Since starting therapy a little over two years ago I have gradually began to feel loved, valued and appreciated.
I have never felt this or anything remotely like it in real life, I am starting to feel comfortable with myself, I still have days where I hate myself but now I don't think in black and white and can recognise that I am just having an off day and these feelings will pass.
I am wondering if any of you felt like this before, do you think it was your therapy and did your self acceptance continue after therapy?
Before therapy I couldn't bare to look at myself and if anyone talked to me I wondered why would they bother. Now I start conversations first.

[MASIMO]

After five years, I have finally gone from Victim to Survivor in seemingly one breakthrough session. I know it has taken more than that, but it feels like it happened quickly and my mind is swimming with the idea that I can escape and that there is hope.
Yes, therapy has done this for me. My T and I have been working hard.

[Shiny Things]

Boy, oh boy, has my therapy helped me. It has helped me establish some well-needed boundaries with my family and friends. It has also brought me a whole host of new problems with said family and friends b/c some of those peeps can't push me around as much and they don't seem to like it as much. But I like me more, so there.

[refika]

Therapy has DEFINITELY helped me and it's only been 5 months. I've learned to cope with my feelings and emotions better, and NOT take on other people's emotions.

A perfect example happened just a few hours ago. My roommate was looking for some chocolate that we had in the house. My H who visited a week ago ate up all the chocolate and didn't tell anyone. When my roommate looked for the chocolate today, I mentioned "H must have ate it all up". My roommate got REALLY really mad and started cursing out my H. I agreed with my roommate, and accepted her anger. Then I started to feel bad because she was angry and that was making ME angry at H and guilty for my roommate.

Then I remembered what my T said, my roommate's emotions are hers and hers alone, and I am not responsible for them. I kept telling myself over and over that it's my roommates anger, not mine, don't let it affect me, and that worked. Before T, that would have ruined my day and I would have been feeling guilty and horrible all day. Now, I moved past it.

So yes, T helped me tremendously.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I am wondering if any of you felt like this before, do you think it was your therapy and did your self acceptance continue after therapy?

Yes I had 6 months of CBT about a year ago and it has continued out beyond therapy I'm much happier now. I kind of wish I could go back to the same T for a 1 month refresher though because I've forgotten many of the concepts but I don't really have the same negative thoughts about myself that I used to have.

[rainbow8]

I've had many years of therapy. I think the way it helped me most was to get me out of my shell and to realize that I could talk to people about my feelings.

I used to label people and say "I'm not one of them" so I'm inferior. Through the years, I think therapy helped me to realize that we are all different, and I can be myself. I don't have to be ashamed because I don't "fit the mold".

I never understand why I developed these huge crushes on people throughout my life. Now I don't totally understand but I am more aware of what brought me to the place I'm at now.

I thought I was alone with having "selective mutism". I never knew what it was and never would talk about it. I actually "discovered" it myself, but then I confided in my Ts through the years and they helped me not feel like a freak.

I never talked about some of my experiences with my brother that may have been abusive. Therapy has helped me realize that what he did wasn't okay.

My current T taught me meditation and mindfulness, which have helped me greatly. She's encouraged me to paint again, something I thought I'd left behind me forever. She made me realize what some little parts have been missing, and she's the first T who accepted my talking about the love the parts have for her. She hugs me, and that has gotten me to seek out and receive hugs in my real life.

There's a lot more. Thanks for this thread; it's helped me to focus on some of the positives that I tend to overlook.

Therapy has moved me to life BEYOND my abuse and has helped me delegate the past to its rightful place -- the past.

I have gained more confidence and a stronger ability to advocate for myself.

I have developed skills for handling my illness, my stressors, my life.

I still a work in progress though.

[WikidPissah]

Therapy has helped me make certain changes in my life for the better. I have learned some valuable things about myself as well.

Wow, I love that therapy can be so positive and Really help people with so many different aspects of their life.
I think a lot of it is dependent on the relationship between the t and us, would you agree?
Shiny things- boy do I relate to the boundaries. The freedom it gives us but also the relationships it takes away too.
Masimo, I am glad therapy helped you to become a survivor, what empowerment and courage it brings

In the past two years with my t,i have become such a better person.i used to be shy, withdrawn, felt unworthy, hated myself, etc. eyecontact and talking to the public was soooo hard. I was severly anorexic, and cut every day.
Now iam outgoing, i reach outto people. I easily have conversations. I love to talk to people now. I am able to focus on others and not all myself. I dont worry what people think anymore.i like myself .its rare that i cut or do any eating disordered behaviors.iam a healthy weight. I feel good about life.

Monalisasmile (your new name suits you), my therapy has healed me, and the process has to continue with me progressing my emotional-self on my own. And, if therapy truly worked for me then I won't need the deep painful therapy that I had to slosh threw before. I owe my life to therapy.

We will always be a work in progress. That's one of he beauties of life.

[Asiablue]

For the most part, i'm not as filled with shame about myself anymore. I accept myself a bit better. It has helped me see why things happened the way they did as a child. It has helped me feel ok about admitting the effect my upbringing had on me. It's helped me understand people better and be more accepting of others.

Therapy has helped me hugely!!! I've worked very hard in the past year and a half with current t and made some great changes - I got a new job that I love, set much-needed boundaries with my FOO, I don't stare at the floor when forced to mingle with groups of people anymore (and it doesn't feel forced either, I enjoy it now!), I actually smile and make eye contact and talk to people now even to people I don't know, I became a training assistant at new job already, overall am so much more a "doer" than i ever have been before in my life. I used to live all up in my head all the time. Not anymore. I live fully in my body now. A year and a half ago when I first spoke with t, I had no IDEA I would make this much progress. It's incredible the difference therapy has made in my life.

[Moodswing]

Reflections of the things I have learned and still need to learn in Therapy

The only way to heal some of the losses is to mourn them but what are my losses that I needed to heal?

· Loss of feeling special and cherished

Every child has a right when very young to feel like they are incredibly important and special and cherished. That the universe DOES revolve around them. That someone is totally focused on them and their needs and meeting them. This loss is so tangible to me and I see it as a dark hole that is all consuming. Therapy is as closest I have ever come to feeling that I am the most important thing at that moment in time and the relationship is focused solely on my needs.

· Loss of Protection

Still do not have faith or trust in anyone to protect me from real or perceived threats. My guards are always up and I have a hard time seeing past that to actually see and feel for the person in front of me. If I can not let my guards down with you then how can I do that out in the world? You need to still help me with that.

Loss of Peace
Living in fear. I had/have so much fear in therapy. Fear T would abandon me, fear T would realize how terrible I really was, fear I was too needy, fear I said too much, fear I didn’t say enough, fear of my attachment to T. No matter what I was doing, or feeling, or experiencing, it happened in fear. Fear is sprinkled in everything I do, breathe and eat. Every decision in my life was based on some kind of fear. If I had not experienced that level of fear, what would those decisions had been? How differently would my life have turned out if I had NOT been scared? So I grieved for what might have been.


Healing is possible.

Healing happens so slowly that it is only in looking back over long distances can I see how far I have come.

My feelings aren’t always a good indicator of reality. I needed to learn to put some room between my feelings and myself so I could perceive what was really going on instead of what I believed is going on.

All of me is acceptable, some of it’s not so pretty, some of it I don’t like, but it’s all human.(I understand this but I still can not feel it)

There was nothing inherently wrong with me, I just didn’t get what I needed and endured things I shouldn’t have had to. (Nope.... still not feeling this one)

Healing is not reaching a place of perfect peace and safety. It is knowing that you can remain safe and be at peace no matter what you run into. That you’ll come out the other side and still be ok.

A surprisingly large part of dealing with the difficulties of life is knowing you can.

Reaching out to another person when you need help is a sign of strength not a weakness. (Still not sure about this one)

Other people’s boundaries are just that, theirs, and say more about them than they do about me.

I need to be as patient, accepting and gentle of my own shortcomings as of other people. I need to be patient, accepting and gentle of other people’s shortcomings.(Have not learned this fully but I have more patients)

I don’t need to know what’s over the next hill before going over it. I can trust in my ability to handle whatever it is.( I need to believe I have abilities that can be trusted)

For reasons beyond my understanding, having someone witnesses your pain and stay with you through it is incredibly powerful and healing. Going through your own pain teaches you to stay with others through their pain.

[franki_j]

In terms of tangible things, I have lost 20 pounds and am not addicted to the ADHD pills I used to take and was illegally buying when I first started T. Along with the weight loss comes the fact that I do not binge anymore or set unrealistic body/calorie expectations for myself. I am able to look in the mirror and not feel disgusting and not hate what I see. I eat very healthy and I know my body.

In terms of things that are more long-term and that I am still working on, I think that working with T allows me to see that my negative self-image and pessimistic attitude can be really harmful to me. However, being able to see this and actually working to change it are two different things and are going to take awhile, although I have started actively working on it. Last session, I also consciously realized that I do not take people at their word and do not trust them when they tell me something. This is something I do with my T all the time, but last session I realized I had done it to someone else in my life.

I also think my relationship with my dad has improved, in terms of me accepting that he was not exactly a great father when I was growing up (my T says he was abusive, but I am not willing to go that far.) Realizing this has allowed me to recognize why I felt so much dislike for him, even after he changed. When I recognized why I was not nice to him even after he changed so much, it allowed me to build a better relationship with him.

When I first started seeing my T, I was very lonely. I wanted to leave NYC as soon as possible, but the fact that I had formed this connection with someone who supported me and was there for me made me terrified to leave the city so soon, because I had found someone who I felt could be there for me. So I stayed, and I am glad I did, because I was able to form connections and make friends and build a network that started with my T. It made me realize the importance of having someone be there that you could trust. It was something I had always denied needing, until I started seeing T and I realized I did need connections and people in my life; I needed their support.

In addition, once I came off the pills, I realized that getting my PhD in an abstract, highly theoretical subject was not something I wanted to do. I felt that if I needed to take drugs in order to enjoy my work I needed to find something better to do. Almost on a whim and inspired by my T, I took an Intro to Psych class, and then a Brain and Behavior class. Next semester I will be taking Stats to prepare me for lab work. I look up to my T so much and would like to do what she does some day. So I guess working with T has helped me realize my own career goals.

She also helps get me through day to day and week to week hardships; for example, while looking for a job this past summer, I don't know if I would have been able to continue without her support and encouragement. Additionally, there have been many times during my current job when I have wanted to quit, and thanks to my T, I have not, because I know that quitting would not be in my best interests.

She has changed my life in so many ways, more than I realized a single person ever could.

[stopdog]

I still do not see how what the books say matches up with the actual appointments. I have no idea what that woman is doing or what I am supposed to be doing. The woman has said it is going along - but I have no idea if it is or not.

[Anne2.0]

MLS, the way you've phrased the question is very interesting. My mind boggles at the possibility that someone would spend the time, money, and energy on therapy and not benefit from it.

I remember when I saw my first T, about 20 years ago. I told him that I didn't really believe in therapy. He said, me either. That was someone that I could work with, at that time. I think if I told that to my current T, he would LOL and tell me that he knew what I meant.

Therapy is a little like religion to me, you can have faith in it, and/or you can try it out and see if it works for you. There aren't any objective standards-- others may see changes in you that they either like or don't like--but they have their biases and misjudgments. To me the test is whether or not I am happier with myself and my relationships when I am in therapy. Now the answer to this is "yes".

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

Monalisasmile (your new name suits you), my therapy has healed me, and the process has to continue with me progressing my emotional-self on my own. And, if therapy truly worked for me then I won't need the deep painful therapy that I had to slosh threw before. I owe my life to therapy.

We will always be a work in progress. That's one of he beauties of life.

Thank you GTGT. I agree we are a work in progress and will be until we draw our last breaths.

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Therapy has helped me hugely!!! I've worked very hard in the past year and a half with current t and made some great changes - I got a new job that I love, set much-needed boundaries with my FOO, I don't stare at the floor when forced to mingle with groups of people anymore (and it doesn't feel forced either, I enjoy it now!), I actually smile and make eye contact and talk to people now even to people I don't know, I became a training assistant at new job already, overall am so much more a "doer" than i ever have been before in my life. I used to live all up in my head all the time. Not anymore. I live fully in my body now. A year and a half ago when I first spoke with t, I had no IDEA I would make this much progress. It's incredible the difference therapy has made in my life.

Yes, yes, I get the being able to make eye contact with people and staring at the floor at parties. It sucks. I still have trouble looking into peoples eyes because it feels to intimate to me and also because sometimes I feel as though I am not worth talking with so I try to avoid eye contact.

[content30]

My life has changed dramatically in the past 1.5 years. "Therapy" has changed me, but, more specifically, Mrs. T has helped me immensely. I went from not wanting to live to thriving. I set appropriate boundaries, changed jobs, applied for and am going back to school, lost 20 lbs. and still losing, and drastically changed my attitude and habits. Before, I was so depressed that I couldn't even open my mail or clean a dish. Now my finances and home are perfectly neat and in order.

T helped validate and work through my feelings about my childhood (patents' divorce, remarriage, stepparent issues, etc.). T helped me work through guilt on things I'd done and helped me change things I needed to change. Basically the wisdom, acceptance, and counsel of someone not a friend or relative was immensely helpful. Also, I trust her immensely as we have the same worldview as far as values and religion are concerned.

If I had to sum it up, I'd say that T helped me to live the serenity prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I really don't know what I'd have done without her. I really don't need to see her very often any more. That makes me sad because I like seeing her but happy because I don't need to see her.

[The_little_didgee]

I was misdiagnosed (and knew it). This caused any therapist or psychiatrist who tried to work with me to make assumptions, all based on the misdiagnosis. I would tell them their assumptions were wrong, but they refused to listen. Eventually, I left psychiatry for 14 years and therapy for 6, out of frustration.

Last year, I was properly diagnosed. After that, I felt much more willing to discuss my feelings and experiences. This has allowed me to form a therapeutic relationship with my psychiatrist, something a misdiagnosis prevented. Now, I am actually responding to therapy and learning so much about myself.

Being listened to and respected makes a big difference.

People have noticed a positive change. One family friend said, "You have found inner peace".

[1stepatatime]

I just started my therapy in January of this year. All I can say at this point is I need to go. I feel attached to my T and am very aware of the boundaries. I don't really know for sure if it has helped me significantly at this point. One thing I realize is that going is comforting. I suppose it is no coincidence that I feel some comfort because now that I am no longer in a relationship with my ex I am filling that void ( in a much different way) during my sessions. When I think about that...honestly I think it is f***** up!! I am more self aware so I suppose that is helpful. It is my hope that one day I will be able to say ( like so many of you have in this thread) "yes,I am feeling so much better and my therapy is helping me".