[seventyeight]

lately, i've been really dreading going to therapy. like really dreading.

we changed my appointments around a little bit, and now i go for a "double" session, every other week (instead of every). i like it so much better, because i only have to deal with the pre-appointment anxiety and post-appointment separation-anxiety only twice a month. and i like having more time all at once, as it really helps me relax and get into something (whereas before, by the time i relaxed, it was almost over).

anyway, i think i'm getting used to the space away from therapy (and my therapist), that now when it's time for an appointment - i'm like . i'm going again tomorrow, and for the last few days i feel like i can't relax at all. and the times that i actually look forward to and WANT to go to therapy are few and far between lately.

does anyone else get this way?

[stopdog]

I always dread it. I have never had the experience of looking forward to it.

I sometimes throw up beforehand because I'm so anxious. Once I had to leave during the session to throw up.

I've dreaded going to t before. so bad that I had to keep running to the bathroom every time I'd try to leave. I was always glad after the fact that I made myself go, but it was not easy to make myself go sometimes. Now we just talk on the phone, and I get the same way sometimes. Like right now. I call her in an hour and I'm so afraid I'm going to start a stupid fight with her and I don't want to but I don't know if I'll be able to help myself. Pardon me while I run to the bathroom. Ugh.

[Freewilled]

I'm always very anxious before a session - to the point I avoid thinking about it and then when I'm in the therapy room it's like I can't come back to the present. It's soooo frustrating. Before my appt., I end up talking to people on the phone, busying myself in my work, always rushing, rushing, rushing to my appt. and fighting traffic, trying to eat, running some errand i have to squish in and then *just barely* making it there and not even being able to catch my breath in the waiting room before my T comes out to get me. By then I'm all keyed up, can't think straight, and so trying to avoid him and the whole therapy thing that I'm unable to be there in the moment.

My goal tomorrow is to get to the therapy building 15 minutes before my appointment and just BREATHE lol - I hate the thought of it cause im terrified, but my avoidance severely impacts my session and I have to try something /:

[Raging Quiet]

((((Hugs)))))

I can relate to your feeling of dread. I never sleep well and have to stand outside to catch my breath before I go in. I also have a non OCD ritual beforehand which helps.

Take care and all the best for tomorrow x

[tinyrabbit]

I always look forward to it until the day. Then I dread it.

[skeksi]

I went through a period where the whole day was essentially ruined by T. I was anxious to the point of being physically ill and couldn't concentrate on work. I worked myself into a frenzy. And then when it ended, I was upset about everything I had dredged up.

It got better, it really did. I wake up on therapy day now and smile.

Tell T about how much you dread it right now. Express it, share it...and it will get better.

[photostotake]

The days when I'm dreading therapy the most, have been my most productive sessions overall. Those are the days I seem to have the most to work on and T knows it within the first few minutes of the session each time.

[1stepatatime]

For me, it's not so much dreading but more like extreme anxiety...especially when I have emailed her some pretty heavy sh#* and I know we will have to discuss it....makes me so edgy! But once I get in there and settle into the comfy sofa I usually begin to relax...but hey, now that I think of it, is dreading and extreme anxiety pretty much the same thing?

[rainbow8]

I never dread T, but I'm always anxious before I go and during the first few minutes until I calm myself down or my T uses her methods to get me calm. I'm still anxious during my session and have to leave to use the bathroom at least once during the 90 minutes, sometimes more.

I never dread it, though. I like/love therapy too much for that!

Have you told your T about your feeling of dread? Maybe something is going on now that you see her less often, or maybe you're ready to stop seeing her. If I were you, I'd be honest and discuss it as an issue for you to figure out and work on in therapy.

[seventyeight]

thanks everyone

i went today. i planned on saying something about all this, but for some reason, i just didn't get to it. in fact, i totally forgot about it once i was there. not sure what that's about. i did finally put together that the medication i've been taking for the last year or so gives me a ton of anxiety (something i've not had before), and i guess i just didn't realize how prevalent it was in regards to going to therapy. i'm pretty much like ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod leading up to an appointment. so, that's probably where all this dread is coming in.

i'm not ready to be done with therapy (plus, i completely love and adore my therapist), but i've definitely had thoughts lately like i just don't want to go anymore. i think it's partially because i don't feel like i'm seeing "big" results from the work i'm doing. it seems like i go, i share things (some deeply private), i reflect/infer things - but then not a whole heck of a lot changes in my life. i know i feel better once i know that she knows everything happening with me, but it feels like there's not much more to it than that. plus, i'm like super duper awkward with hugging her lately - which isn't helping me feel comfortable being there.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I went in and snarled at T and at myself for an hour.

Now i am **really** dreading going back.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I went in and snarled at T and at myself for an hour.

Now i am **really** dreading going back.

and now I think about cancelling - this week, next week, and the next.
this has never happened to me before. It's scary to me.