[sugahorse1]

I think I really just had a horrible session today which went round in circles. I don't really know what to write or what support I'm looking for on here.

I just am tired of having such childlike needs when I am an adult. Tired of just not finding that happy place.
I think my issues are trivial.
That I'm not "worthy" of being in therapy.
I just want to feel cared for
Yes, my parents weren't there for me emotionally and I now crave touch and attention
I get attached to people too quickly. And then get hurt.
I feel like I'm crying for attention in therapy and don't like coming across as that. Outside of therapy I wear my mask and I'm fine. I sometimes think I should just leave it like that

[HealingTimes]

Sorry you are going through this, Sugahorse.
You do 'deserve' therapy, i hope you are able to feel that soon. Sending you a hug ((HUG)).

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I think I really just had a horrible session today which went round in circles. I don't really know what to write or what support I'm looking for on here.

I just am tired of having such childlike needs when I am an adult. Tired of just not finding that happy place.

That I'm not "worthy" of being in therapy.
I just want to feel cared for

I definitely understand these points. Can you tell your therapist how you are feeling?

[Lily5473]

You just answered your own question. You do have issues. All of those things you mentioned are good, valid reasons to be in therapy. Heck, there are studies that show even when healthy, well adjusted, pro active people attend therapy, it's beneficial to them. You know why you are in therapy, that's the first step. Therapy isn't easy or always fun. And yes, like most things in life you're gonna have roadblocks. Its important that you discuss these matters with your T, don't hold back. It's gonna help your T alot and once its out in the open, you'll have a clear view of what you're working towards. Best of luck.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

Outside of therapy I wear my mask and I'm fine.

"Fine" perhaps, but not happy and not cared for. You deserve more than "fine".

[sugahorse1]

I did end up talking to my T about these thoughts and feelings. She said she was sad I felt this way.
That we were always getting into the real stuff and real feelings, and then I close up because I'm embarrassed

Well done, sugahorse. Talking to T about therapy itself and the feelings around it can be really hard.

[Favorite Jeans]

I can totally identify with feeling embarrassed about having such childlike needs as an adult. Sometimes in therapy, well okay--often in therapy, I feel like there's a bottomless sinkhole of need at my very core. It really does suck. I hate it. My T always tries to normalize it and make it seem like a totally understandable feeling but I haven't really accepted it yet. I still hate it. I don't have any words of wisdom. It sounds like you get, in theory anyway, why you feel that way but still don't feel okay about it. I know. I'm tired of it too.

[tinyrabbit]

I think society makes us believe our emotional needs are somehow less important. I have these worries too, but then I go to the osteopath for my back, and he asks if it hurts, and I just tell him if it hurts, and how much. I don't worry about whether I'm wasting his time because other people's backs hurt more. But somehow we get this message that, with our emotions, they matter less.

Everyone is worthy of being in therapy if they want to be. It really is that simple. There's no qualifying criteria, no requirement to have experienced x or y.

And if your parents weren't there for you emotionally, well, I'm not surprised you feel like your T shouldn't be either. When we are treated in a certain way, we end up feeling like it's true. If our parents treat us like we're worthless, we think it means we actually are worthless. Deep inside, you don't feel worthy of the emotional attention you didn't get, so you don't think your T should give it to you either.

That's not the truth. That's neglect talking, neglect and the wounds it leaves. It's okay to have needs and it's okay to go to therapy.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks everyone.
I needed a bit of reassurance. I don't want to be seen as crying for attention or being weak. Or finding issues that don't exist. Or maybe they do?

[tinyrabbit]

Maybe they do. Maybe if you're "crying for attention", it's because you need some. Maybe if you're "weak", it's because you need someone to help you be stronger. Maybe these aren't such terrible things to do, or be, as they are when you say them.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

Outside of therapy I wear my mask and I'm fine.

Wearing a mask is what I would say was "settling". I'd be in therapy to be able to ditch the mask/armor. You remember how it was under Darth Vader's mask? The mask rubs and there are skin sores, etc. because the face needs air and light and to be "itself". So, your efforts to take the mask off in therapy are initially going to show stuff that isn't how it will end up when your beautiful, healthy face is showing like it should.

[Favorite Jeans]

Hey tinyrabbit that was really lovely and helpful. I like your osteopath analogy. In fact I have the day off and was planning to book a massage. I feel like its a bit decadent, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I feel like I'm unworthy of it because other people have more pain and less means. I don't love that my neck aches but I'm not ashamed of it either. I doubt that I'll walk out of there feeling sad that I had to go at all.
Thank you.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Hey tinyrabbit that was really lovely and helpful. I like your osteopath analogy. In fact I have the day off and was planning to book a massage. I feel like its a bit decadent, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I feel like I'm unworthy of it because other people have more pain and less means. I don't love that my neck aches but I'm not ashamed of it either. I doubt that I'll walk out of there feeling sad that I had to go at all.
Thank you.

Glad it helped. It struck me because I've been seeing an osteopath recently for some back pain and, each appointment, he asks me to rate my pain and discomfort in various areas out of 10. And I only ever worry about my 1 out of 10, or 5 out of 10, or whatever, not what anybody else's might be.

Going to therapy is the same. Except it's so much more important.

[butterfly star]

i know how you feel. i feel like i make up reasons not to go to therapy and never stick w anyone, but i know i could benefit from therapy. it sucks, i just had an intake appt and canceled for a fake reason...now i want to call and try again but i know they'll think i'm crazy and always changin my mind.

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I think society makes us believe our emotional needs are somehow less important. I have these worries too, but then I go to the osteopath for my back, and he asks if it hurts, and I just tell him if it hurts, and how much. I don't worry about whether I'm wasting his time because other people's backs hurt more. But somehow we get this message that, with our emotions, they matter less.

Everyone is worthy of being in therapy if they want to be. It really is that simple. There's no qualifying criteria, no requirement to have experienced x or y.

And if your parents weren't there for you emotionally, well, I'm not surprised you feel like your T shouldn't be either. When we are treated in a certain way, we end up feeling like it's true. If our parents treat us like we're worthless, we think it means we actually are worthless. Deep inside, you don't feel worthy of the emotional attention you didn't get, so you don't think your T should give it to you either.

That's not the truth. That's neglect talking, neglect and the wounds it leaves. It's okay to have needs and it's okay to go to therapy.

Tiny, I found this hugely helpful. Thank you.

Another reason I'm contemplating quitting is because the abuse I suffered wasn't worse than it was and I know other people had it worse!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

Another reason I'm contemplating quitting is because the abuse I suffered wasn't worse than it was and I know other people had it worse!

You pain is important even if others suffered worse.

[murray]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

Tiny, I found this hugely helpful. Thank you.

Another reason I'm contemplating quitting is because the abuse I suffered wasn't worse than it was and I know other people had it worse!

This is something that I struggle with as well.

[tinyrabbit]

Please read the quote in my signature.

[sugahorse1]

You guys are so great!