[EmilysZoo]

For the past two years I've been wondering if I should see a therapist. If left up to me, I would spend many hours a day laying in bed in a fantasy world. As it is, I only waste about 3-4 hours a day. I believe that there is some underlying dissatisfaction with elements in my life that I am trying to escape that leads me to fall into excessive daydreaming. Anyone looking in would say my life is pretty good, but there are periods during almost every day where I feel anxious or unhappy. However, I am still able to function well enough and get through the day. Basically, the stuff that HAS to get done gets done, but many other things that should be done get pushed aside. I hesitate to talk to someone because a) if I go and am asked 'what brings you here?', I will not know how to answer that because I really don't know what, if anything, is wrong, and b) my problems seem so trivial compared to some others I've seen that I keep telling myself to snap out of it and be thankful for what I've got.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Oh, and I do know about the thread on maladaptive daydreaming and the other sites devoted to this topic. However, I don't want to focus on the daydreaming; I want to focus on what is wrong in my life (which is ultimately, I think, causing me to excessively daydream).

Thanks.

[growlycat]

Welcome!

A therapist will never kick you out for appearing too healthy to be in treatment. Most T's know how long it takes clients to open up about the real reasons they are there. I hope that you explore the idea--- you can always start off by just saying that you are worried about your life's direction but you aren't sure where to begin. A good T is a good guide.

[dolphingirl]

I started therapy for something different and during one session I mentioned to my therapist about spending a lot of time each day thinking about things that could happen for hours on end, especially before I went to bed. T told me that most of it wasn't quit daydreaming, but more of anxiety, but I hadn't ever thought anything of it because I had "day-dreamed" ever since I was in elementary school. Know that I know that it isn't supposed to happen I can work on controlling it. We have talked about it some to try to get to the "root" of it and so far it has come to a lot of trust and control issues and some different fears.

[So hopeful]

You could have been describing me. My life looks good from the outside too, but I've always spent a lot of time daydreaming. I called it 'spinning stories' when I was younger. It has creative and wishful aspects, and I always enjoyed it. But my therapist has suggested that daydreaming is a defense. Is it like that for you - a protective bubble? When you're daydreaming, you're not really engaging in life. Now I'm trying to find out what I'm trying to protect myself from by lying on the sofa for hours at a time disengaging from the real world.

It was depression, not daydreaming, that got me to find a therapist. But I wish I'd thought to find a therapist when I was 'just' dissatisfied and daydreaming and not let it progress to such a profound depression. (Though I feel that's getting better too.)

I don't mean to suggest that will happen to you, but I think you're right to see a connection between excessive daydreaming and your unhappiness, anxiousness and dissatisfaction with aspects of your life. I think it might be worthwhile to shop around for a therapist you think you could work with on this. You wouldn't have to dwell on the daydreaming. I only mentioned it once to my therapist, since I also thought it wasn't really the main issue. A good therapist will help you discover what those aspects of life you're unhappy with are and could help you move forward.

[Moodswing]

"Sucker Punch" I was watching this movie on HBO a few months back and nearly jumped of the couch proclaming "Thats what I do!"(but not so perfectly movie style). I sent that movie link to my therapist(he never addressed it except for saying thanks) to help explain to him just how bad I can dissociate right into fantasy land.

Thank The Lord for my new therapist and EMDR because am able to stay present during more anxiety times and not escape into fantasy world.

[elliemay]

Well, I do think there is a problem that should be addressed. You spend just about one day a week daydreaming, instead of actually living your life.

That's a significant chunk of time you could get back!

A therapist might help you to look into your daydreams, see what you are dreaming about, and use that effort you are putting into them, to improve you daily life.

While you may not necessarily need a therapist, if you can get a good one, I think this task might be a lot easier.

Sometimes they can just see things that, for whatever reason, we can't or won't.

[Perna]

Emily, you sound like me in my teens and 20's (only I spent all my spare time in bed daydreaming, more like 6+ hours a day, 15+ on weekends and was late to work because I'd daydream in the shower and not get out, despite setting a timer, etc.). I needed about 20-30 years of therapy and life before the anxiety and problems were gone (my 50's) and I did not daydream excessively.

I think as you get older, if you do not change the habit it will have a greater hold over you and also get less satisfying so you become depressed. It cannot give satisfaction because it's not real. I would seek a therapist.

[tinyrabbit]

You don't have to know what is wrong or justify your presence in therapy. A good T knows that what ISN'T being presented matters too. It's okay if you don't know why you're there.

If you want to see a therapist, you should.

[EmilysZoo]

Wow, I am amazed that people responded so quickly with supportive thoughts. Thank you!! The general consensus seems to be that I should go. The next step I have to work on is getting past the barriers to my seeking out a therapist: finding one, but not letting anyone know what I'm doing. In my mind, I would be really embarrassed if someone knew I was going to therapy, even my husband. He doesn't know how much time I spend daydreaming. Yes, this sounds awful because intellectually I know there is nothing wrong with going to therapy, but emotionally the whole thing scares me. There seem to be quite a few posts on this site that I should read that would probably help with that fear. Ok, that's where I'll be headed next.