[Raging Quiet]

Dear T,

I'm aware in our sessions I let you down and you feel angry with me. I feel that before I even knock on your door, you are already dreading seeing me; I am so slow and rubbish at therapy and you think I don’t listen.

You hint a lot of the time that I am taking so long and things aren't getting any better. It isn't fair to put you through this anymore and you should allocate my session to another client.

I really appreciate all of your help and support for dealing with my issues, even though you told me how difficult they were for you to hear and understand.

I’m sorry that I created an impasse a few weeks ago and thank you for your perseverance after this.

Thank you for your time.

R

[Perna]

As in other things, you probably should not terminate therapy for the therapist's benefit (because you feel you are a lousy client). Therapy is supposed to be for you and is supposed to be about you and concentrating on what you think the therapist thinks and feels is not about you. I would only terminate because I wanted to terminate, because I wanted to pursue other goals of mine besides therapy.

[sunrise]

Since you have been through so much together, could you terminate in person? You will get better closure. When my daughter and I terminated therapy with our family therapist, I did it in person at one of our sessions. I think it modeled good behavior for my daughter--how to end a relationship with grace, maturity, etc. (at least I like to think so. ). Can you try it? Therapy is often about learning relationship skills, at least in part. Have you learned enough to terminate in person? I agree with Perna, please don't terminate for your T's sake. Terminate for yourself because you want to.

[Asiablue]

Think carefully what you want from this. Is this letter really you terminating or is this letter designed to set alarm bells in your therapist, a cry for help essentially? I don't hear anything in that letter that tells me you genuinely want to terminate.
Your T could totally miss the point in this letter and actually take it as a termination, then how will you feel?

[tinyrabbit]

Oof, lots of feeling-statements in there. You don't know that your T dreads you coming! I am going to quote MY T and say: you need to matter more to yourself. Don't terminate. Talk about it.

[Raging Quiet]

Hi Everyone,

I will read it out to her in person over the next few weeks. It is time for me to leave.

I will be going through IVF and I need all my energy away from therapy to cope with what is happening; perhaps I can speak to a new infertility counsellor who understands. It isn't a cry for help as she has been hinting a lot that she's retiring soon and wants me to see someone who is more trained. It's been 5 years and I don't have the energy anymore.

When I come in, she just sighs all the time. I shouldn't have to pay to see someone who makes me feel so bad about myself. It's become more like a conversation nowadays and too informal. Her boundaries are everywhere - she runs overtime, speaks about her family and friend's issues. She can't save me and that realisation has hit me.

The last straw was when I found out she has been giving me homework which is copied from a book about a lady (who died of cancer) who thinks people give themselves illnesses like cancer and infertility because their subconscious tells their cells to and there is a problem with my chakras and that is too close for comfort.

She tells me what I should be doing and recently has been hinting I should divorce my husband and asks me questions like 'what happens when IVF doesn't work?' instead of asking me 'what will happen if the IVF does work?'

I'm not explaining it very well. I just feel a burden and I feel stuck in our sessions. This was the therapist who told me she didn't believe I had an eating disorder because I looked fine even when I passed out near the end of the session and even then when I was medically underweight and met the ED weight criteria told me I didn't look like a 'proper' anorexic which was, no doubt, the reason I relapsed heavily and couldn't speak to her.

Sorry for the stupid rant.

[wotchermuggle]

Sounds good. Good luck!

[LadyShadow]

No rant is stupid here. Sounds like you feel betrayed by your T. I couldn't cope with something like that. If you feel its best to terminate, do whatever YOU feel is right.

I like the idea of reading the letter to her in person though, That's a nice touch, so she can see your reaction and how deeply hurt by this you are.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

No rant is stupid here. Sounds like you feel betrayed by your T. I couldn't cope with something like that. If you feel its best to terminate, do whatever YOU feel is right.

I like the idea of reading the letter to her in person though, That's a nice touch, so she can see your reaction and how deeply hurt by this you are.

The weird thing is, I don't want her to see my hurt, I don't want her to feel a failure; it's a mixture of the both of us just not having the energy. I love her as a person, but as a therapist she just can't understand infertility and her words hurt.

Thanks for your comment

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

The weird thing is, I don't want her to see my hurt, I don't want her to feel a failure; it's a mixture of the both of us just not having the energy. I love her as a person, but as a therapist she just can't understand infertility and her words hurt.

Thanks for your comment

Oh you're welcome! I just feel bad it has to end this way for you and your T.

But if you think its the best thing for you both right now, then just do what you have to do.

She's not a failure, you two just don't mesh well.

Good luck and tell us how it went.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

Hi Everyone,

I'm not explaining it very well. I just feel a burden and I feel stuck in our sessions. This was the therapist who told me she didn't believe I had an eating disorder because I looked fine even when I passed out near the end of the session and even then when I was medically underweight and met the ED weight criteria told me I didn't look like a 'proper' anorexic which was, no doubt, the reason I relapsed heavily and couldn't speak to her.

Sorry for the stupid rant.

Lovely, that's got to make the final top 10 of the things never to say to an anorexic.

Anyway, seems like she can't help you... I'm not surprised you feel tired and ready to quit therapy. However, given that you've decided to undergo IVF I would strongly encourage you to find a better T- the whole procedure is really mentally and physically demanding and I think a T could help you greatly with that- different one I need to stress cause I think she should have retired long time ago.

[CantExplain]

((Rect0pathic))

You sounds discouraged and disappointed.

Maybe realising that you've got the wrong T is a sign of growth?

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

((Rect0pathic))

You sounds discouraged and disappointed.

Maybe realising that you've got the wrong T is a sign of growth?

Thank you, I think you may be right.

Take care x

I think your t doesn't realise how insensitive she has been with you! She is old and probably should have retired a long time ago. I am glad that she had said she can't help you, I think this is time for you to move on. I know it will be painful but you have been paying for a service that makes you feel bad about yourself. If you went to the hairdressers and they messed up your hair, would you pay?
I have heard you say you are tired a lot on numerous posts and lacking in energy, is this something to worry about? I am worried about your health, are you eating enough?
Recto, you deserve better than what your t gave you. I hope your I V F and new t work out well, meanwhile mind yourself

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I think your t doesn't realise how insensitive she has been with you! She is old and probably should have retired a long time ago. I am glad that she had said she can't help you, I think this is time for you to move on. I know it will be painful but you have been paying for a service that makes you feel bad about yourself. If you went to the hairdressers and they messed up your hair, would you pay?
I have heard you say you are tired a lot on numerous posts and lacking in energy, is this something to worry about? I am worried about your health, are you eating enough?
Recto, you deserve better than what your t gave you. I hope your I V F and new t work out well, meanwhile mind yourself

I am really touched by your response, my T doesn't even ask me these questions and instead lectures me constantly. It's a mix of undiagnosed depression, ED recovery and stress that makes me tired (my T thinks I should be meditating more to combat this)

We've reached an impasse/rupture and as my IVF treatment starts soon, I just don't have the energy to fix it with her and have another thing in my life to think about. That's why I feel i need to leave and quickly and perhaps find a t who knows about fertility and ED's.

I hope you are okay I am so touched how much care was in your post, thank you x

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

I am really touched by your response, my T doesn't even ask me these questions and instead lectures me constantly. It's a mix of undiagnosed depression, ED recovery and stress that makes me tired (my T thinks I should be meditating more to combat this)

We've reached an impasse/rupture and as my IVF treatment starts soon, I just don't have the energy to fix it with her and have another thing in my life to think about. That's why I feel i need to leave and quickly and perhaps find a t who knows about fertility and ED's.

I hope you are okay I am so touched how much care was in your post, thank you x

Hey recto, it's no problem x
Meditating is good for peace of mind and anxiety but it is not an answer for physical symtoms! Depression is serious and should be taken seriously and can be worked through by a combination of things including therapy, anti depressants and mindfulness.
I think your t is old and tired and to be honest it sounds like she is out of touch with new treatments and if she doesn't know much about eating disorders she should find out more, take a course.
Your t should not lecture you, should should be supporting you and helping you. Can I ask what her approach is? I am thinking that maybe a course of cbt might be very useful for you, have you tried this before?

[Raging Quiet]

Hello.

Her approach is integrative/gestalt (I think)

I've been researching about ruptures and leaving prematurely; I'm going to speak to her about this next session.

Take care of yourself, you are in my thoughts.

Thanks ago