of self doubt or wondering who would care if I was gone. Again I believe that's she's being open and honest as a means to build our relationship and encourage growth I just haven't been able to take it in yet.

So I concur with Anne's post.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by JayneJohnson49

I do not believe T when she says she cares

I've also never had a T who told me that s/he cared about me, but I guess I would feel that they would say that for the same reasons as they might say "I like you."

I did think of one more context that people sometimes say "I like you." I don't do this, but I've been on the receiving end of a sentence that goes "I like you, but [this thing you do drives me nuts."]. I don't know if a T would ever say this, it's kind of a tactic that is about trying to blunt the blow of some critical feedback. I prefer my critical feedback straight up, not shaken or stirred.

[tinyrabbit]

My T has not said that he likes or respects me. He a) acts like he does and b) tells me things he likes or respects (eg that I'm funny and clever) which is better, in my view.

Yes, i do believe her. One, my t has no reason to lie to me. Also, she acts like she likes me and respects me, etc. Her actions and her behaviors match up. She tells me the truth...even when i dont want to hear it. And it she is angry with me or if i offend her or hurt her feelings or whatever, she tells me. So since she is hnest with me about the negative, i can believe she is honest about the positive as well. When she says I love you, or i care about you, or whatever, i believe her also.