Does your T ever raise their voice?

My T has a habit of raising her voice to me, not in the same style as having a shouting match, but more so as she thinks things 'go in one ear and out the other' and she gets angry on my behalf. She keeps saying 'am I pushing you?' which it seems she wants to do. (I never raise my voice or shout by the way)

She no longer asks how something makes me feel any more and more 'comments' about the situation. She told me that 'she underestimates me' which felt like a backhanded compliment!

She said she gets angry on my behalf but there was a time yesterday where she seemed angry at me for becoming so attached to my baby nephew and not being able to work this out. There was one point where I just shut up and felt like I was a little girl being told off for not getting the right answer. I think she's just fed up with me after 5 years

I saw she had a book on her table about counter transference and I feel awful that probably dislikes me and is bored by my infertility woes. We were at an impasse recently, but she said we've moved on from that.

Sorry, just had to put this down somewhere.

Does your T raise their voice??

I one try raising their voice at me one time. My response was simply "You do not get to shout at me" - it did not happen again.

Had to think about this for a minute because my first instinct was to say, No, his voice is always pretty consistent. But then I remembered the few times he raised his voice which were when I was dissociating and he was working to bring me back to the present. He raises his voice then to vary his tone to get my attention back with him. Otherwise, his voice stays pretty much at the same volume level.

That's interesting, my T always just let's me disassociate; I've wasted large amounts of minutes in my own place.

You're being vague again.I don't understand what there is to be worked out about being attached to your baby nephew. I know that a lot of stuff feels like yelling to me that other people don't think they're yelling but I do. You ARE allowed to exist, you know altho it took my t a long time to convince me of that

Happened twice ( in 7th yrs) not shouting but he definitely raised his voice- he was just trying to get his msg across- I have the bad habit of starting to repeat no, no, no,... When he says stg I don't like - doesn't happen often thank god (I guess you could call it regressing cause I do feel like a child saying that and then feel particularly stupid, well who wouldn't) Anyway, I guess after time he got irritated

No my T has never raised her voice at me. Never in 5 years. I would not handle that well at all.

Can you tell her that her behavior is making you shut down? You do get to make some choices in therapy, it is a service you are paying for. You don't have to tolerate a therapist's anger and raised voice. I like stopdog's response very much. Hankster also had a good point that sometimes it can feel like someone is angry or yelling but according to them, they aren't. So maybe check out your perceptions with her: are you angry at me? why are you raising your voice? are you fed up with me? are you reading that book on countertransference because of me?

Just as important is what you think. Do you think you are still at an impasse?

Is therapy with this therapist helpful to you? You mentioned your T said she was pushing you. Do you know what she is pushing you to do? Are you agreed with that goal? Is pushing you the best way to get to that goal?

i have in the past had a T who raised her voice and pounded her fist on the desk etc... but that might have been because i called her at midnight askeing her to bail me out of jail after beating up all her staff at the treatment program i was in. go figure she was a bit upset at that.

the T i have now has never raised her voice in anger but has done so in order to get my attention

My T raises his voice, but not in a "mean" way. He usually does it to get my attention, or get his point across, or for emphasis. Sometimes it feels like he's yelling at me and I tell him that.

My T has never raised her voice with me, that I can remember. She knows it would just shut me down.

She has frequently lowered her voice when I'm really upset, since I tend to get really hyper-sensitive to sound when I get in a bad headspace.

Yikes! I'm sorry! I also like Stopdog's response. My T has never raised her voice at me, and I'm sure she would never do that. She varies her tone, like she was stern with me after a sui attempt but then very soft and gentle at the same time. I heard her sound stern when talking to another client before (this client chose to talk to her about something outside of the therapy room). When I've talked about very sad or tough things, her voice is very soft and sweet.

I also would not do well with that. I can't stand people raising their voices or fighting. I like the boundary that Stopdog set. Could you set that same boundary?

I have an excellent T. He has spoken emphatically at appropriate times, but never angrily. If a T did raise his/her voice to me in a way that made me feel like a child being scolded by a parent, I think I'd change T's.

Mine once raised her voice when she was encouraging me to raise mine to get some anger out. I went into my worst ever complete panic attack. ( I don't generally have panic attacks). It took her over half an hour to be able to leave and months to re establish the trust. Funnily enough she's never done it since!
Granite you made me laugh.... Think yours was probably a little cross ...yes!

I don't think so, but I doubt I'd notice. I come from a family with a volume control issue.

Madame T certainly raised her voice in anger.
Mr T hasn't yet, and I don't expect he will.

This is a timely thread for me as my T raised his voice in our last session and I have no idea why or what he said. I don't think he was angry but I'm not sure. I'll figure it out next week I guess.

I think either I experienced him as angry when he wasn't, or some weird unconscious thing was going on as I was angry and then he shouted. Projective identification, possibly. It was a very odd session but it ended well.

T1 never raised her voice with me. She got angry on my behalf, and has cried in session on my behalf, but never yelled at me. she makes it very clear that she is angry at the situation, not at me. That is an important distinction for me.

T2 has never yelled or gotten angry with me either. she said she that she will never do that and she has kept her word, even though i have tested her and tested her.

i am sorry that things seem to be tough with you and your t right now. I don't think that the countertransferance book was specifically for your relationship with her... i wouldn't worry about it.

Nope, never. It's funny, b/c I hear her voice from outside the room when she's with another client. But she speaks a lot lower w/ me. And if I get upset, she'll lower it also.

No. Sometimes I think he's talking too loud about sensitive issues and I want to be like "Shhh, not so loud", but I've never felt yelled at.

Once I was very upset and I walked out of her office and she followed me and told me to come back but I didn't stop so she raised her voice and said if I left she would call the police. She wasn't angry but I certainly was after she said that.

And tell them what, that you left therapy?? I would never have come back and I don't blame you for feeling angry.

The next session we talked about it and she said she didn't want me driving when I was so worked up because it could have been dangerous and if she let me leave and I got into an accident and died that would be on her. I understand liability but I feel like she was being too dramatic.
But then she said regardless of liability she wouldn't want me to get hurt at which point I stopped being angry.

Still, I think it was a low blow.

Yes. T and i get into it sometimes. Which is so good for me. She is the first person i have learned to do that with-- to stand my ground with, or be assirtive with. I think she love sit when i do that. I like it actually when she gets all shouty of me, because i am learning to stick up for myself and get into fights with a safe person. I like having arguments with my T.

Well, I thought my T had raised his voice. The way I experienced it, he shouted at me, really quite loudly. I was convinced half the street could hear. It hurt my ears, so I covered them. I didn't hear anything he actually shouted.

That's what I experienced, but I think some part of me knew it wasn't quite right, that it had somehow been exaggerated in the transference, so I didn't make a big deal of it in my previous post in this thread.

I figured he probably did shout, but maybe not in a mean way. So, today, I asked him why he shouted. He said he had no recollection of shouting at me. I said, you know, when I covered my ears.

And my T told me he wasn't shouting when I did that. That I could have the experience of him shouting, and of my ears hurting, without it coming from him. That it would be unthinkable for him to actually shout at a client in that way.

Bloody transference!