[Miswimmy1]

Another thread got me thinking...

T1 is a bundle of personality. She's eccentric, blunt, fun, has a great sense of humor that matches mine... It's just great. T2 however... I find that she has seemingly almost no personality. I think it's a reason I'm not connecting with her. I don't know if she's just taking it slow while we get to know each other, but I find it quite annoying that she can't even crack a smile or make a joke. She's boring. But I mean, I can't say... Show some emotion and personality. How do I go about making it so that it's an environment that I'm comfortable in? Because how she is right now... Is like... So boring and dull. She asked me what I liked about T1 that would make our sessions easier and this is one of em. But don't know how to go about telling her.

It took me literally having a meltdown in session before I could tell my first T that his lack of emotional response or humor was making my life much harder and preventing me from making any progress in therapy. He asked how I was and I like, "fine. " Sat there a second and then was just so upset that I sort of went off on him about how much I hated therapy and I hated that he never expressed any emotion and I was left trying to interpret an eyebrow twitch and how he would just ask me questions and never give me any answers. It led to a really good discussion in which he explained the reasons for the blank expression stuff, and my explaining my issues with he and he actually adjusted his style for me. It was tremendously helpful to actually talk about it. Sometimes, you just have to lay it out there on the table.

[Bill3]

Sometimes, you just have to lay it out there on the table.

Yes. Miswimmy, you can do it!

[sunrise]

My T matches, to some extent, my level of energy. My T is a self proclaimed extrovert. I am an introvert. He said he tones himself down for me. Probably a good thing. But he has also told me he is becoming more introverted as he becomes older. That was interesting! Sometimes when I am higher energy and louder or cracking more jokes, he is right there with me, I guess because of his base extrovert nature. I don't have a problem with it--he still seems genuine. If a T was blah or a sourpuss the whole time and could not match the client, at least partly, I would say it was not a good fit. Miswimmy, maybe give her a chance by telling her what you would like, but if she remains impassive, think again about whether it is a dealbreaker and whether or not her other good qualities make up for this deficit.

[Perna]

Why is it you have two T's now, I forget. I would kind of like the different styles and trying to work with them; other people are all kinds and aren't always interesting or fun to work with and often the work is the same way. I would feel more relief with someone "boring" to work on some of my hard stuff. But I can joke/laugh inappropriately as a defense so I'd want to not get away with that sometimes, too.

If you wanted to say something to her, I'd just say your Ts' differences in personality are quite dramatic and though you appreciate her seriousness and the intensity with which she listens, you'd like more of a range of response. Keep it polite and "clinical" like she is so maybe she can hear you?

[roads]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

Another thread got me thinking...

....

[T2] asked me what I liked about T1 that would make our sessions easier and this is one of em. But don't know how to go about telling her.

Are you seeing both Ts at the same time, Miswimmy? If so, you might ask T1 for guidance here. If not, I wonder why a direct question is so difficult to address ... does T2 seem insincere? Does she seem to be laying a trap for you? Do you truly not know the answer?

I wonder too why, with so many Ts around, you waste emotional energy trying to connect with someone who isn't a ready fit for you. I stayed with a T I found distant--& I felt this was a choice he made, to stay emotionally removed from his patients--but I was able to accept that and for awhile we made quite a bit a progress. I learned a lot from him ... and then his distance became a hindrance. Part of it showed in scheduling when he refused to see me weekly when I was in crisis.

If T2 is someone you sense you need to work with at this point, then by all means give her the best answer you can at this point and work out the rest in session. My best thoughts go to you as you seek healing.

Roadie

[anilam]

Yeah I've always wondered- is my T his real self or does he put on an act because of me? i.e. do I know his real personality (or his T role) or does he change that for a client to be able to relate to them more?
Ex: I have a very black humour re myself. My T shares that with me- it does help greatly in therapy. However, most clients would be offended if T used this technique on them. So I kind of think he does that only for me.

Swimmy, I would not go to a boring T- but knowing your situation... try to make best of it. Could you tell her you'd appreciate it if she were more like your old T?

[likelife]

It sounds like you don't have much of a choice in continuing to see T2, in which case, I think it makes sense to lay it all out there as MKAC suggested. Since T2 is asking directly about T1, it seems ok to share. I don't think you need to frame it as "T1 is this...as you're not." Sticking with describing T1's attributes which you found helpful would be fine. T2 can draw whatever conclusions she likes.

I agree that a good T will try to flex within their range in order to accommodate a client's needs. At the same time, when I asked my T to do this, she told me that she could only be herself, that I was asking her to be someone she wasn't.

[stopdog]

Could you just show the second therapist what you wrote here if you cannot bring yourself to tell her the same? She will never be same as the first therapist no matter what. And she is still new to you and you to her. This might be rougher going if one spends one's time comparing her to the first one instead of dealing with her how she is.

I personally want the therapist to be business like and keep her personality out of the matter. Her trying to have a sense of humor worked out badly for me.

[Asiablue]

Working with teenagers is different to working with adults. I think with teenagers therapists need to meet them somewhat at their level ie less formal, less rigid, more open and personable. Perhaps her facade has something to do with how you are presenting. I don't mean that in a blaming way but just that if you have been very upset and very resistant then maybe she's felt on guard and needing to be strong. Maybe now you're allowed to see your other T you will relax and in turn she will. She is clearly interested in making this work for you since she's asked what it was you liked about how your old T worked and she is open to suggestions.

What about suggesting a "getting to know you" session, where you get to ask each other 10 questions, just silly things like favourite colour etc? What i found helps me to relax is to sit on the floor and T sat on the floor with me. That somehow changed the dynamic and made things feel less formal.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

Another thread got me thinking...

T1 is a bundle of personality. She's eccentric, blunt, fun, has a great sense of humor that matches mine... It's just great. T2 however... I find that she has seemingly almost no personality. I think it's a reason I'm not connecting with her. I don't know if she's just taking it slow while we get to know each other, but I find it quite annoying that she can't even crack a smile or make a joke. She's boring. But I mean, I can't say... Show some emotion and personality. How do I go about making it so that it's an environment that I'm comfortable in? Because how she is right now... Is like... So boring and dull. She asked me what I liked about T1 that would make our sessions easier and this is one of em. But don't know how to go about telling her.

This stuff takes time. I'd encourage you to be patient and just let things happen as they will and not force it so much.

When I changed therapists, I thought my new therapist (who was old than the previous one) was really slow on the uptake. I was starting to think gloom and doom about the whole thing. Thankfully, I was patient and what did I find out? T was just being super cautious as to how he responded to me and my questions. He was taking the time to really understand what I was asking before he would answer.

So, please, take the time to just get to know your therapist, as it seems she's trying really hard to really get to know YOU and not throw her own personality around.

[LadyShadow]

I like most people on here are wondering why you have two therapists. I personally don't have the emotional energy to unload on two different people. It sounds to me that you have really created a comfort zone with T1 and it will just take some time to get to the same comfort zone with T2.

I know what you mean though. I don't know what I would do if my T was devoid of personality and was boring. My T laughs, jokes, says comforting and supportive things and just has a presence that makes me feel comforted and important.

[Miswimmy1]

Sorry I can't quote all of you... But to answer questions:

I have two ts because I couldn't let T1 go... I made a strong (somewhat unhealthy relationship) with her and T2 decided that it would be ok for us to have a transition period where I saw both...

Taking what I wrote here is a good idea because I clam up in person... Thank u to whoever suggested that.

Also... I agree with whoever said that working with teenagers is trickier than working with adults.