I am just wondering how important is the actual relationship with you and your t?
For some I imagine it is not as important as the healing that is done but I realise it is important to get along with your t so the healing can be done but for others the relationship is everything.
Even for some therapists the relationship is everything especially therapists who practise Client centered/person centered therapy.

For me the realtionship is important. I like to be able to be open with my t and tell her everything, at present I am learning to open up to her but if our relationship wasn't trustworthy I would not want to tell her everything.
My t is very kind and caring, she gives me a blanket when I am cold, makes me hot drinks, answers everything truthfully and sends the best emails that I love. These are the qualities I love about her and make me have a great relationship with her

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I am just wondering how important is the actual relationship with you and your t?
For some I imagine it is not as important as the healing that is done but I realise it is important to get along with your t so the healing can be done but for others the relationship is everything.
Even for some therapists the relationship is everything especially therapists who practise Client centered/person centered therapy.

For me the realtionship is important. I like to be able to be open with my t and tell her everything, at present I am learning to open up to her but if our relationship wasn't trustworthy I would not want to tell her everything.
My t is very kind and caring, she gives me a blanket when I am cold, makes me hot drinks, answers everything truthfully and sends the best emails that I love. These are the qualities I love about her and make me have a great relationship with her

For me, it changes. Sometimes it is really important to me (maybe too important in that I'm quite isolated socially) and other times it's not as important. When it's more important, I'm more focussed on having sessions and being in contact. When it's less important, I can go weeks without sessions.

For me, it's hard to tell which is actually how I feel. I'm ever conscious that it's a temporary relationship which makes me not want to make the relationship too important so I can save myself some heartache when I finish.

[EllieBear]

The relationship is very important to me, because it's through the realtionship that my healing has occured. I've heard that the best predictor of success in therapy is the relationship between the client and therapist. I know some will disagree with that, but for me it's been true.

Originally Posted by EllieBear

The relationship is very important to me, because it's through the realtionship that my healing has occured. I've heard that the best predictor of success in therapy is the relationship between the client and therapist. I know some will disagree with that, but for me it's been true.

Well I won't dissagree with you you here, the same is happening with my t and our relationship.

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

For me, it changes. Sometimes it is really important to me (maybe too important in that I'm quite isolated socially) and other times it's not as important. When it's more important, I'm more focussed on having sessions and being in contact. When it's less important, I can go weeks without sessions.

For me, it's hard to tell which is actually how I feel. I'm ever conscious that it's a temporary relationship which makes me not want to make the relationship too important so I can save myself some heartache when I finish.

Awhh, this is what makes getting involved with the relationship too hard. I think I would rather have no relationship with t, just a proffesional one.
I am sorry you feel so socially isolated when you are close to t
Do you think that your relationship with t has held you back from making real relationships in the real world?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I am just wondering how important is the actual relationship with you and your t?

Too important. Dangerously important.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Awhh, this is what makes getting involved with the relationship too hard. I think I would rather have no relationship with t, just a proffesional one.
I am sorry you feel so socially isolated when you are close to t
Do you think that your relationship with t has held you back from making real relationships in the real world?

Held me back? No. I was isolated before because of MH issues. I'm less isolated than before. I think having someone to talk to makes it easier to get out more actually, because you have someone to do that emotional talk with that you can just go out and have fun - no heavy stuff.

My T explained it to me like this when I said that I didn't want to depend on him. He said that if I allow myself to depend on him, that by depending, I'd actually become more independent and need him less.

I know this sounds COMPLETELY backwards, but as things have been going, I find that because I'm doing better, I do need him less than I have at other times.

I'm still really isolated socially, but it could still be worse than it is. I do get out some of the time, where as before, I'd NEVER go out. Change takes time though!

[precious things]

It's important in that handled by a T who is cold, too ultra professional, etc actually does me more damage because I too am so isolated and really need to have the interaction and ebb and flow of a relationship with a T. However, I don't need to feel like I am someone special or unique in there...just that we are in partnership. I think that is what I am really liking about my current T, we do feel like partners and there isn't this power thing where I am in my vulnerable state and T feels so removed, it feels like we are working as equals.

And because I am someone who painfully over analyzes every detail of my therapy sessions I do need to feel that I can respect and trust the judgment of the T I am working with...if they come off as insincere it will make me shut down and not trust them.

[rainboots87]

The two T's I grew quite attached to are the ones that helped me the most. The other T's (probably 8-10 of them) are all kind of a blur and usually haven't helped much, if at all, even when I worked with them for months. I don't remember most of their names and wouldn't recognize them if they walked right by me. I know I have gotten more attached than is probably healthy at times, but I need that level of trust and mutual respect for things to work. It helps me feel safe when challenged because I know there is compassion behind it, rather than feel threatened and ready to shut down or bolt out the door.

[1stepatatime]

For me it is very important. If I did not have a positive relationship with my T then it would be counter productive...therapy wouldn't work. I NEED to feel a connection with a person that I am looking up to for guidance and support. I can't relate to someone if a relationship is not established. I say this fully knowing that this is a unique relationship...it is not a friendship nor a romance. That is not to say there isn't transference...there is!

[stopdog]

I certainly expect the woman to have more knowledge about her profession than I do, just like with any other professional I hire. Any relationship I have with the therapist is not really any different to me than that I have with the accountant or dentist. I don't dislike them. I would not give my money to someone I just dead flat hated in terms of how they were. But I also do not just blindly turn myself over to any of them either. I am not certain I fully understand how a relationship with a therapist would be important or unimportant. Certainly I have to have some belief she is not completely incompetent.
But I also did not go to see a therapist because of problems with relationships as such. I was and am pretty much okay with my friends, partner, family, co-worker interactions.

[purplemystery]

My relationship with my therapist is of primary importance. In the past I've experienced transference with teachers, and I honestly came to therapy partly to find a parental figure to fill the void. I am well aware that this will hurt me down the line, but I am hoping that I will have enough emotionally-corrective experiences to offset this.

[sconnie892]

Since part of what I wanted to work on in therapy was relationships, I consider the relationship with t to be incredibly important.

I have been able to work on trust and sharing my feelings and that has begun to translate to my real life relationships as well.

[rainbow8]

The relationship with my T is very important to me. When I saw my first T I didn't even know we were going to have a relationship at all. I didn't understand therapy or transference. I was surprised when I started feeling attached to her.

I feel like I don't have a choice when I do therapy now. The relationship becomes very special and I think it shows there is love inside of me that is usually hiding but wants to come out and be free. It's a unique relationship and it "is what it is" to me. It is nothing at all like my relationship with my dentist or accountant.

The relationship with my T has been very important in my healing. So true what a unique type of relationship it is, nothing at all like those with other medical professionals like dentist, primary care doc, whatever. Sometimes it can feel very confusing, as unbalanced as it is, with her knowing every little thing about me and me getting to know precious little about her, at times I used to get downright annoyed by that fact. I used to wish that we could be friends. It took a good while for me to work past that wanting!! I've gotten to a place now where our relationship is what it is - although it has changed and evolved over time, it is still a safe and healing therapeutic relationship - and it's exactly what I need it to be. I see things in my reactions to other people out in the "real world" that I attribute directly to my t relationship.

[southpole]

Very important. It started out fairly detached (as someone else said, I didn't know I was going to have a relationship with her til it happened), then I felt scarily attached and very needy but unable to tell her, so I pushed her away (such strange contradictory behavior!). Now I feel attached but not so much like I have to hide it. That makes the attachment less scary.

Each session I feel closer to her now as a person rather than as a mental health professional who I can pay to fix me. I now know that I can fix myself, but that I need her help to get there. I too have the desire to be her friend, but I think I am also coming to realize that the T relationship is unique and special in itself, and it certainly has changed how I respond to people IRL (and I've only been going for about a year).

It was nice this week because she did something that made me realize that she cares about me and that in some way she is getting something out of the relationship too. That has allowed me to open up more.

[CantExplain]

I'm feeling really cynical about relationships right now. A relationship is just a tool, to be kept if it is useful and dropped if it isn't.

[HealingTimes]

For me, it's a crucial part of the process.

My T says that our relationship is reparative, and that in the context of therapy, she acts out the caring 'parent type' role and provides me with that nurture and 'love' that i never experienced as a child (which is the basis for my issues).

If i didnt like, trust, respect and love her, i could not allow her to try and heal me, and it works the other way around too.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'm feeling really cynical about relationships right now. A relationship is just a tool, to be kept if it is useful and dropped if it isn't.

This is true and I guess this is exactly how it is in therapy depending on how long t is willing to work with us.
I am begining to see the benefits of being honest in a relationship- which I learned from my relationship with t but not everyone else is in the same frame of mind as us which is probably why we lose some people along the way.

[tinyrabbit]

The relationship is extremely important to me. I can't just talk to any old person who happens to be in the room. I lasted one session with a counsellor at my uni counselling centre who expected me to just come in and talk, at the drop of a hat, without knowing or trusting her. She did me a lot of damage as she put me off therapy for years.

Luckily, I stumbled on (or was unconsciously drawn to) a T who is very interested and invested in the client-therapist relationship. I have attachment issues and I need someone who is an actual real human and not just a 'blank screen'. It's important to me that my T is willing to form a relationship with me rather than just saying "there, there" once in a while or, worse, saying nothing at all. The connection is really, really important, as is the fact that he's willing to learn about me and what makes me tick - and indeed what upsets me. Otherwise I may as well sit and talk to a stuffed toy.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I certainly expect the woman to have more knowledge about her profession than I do, just like with any other professional I hire. Any relationship I have with the therapist is not really any different to me than that I have with the accountant or dentist. I don't dislike them. I would not give my money to someone I just dead flat hated in terms of how they were. But I also do not just blindly turn myself over to any of them either. I am not certain I fully understand how a relationship with a therapist would be important or unimportant. Certainly I have to have some belief she is not completely incompetent.
But I also did not go to see a therapist because of problems with relationships as such. I was and am pretty much okay with my friends, partner, family, co-worker interactions.

I'm only interested in having a professional interactions w/ my t. I believe relations w/ t are dangerous b/c they're usually temporary. My t can best help me by just assisting me w/ MH needs. Even if we discussed relationships i still would not want one w/ my t.