[healed84]

***************talk of Rape and CSA***********************




T and I had a really great session yesterday. I really feel like we click, I can talk about most things with him, the sessions just go smoothly. Thanks to that, we really have been doing a lot of work with trauma and I was even able to open up enough to talk about some other incidents in my life that I find even more horrifying then the rape.. So, needless to say... I walk away from my last couple of appointments wrecked emotionally. Which is kind of a good thing, b/c I have been so detached from emotions when it comes to the traumatic events in my life.

However, I am finding I don't know how to cope with it all. Which is leaving me even more distressed and wanting to reach out to t, but I am not sure what to say. This morning, I had the huge wave of emotion hit me.. I was thinking about one incident and it occurred to me.. How in the hell could anybody do that to a kid, and omg it happened to me!!!! This put me in tears, in the car, with my daughter, two minutes away from work parking lot. For the rest of the morning, I spent staring off into space with my boss asking me if I was ok .. I don't know what to do with these feelings.. I just want T!!!!

So, how do I go from week to week, feeling these emotions and not having t around to help? What do I do to process all of this stuff???

[granite1]

how horrible to have had this happen to you healed. does your T allow you to e-mail or to call him when you are feeling this way. i wonder if talking to him a small amount or just hearing his voice could help ground you

[BonnieJean]

It is so hard when things get churned up and start to flow. The only way to healing is to work through this, unfortunately. I'm sorry you are feeling all this right nowShare here when ever it helps. You know people here can relate. I wish there was an easy answer. You're doing the hard work.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by granite1

how horrible to have had this happen to you healed. does your T allow you to e-mail or to call him when you are feeling this way. i wonder if talking to him a small amount or just hearing his voice could help ground you

I can both call and e-mail... I used to call a lot when my anxiety was at its worst, and he did help me calm down. I try to keep it to I really really need to talk to him basis.. I can also e-mail, but as he put it.. We need to keep it to an information exchange and not bring therapy into email.... Soooo.. I will hold on for another day and if things get bad I can always e-mail and tell him what is going on. I see him on Wednesday..

[granite1]

maybe give him a call. these are big things you are dealing with maybe you could see him 2x a week for a bit so you don't have to sit on these feelings all week

[trdleblue]

Healed - I am sorry that it is so hard for you right now. I know when I first shared my past with my t, I thought that I would feel a sense of instant relief. That did not happen. Instead I had a similar response to you. It was very difficult for me for the next couple of weeks (perhaps longer.) I had moments when intense emotions just came rushing through me. It did get better though, and it got to the point where I did feel a bit of relief that someone else knew about it. The same thing happened to me when I first shared my past with the group that I joined. That is starting to get better as well. I'm not good at reaching out, and I didn't the first time that I told my t. When I first joined the group though, I did manage to tell my t that I was having a hard time. I think that it really did help things. For a brief period I did start to go to t twice a week, and I do think that it helped to stabilize me. I guess this is my long winded way to say that if you are able to, this is probably the exact time that you should be reaching out. There is nothing wrong with doing so.

Oh my! I just had a student drop in with a beautiful arrangement of flowers for me. She said she just wanted to wish me a belated happy birthday and show her appreciation for me. So sweet! I almost cried.

I had a very nice session with T yesterday. He was so happy to see ME happy and doing things "right" for myself. He also had really positive things to say about my son and his progress. It was so nice to hear him say that my son will be okay. That has been in question prior to now.

Countdown: 7 1/2 more days with students and summer is on its way!!