[content30]

So, I wrote a post on here a week and a half ago about going onto T’s turf, and many of you responded: thank you! I also responded to a post on here about Myer’s-Briggs that I am an extrovert (and most who responded are introverts). So, I know that your interaction with people is probably different than mine in general. However, how would you interact with T in T’s natural habitat/on T’s turf? [Just stop reading here, if you don't want to read all the details...]

As I stated in my previous post, I did attend the event (an author T and I love spoke at a venue she frequents) and saw my T there. I smiled and waved, and she smiled and waved back. When I saw T for my appointment last night, she mentioned the author and asked me how I liked the event. I told her that I loved it. Then, she said, “You know, Content, you don’t have to avoid me if you see me at things like that. I’m not going to talk to you or acknowledge you unless you talk to me or acknowledge me, but you can talk to me. You don’t have to stay away from me or avoid me. I saw another client at [x place] before, and she talked to me. That is perfectly fine.” I told her that I was just trying to be very respectful of her boundaries and her family’s boundaries (she was sitting with her family). I said that I didn’t really know what I would have done…walked up to you guys and said, “Hi, I’m one of the crazy people that your mom/wife gets paid to talk to on a regular basis—I probably bought that outfit for you! She is super awesome! Anyway, have a nice night!” She said, “You’re not crazy! Lots of people go to counseling. You know that I went to counseling and that is why I became a T!” I said, “I know that…you know me…I’m just joking/kidding/saying that to get a rise out of you!” That is how the convo ended. Truth-be-told, I would have loved to have gone up to T and talked to T and met her family, but I didn’t know it was kosher. If T was my friend or acquaintance or coworker, etc. and not my T and I saw her there, I would have gone up to her, hugged her, introduced myself to her family, and talked to each and every one of them—like I said, I’m an extrovert. I saw someone else there I knew that I hadn’t seen in 9 years, and I hugged her and chatted with her. However, I don’t know how to specifically handle this relationship. I don’t even know if this will ever happen again, but I just wonder how chatty I should have been…even though I’d love to chat it up! Hmmm…what do you guys think? I almost got the vibe that she was a little bummed that I didn’t chat with her there….

[Perna]

It's probably not kosher until you are invited; your T invited you so in the future, if you are in the mood, you can go talk to her for a bit.

I think a lot of our interactions are based on how we are raised. I still remember when my husband and stepson were going to just show up in another state at someone's house, a good/family friend but an older man, a priest, and give no warning, just show up. I was horrified and said they had to call first, make sure it was okay to come over. People have different ideas of how it should be and it can be a good idea to go with the most conservative at first, until you know it's okay to do it the way you would like.

When I was growing up, it was funny; my friends would come over and my stepmother would almost have to force them to go in our refrigerator and get themselves a drink, etc. whereas I'd go to their house, especially if I went for dinner, and there were very strict rules as to who could eat what, when, and no one was allowed in the refrigerator except the mother, etc. My stepmother would invite hordes of people over for dinner on the spur of the moment but my friends' mothers dinners always had exactly 1 serving of meat for each person, etc., "sharing" was strictly a planned affair.

[content30]

Originally Posted by Perna

It's probably not kosher until you are invited; your T invited you so in the future, if you are in the mood, you can go talk to her for a bit.

I think a lot of our interactions are based on how we are raised. I still remember when my husband and stepson were going to just show up in another state at someone's house, a good/family friend but an older man, a priest, and give no warning, just show up. I was horrified and said they had to call first, make sure it was okay to come over. People have different ideas of how it should be and it can be a good idea to go with the most conservative at first, until you know it's okay to do it the way you would like.

When I was growing up, it was funny; my friends would come over and my stepmother would almost have to force them to go in our refrigerator and get themselves a drink, etc. whereas I'd go to their house, especially if I went for dinner, and there were very strict rules as to who could eat what, when, and no one was allowed in the refrigerator except the mother, etc. My stepmother would invite hordes of people over for dinner on the spur of the moment but my friends' mothers dinners always had exactly 1 serving of meat for each person, etc., "sharing" was strictly a planned affair.

Very true...I will definitely talk to her in the future, if this ever happens again. I just have no point-of-reference for a T relationship in public. My family sounds like yours: call ahead, help yourself, the more the merrier...

[WikidPissah]

I saw my PDOC in a hardware store. Interesting, I was in there to buy a new blade for my xacto knife, but anyways... He said "Hey Wiki, how are you?" I was mortified. He walked down the aisle along side of me, chatting away. I finally said "I need to go over there, catch you later" and split. Freaked me out totally, and he and I never talked about it.

I guess if I saw a t I would ditch because I hate feeling uncomfortable, even though I am quite adept at playing the extrovert. (I am really introverted)

[content30]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I saw my PDOC in a hardware store. Interesting, I was in there to buy a new blade for my xacto knife, but anyways... He said "Hey Wiki, how are you?" I was mortified. He walked down the aisle along side of me, chatting away. I finally said "I need to go over there, catch you later" and split. Freaked me out totally, and he and I never talked about it.

I guess if I saw a t I would ditch because I hate feeling uncomfortable, even though I am quite adept at playing the extrovert. (I am really introverted)

Interesting...sorry you were freaked! It seems like many feel that way. For whatever reason, it doesn't freak me out. I guess I'm always worried about acting appropriately. It's like, how can I be friendly, not rude, and not boundary cross at the same time?

Interesting you play an extrovert...I call myself an extrovert and mostly am, but, sometimes, I force myself to be more outgoing when I'd rather not talk. I'm also the type if extrovert that is ok staying in and having quiet nights of nothing. When I was depressed, though, I felt like a complete introvert and played an extrovert....

[WikidPissah]

Politician's daughter. I know how to act warm and friendly, but I have always preferred to be alone or with my H.

[content30]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Politician's daughter. I know how to act warm and friendly, but I have always preferred to be alone or with my H.

Oh, wow...makes total sense!

[stopdog]

Outside of the appointment, I would not go up to a therapist or want to meet their family. I would not want them to meet my partner/family either. But I probably would not go up to a client, student, co-worker or acquaintance either - although unlike with a therapist, I would probably say hello or wave if our eyes met or something.
But if the therapist has indicated it is okay and the client wants to, I don't see it as a problem for them.

[Sometimes psychotic]

I ran into my T in the convenience store, we actually worked at the same university at that time so I ran into her a couple of times and also my pdoc once. All I said was Hi and that was all they said too. The APA (the pdoc one) has rules about even disclosing that you are a patient but you can self-disclose if you want. So basically they are going to follow your lead but not really initiate anything for that reason, it would be hard if someone asked how you knew each other or something like that because they couldn't really answer, I mean if they didn't answer then everyone would know anyway. So next time go for it but keep in mind you might be self-disclosing just by having the conversation.

[content30]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Outside of the appointment, I would not go up to a therapist or want to meet their family. I would not want them to meet my partner/family either. But I probably would not go up to a client, student, co-worker or acquaintance either - although unlike with a therapist, I would probably say hello or wave if our eyes met or something.
But if the therapist has indicated it is okay and the client wants to, I don't see it as a problem for them.

I felt this way about my two former therapists...no desire whatsoever to acknowledge them, but our paths never crossed....

[content30]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I ran into my T in the convenience store, we actually worked at the same university at that time so I ran into her a couple of times and also my pdoc once. All I said was Hi and that was all they said too. The APA (the pdoc one) has rules about even disclosing that you are a patient but you can self-disclose if you want. So basically they are going to follow your lead but not really initiate anything for that reason, it would be hard if someone asked how you knew each other or something like that because they couldn't really answer, I mean if they didn't answer then everyone would know anyway. So next time go for it but keep in mind you might be self-disclosing just by having the conversation.

Thanks! Yeah, I'm not concerned about someone overhearing that I go to counseling. I'm pretty open about it (except with my co-workers and bosses).

[critterlady]

And here I always thought that his office is my T's natural habitat. The real world is unnatural. At least it feels unnatural to see him anywhere other than his office.

[anilam]

I'm an extrovert too, would talk to virtually anybody but not to my T. What we should be talking about- the weather? IDK, it would just not feel natural to me to come up to my T and have a "normal discussion"- without all the me-me-me stuff.
So no way I would choose to interact with him - on the few (2 actually) occasions I've met him outside his office I smiled, said hi and went away.
However, if you wouldn't mind all this, would even like to and your T says it's OK then go for it

[pachyderm]

T = "it".

My t is out of the country,so i went to visit her last october. We had a great time. We went grocery shopping, went to the beach, went to the park,went hiking, went shopping,, ate meals together.
None of this was weird to me. Hanging out with my t is just a normal thing. We had serious talked, we joked around, we laughed like crazy, we cried, etc ec.
It might help that i am married to a therapist, so i already realized that t is just a plain human being with no special powers, she is just a person.

[stopdog]

For me, it is not that the therapist is not just another human. I have dated people who were therapists. But it is like I would be with any other professional acquaintance. I would not (there is nothing wrong in my opinion if a person chooses to do so - just I would not) go up to the dentist or the accountant or anyone else I did not know in a social setting. I prefer clients and students not come over to me in non- work related social situations usually.

[content30]

Originally Posted by critterlady

And here I always thought that his office is my T's natural habitat. The real world is unnatural. At least it feels unnatural to see him anywhere other than his office.

Ha! Very true! I kinda said that to be funny...like we are used to seeing our Ts caged like zoo animals...but it's weird to interact with them "in the wild."

[content30]

Originally Posted by anilam

I'm an extrovert too, would talk to virtually anybody but not to my T. What we should be talking about- the weather? IDK, it would just not feel natural to me to come up to my T and have a "normal discussion"- without all the me-me-me stuff.
So no way I would choose to interact with him - on the few (2 actually) occasions I've met him outside his office I smiled, said hi and went away.
However, if you wouldn't mind all this, would even like to and your T says it's OK then go for it

Exactly! I guess in this instance, I could have talked about the author we were hearing speak!

[content30]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

T = "it".

Ha! Glad you found "it" humorous too!

[content30]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My t is out of the country,so i went to visit her last october. We had a great time. We went grocery shopping, went to the beach, went to the park,went hiking, went shopping,, ate meals together.
None of this was weird to me. Hanging out with my t is just a normal thing. We had serious talked, we joked around, we laughed like crazy, we cried, etc ec.
It might help that i am married to a therapist, so i already realized that t is just a plain human being with no special powers, she is just a person.

From your posts I've read, I can tell you and your T have a very unique relationship!

[content30]

Originally Posted by stopdog

For me, it is not that the therapist is not just another human. I have dated people who were therapists. But it is like I would be with any other professional acquaintance. I would not (there is nothing wrong in my opinion if a person chooses to do so - just I would not) go up to the dentist or the accountant or anyone else I did not know in a social setting. I prefer clients and students not come over to me in non- work related social situations usually.

My nature is to want to go up to them, but I worry that, like you, they may not want me to go up to them. So, I want to be respectful if that. I guess my T wanted me to say something? I still think it was a funny discussion she had with me, as I think it was a one-off type if thing....

[stopdog]

I think if the therapist said it was okay to come over to her, then it would be okay. Some people like it, some don't mind and some would prefer not. I think it is good you and the therapist had the conversation.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

T = "it".

lol