[CantExplain]

Was I? Judge for yourself.

Suppose that after one bad session I refused to pay your fee. Would you keep seeing me after that? And would it make any difference if I said, “After all the years we’ve been together, you’re going to terminate over $140? Does our relationship mean so little to you?”

Or suppose we were married and you caught me cheating on you. Would it make any difference if I said, “You’re going to throw away ten years of marriage over this one incident?”

In my one big crisis of 2012 you failed to stand by me. You betrayed my trust. And yes, I’ll terminate over this one trivial thing in spite of all we’ve been through.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Was I? Judge for yourself.

Suppose that after one bad session I refused to pay your fee. Would you keep seeing me after that? And would it make any difference if I said, “After all the years we’ve been together, you’re going to terminate over $140? Does our relationship mean so little to you?”

Or suppose we were married and you caught me cheating on you. Would it make any difference if I said, “You’re going to throw away ten years of marriage over this one incident?”

In my one big crisis of 2012 you failed to stand by me. You betrayed my trust. And yes, I’ll terminate over this one trivial thing in spite of all we’ve been through.

It depends what equals a bad session. Unless it is something extreme, the therapist is due that money. Yes there is a relationship, but it is a paid service, regardless of whether you had a good time or not.

[nicoleflynn]

You didn't explain what happened. What did he do that he failed you and betrayed your trust? I don't think there is such a thing as overreacting. We react how we react.

[unaluna]

The first two examples are pretty concrete. What action(s) does "betray () your trust" refer to exactly?

Is this a hypothetical situation or a real situation ... The way it's been presented makes it difficult to discern.

Thanks,
Pfrog!

ps. As far as cheating goes, yeah, that would definitely be a deal breaker for me regardless of how long we'd been together. It isn't about the sex, it's about the lie and betrayal ... I could never trust you again.

A therapist will bill you for a good session or bad as sometimes it is up to the client on the topics they bring to the hour. It is a paid service and t has to be paid at the end of the day it is about business for them, they have to make a living.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Was I? Judge for yourself.

Suppose that after one bad session I refused to pay your fee. Would you keep seeing me after that? And would it make any difference if I said, “After all the years we’ve been together, you’re going to terminate over $140? Does our relationship mean so little to you?”

Or suppose we were married and you caught me cheating on you. Would it make any difference if I said, “You’re going to throw away ten years of marriage over this one incident?”

In my one big crisis of 2012 you failed to stand by me. You betrayed my trust. And yes, I’ll terminate over this one trivial thing in spite of all we’ve been through.

If I'm reading this correctly the first two are examples of hypothetical situations that you were using to explain or to get t to see how your decision was made to terminate...over the real situation that happened in 2012.

I can see the correlation ...I wonder if the problem is that she didn't acknowledge your feelings... Did she ever say I'm sorry that it hurt you? But that was not my intention?

[stopdog]

What may be a big deal to one person may not be to another. Certainly it seems madame t had very different ideas than you did about what should be a big deal. I don't think in a vacuum what should or should not be a big deal can be judged. The thing is, to me, is everyone willing to accept the consequences? It seems here, you were willing to quit and she was willing to let you. And if it was that big of a deal to you, then quitting seems entirely reasonable to me. The thing is, I (or we on this forum - for those that do) can agree with you all day long that the therapist was in the wrong here, but it does not change the outcome. She was not (and I believe many if not most therapists will not) admit she was wrong or that you had a valid point. She may even think it but be unwilling to admit it to a client. I would try to celebrate my sticking to my guns by quitting and try to find a way to let her refusal to admit culpability go. You can't make her admit it, perhaps finding a way just to accept that you were correct to quit because she was culpable could be enough.

[unaluna]

This reminds me of a Leave It To Beaver episode where Beaver runs away from home. At the end he asks his dad, didn't he remember how cruddy it made him feel when his dad let him run away? So how come you did the same thing to me? So the dad apologizes for his mistake.

[BonnieJean]

CE -I remember when you were in that crises if it was the one with your daughter. T is human and humans disappoint. Sometimes they need to be forgiven. But you seem to have many more related concerns about madame t and the way she related to you. Collectively they made it make sense to leave her. I don't see it as over reacting from that angle. Still a loss. And painful to break ties with a t.

And truly, it's our therapists' jobs to help us figure things out when we're overreacting. At least mine spends a fair amount of time doing that with me.

[stopdog]

I don't believe in a blanket it is the therapist's job to help all clients do X. Certainly not if they won't take the time to explain how X fits into what I am seeing them for. A therapist does not get to change or focus on anything about me that I don't want changed or focused on. If there is a correlation between X and what I want -then it will require a logical connection explained clearly and patiently from the therapist about the connection of those things and time for me to decide what is more important to me. I don't consider the job I hired the woman I see for to be to point out over-reacting. That is not why I go see her.

CE...sorry a little side bar here...

SD so your T only has your agreement to discuss what you came there for... not other issues they see or thought patterns they recognize...unless they can connect it to the original issue that you came to them for? honest question here not judgement?

I'm glad that I didn't give T that restriction because my what I "thought" was my original issue when I came to T was just a small segment and some of the best things I've learned in T have nothing to do with why I originally came to T. Thats not to say that I haven't started every session with my own topic because I have but it hasn't always gone the way I thought it would.

[stopdog]

Yes that is correct for me.

[WikidPissah]

Everyone has their own limit, a deal-breaker for one, may not be for another.
If H cheated, I am not so sure I could get over that. It's more than just sex to me...it's rejecting me and selecting another to fulfill needs.

CE, I think you and Madame T were done before this incident in 2012. If I remember correctly, that incident brought up anger and frustration over other unresolved incidents with her prior. I know that you did good work together, but you were ready to move on. I am sorry that it hurts so badly though.

[Perna]

I don't know; I have trouble comparing physical action against mental/emotional stuff. The paying of bills and fidelity in marriage are contracts both sides understand and agree to but the perception of mental turmoil/stress and how it can/should be responded to is going to be different for both sides.