[jkbob]

I know many of us have trouble opening up in therapy but how do you get past that? And for those that are having trouble, are the words there for you or are you unable to put your thoughts/feelings into words?

For me, I can be sitting there and have a well worded response, complete sentences (paragraphs even!) in my mind but the most I'm able to give is a one word response. On many occasions I say nothing even though I have something to say. I don't want to waste my time or my T's time. How do I get the words out? Rarely I can't put the thoughts/feelings into words and that's why I don't respond. How do I explain that without sounding like an idiot?

[WikidPissah]

I have the same problem. I just can't seem to tell them what's going on. Can you write, or email? I found it helpful with my XT to email him asking for him to help me talk. He did, it worked well for a while.

[tinyrabbit]

Well, you certainly don't sound like an idiot. How long have you been in T?

[Freewilled]

I have the same fear of wasting time thing...I have very little in the way of ideas as to where it comes from though. It's ironic because when I don't talk, I end up feeling like I wasted time anyways /: I keep on trying because I know deep down that I really *need* help and I have very little support network in my life. I'm way in over my head.

Talking about it being difficult to get the words out has been helpful to me

[Perna]

I would not work on explaining I would work on getting it out. You are not talking for a reason and you need the pressure to talk I think.

When I had that problem for several years with my T it helped a little if I went at it sideways, just out and out told her I was talking to myself in my head but couldn't get the words out. You have to feel that sounding like an idiot is better than being silent. Tell her what you were going to say to the conversation 5 minutes before; eventually you'll talk about 3 minutes before, 2, 1, then to what's being said.

Maybe if you get a "running start" and repeat her word-for-word and then continue? Get over worrying about feeling like an idiot, you have worse problems?

[mixedup_emotions]

Definitely a dilemma that's difficult to overcome. I still struggle with this after 4 years of therapy. T tells me that my brain gets in the way of allowing my body to speak because my brain is trying to protect me. I have to somehow figure out how to quiet my brain enough so that my body can speak. Tough to do.

[jkbob]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Well, you certainly don't sound like an idiot. How long have you been in T?

On and off for 2 years. This time it's been almost 4 months, the other 2 times were for 2 or 3 months at a time.

[tinyrabbit]

Right, so you've been with this T for almost four months? That means you're still building up trust - so it's understandable that you can't just open up.

[refika]

Originally Posted by jkbob

I know many of us have trouble opening up in therapy but how do you get past that? And for those that are having trouble, are the words there for you or are you unable to put your thoughts/feelings into words?

For me, I can be sitting there and have a well worded response, complete sentences (paragraphs even!) in my mind but the most I'm able to give is a one word response. On many occasions I say nothing even though I have something to say. I don't want to waste my time or my T's time. How do I get the words out? Rarely I can't put the thoughts/feelings into words and that's why I don't respond. How do I explain that without sounding like an idiot?

You just described how I was when I first started seeing my T. I would have all these responses in my head to T's question but when I open my mouth, usually all that came out was "I don't know" or "I agree".

I would write a LOT which helped me get my thoughts out, then bring my writing in sessions. T made me stop writing so much and helped me verbalize my thoughts by telling me to try to remember what I wrote and talk about it, while holding the paper in my hand but not reading from it, just using it like notes.

Over time, I slowly started to be able to talk about things and get in touch with my feelings and make the words come out. A lot of it has to do with trusting and feeling comfortable with your T, and just letting it happen over time.

Originally Posted by jkbob

I know many of us have trouble opening up in therapy but how do you get past that? And for those that are having trouble, are the words there for you or are you unable to put your thoughts/feelings into words?

For me, I can be sitting there and have a well worded response, complete sentences (paragraphs even!) in my mind but the most I'm able to give is a one word response. On many occasions I say nothing even though I have something to say. I don't want to waste my time or my T's time. How do I get the words out? Rarely I can't put the thoughts/feelings into words and that's why I don't respond. How do I explain that without sounding like an idiot?

This sounds like me. My T says I have it all in my head but nothing will come out. I have a very bad time opening up.

[jkbob]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Right, so you've been with this T for almost four months? That means you're still building up trust - so it's understandable that you can't just open up.

It's been the same T this entire time.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by jkbob

I know many of us have trouble opening up in therapy but how do you get past that? And for those that are having trouble, are the words there for you or are you unable to put your thoughts/feelings into words?

For me, I can be sitting there and have a well worded response, complete sentences (paragraphs even!) in my mind but the most I'm able to give is a one word response. On many occasions I say nothing even though I have something to say. I don't want to waste my time or my T's time. How do I get the words out? Rarely I can't put the thoughts/feelings into words and that's why I don't respond. How do I explain that without sounding like an idiot?

I have the same problem. I've simply told T that I want to explain but I can't talk that long. I can only talk in short blurbs....a couple of words instead of full sentences. My T helps by trying to understand the main point of what I'm saying and the details come out a little at a time. You do the best you can, but if you let your therapist know how you're struggling, they can better help you.

[jkbob]

I know this isn't going to sound good but I'm saying it anyway.

I've considered having a drink or two before going to see T to make it easier to talk. I don't think this would be a good thing and I kind of think she'd be p*ssed if I did. The other side of it is that I'm almost afraid of what I would say. I know it would help me to open up but what if it opens the flood gates!

ETA- also my appointments are generally early in the morning so I don't necessarily want to get a buzz on as soon as i roll out of bed.

Has anyone actually done this and how did it turn out?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by jkbob

I know this isn't going to sound good but I'm saying it anyway.

I've considered having a drink or two before going to see T to make it easier to talk. I don't think this would be a good thing and I kind of think she'd be p*ssed if I did. The other side of it is that I'm almost afraid of what I would say. I know it would help me to open up but what if it opens the flood gates!

ETA- also my appointments are generally early in the morning so I don't necessarily want to get a buzz on as soon as i roll out of bed.

Has anyone actually done this and how did it turn out?

That one I see suggested it to me "What if you had a small shot of scotch before coming here?". Later she suggested I take a xanax before an appointment.

[jkbob]

Originally Posted by stopdog

small shot

I would have asked, "define small" and I don't have the xanax option, however I see how that could be helpful.

[stopdog]

I don't have or take xanax either. But it was interesting she told me to take one, or a drink. When I said I had no xanax, she said to ask my friends because surely someone would have one. It was fairly safe of her to tell me this sort of thing because I rarely drink and never take pills. And because we both knew I would not do it.

[jkbob]

I see. So what do you think she would have thought if you actually had shown up buzzed?

My T has never been angry with me (as far as I can tell) but I imagine she would be really pissed if I showed up buzzed at 10am on a Tuesday morning. I kinda want to do it to see if that would be her reaction

[stopdog]

She probably would clap with glee because I had taken a suggestion she made and let her know it and because it would seem as though I was willing to give up some control when around her.

[jkbob]

Originally Posted by stopdog

She probably would clap with glee because I had taken a suggestion she made and let her know it and because it would seem as though I was willing to give up some control when around her.

I can completely identify with this. My T has been suggesting for a very long time that I try medication and I very adamantly said no. Then I got to a not so great place and decided to try it. She was both surprised and pleased. I imagine she thinks I'll never allow myself to be vulnerable in front of her. (she could be right)

[mandazzle]

I used to have trouble opening up and sometimes it is still a little difficult. Something that worked for me is if there was something I couldn't really say I would email my T and we would talk about it the next time I would see her. I think for me at least, its easier to write some things out than say them.

[mixedup_emotions]

My T is quite adamant about not medicating before sessions (including alcohol). Since I struggle with intense anxiety at times, I thought it would be helpful to lessen the anxiety enough so that I can talk and work through things. But T sees it as a way to dull our feelings. He would much rather me feel anxious and push through the anxiety. Easier said than done.