[Yobeth]

I am so impressed with some of your Ts. You write how caring they are. I wish mine was like that. My T always answers my emails. Usually with 12 hours. I sent her this one last night. She never responded. I really needed to hear that she cares about me. Instead I got nothing. I wish she was caring like your Ts. This is what I wrote to her:

Sorry I just need to tell u. I spoke to my electrophysiologist yesterday. He said I could exercise if I "watch my heart rate" (my cardiologist said no exercise until after my stress test in 2 weeks). So against ur advice, I bought myself a heart monitor today.

I put it on, my heart rate was in the 70s. It was working fine. I exercised 50 minutes on the elliptical and my monitor and the elliptical machine were reading the same - my heart rate went up to 147. Then I have been walking up the steps - building up an additional floor each day - I'm up to 18 flights. Still monitoring my heart rate, it went up to 157. (This is a bit higher than my 85% target heart rate).

Got to my apartment and as I was walking into my apt, I had a dizzy episode and my heart rate went up to 229! This is not good and its only been 2 weeks from last episode. It only lasted a few seconds.

I laid down on my sofa to try to relax and it was really fluctuating - from 120s to 170s. Was making dinner - still averaging 130-170s. Was cleaning up my dishes and wasn't dizzy but felt the fast heart beat and it hit 219.

It's been 2 hours since I stopped exercising and it's still ranging from 90s to 120s. I broke down and took my beta blocker.

I now believe the halter monitor test results. I believe I could of had a 203 heartbeat without having symptoms without doing anything.

I can't stop looking at this monitor. Its stressing me out. Im even doing diaphragmatic breathing to try to relax. You were right. I should not of gotten the monitor. LOL. I should of listen to u. Sorry.

I'll be calling the doctor in the morning. I think I need to take this monitor off!!

Sent from Beth's iPad

[Miswimmy1]

I'm sorry that your t doesn't respond. Maybe she was busy doing something, or had an emergency she had to attend to. I wouldn't jump to the idea that she doesn't care about you. Maybe she knows that you are looking for reassurance, and thinks that the way to best help you grow is by letting you reassure yourself that you are cared for?

[murray]

I wouldn't read anything into T not replying to your email. You didn't ask any questions or ask for a reply, in this case my T would be very unlikely to write back either.

[precious things]

Originally Posted by murray

I wouldn't read anything into T not replying to your email. You didn't ask any questions or ask for a reply, in this case my T would be very unlikely to write back either.

Ditto...

[Moodswing]

My T would have at least responded with " Thanks for the update! Keep me posted on how things are going and we can discuss this at our next session if you feel up to it."

Quick easy response that does not invalidate me and makes me feel I count and have not been abandoned.

There are many reasons for her not responding that have nothing to do with you. Her internet may be down. Someone in her family could be sick. Prhaps the email didnt go through -- that happens sometimes. Maybe she had somewhere she had to be. Perhaps her husband or another family member needed her. Maybe her electricity went off. Maybe she is sick. Maybe she was exhausted and went to bed early. Maybe she had to get a bunch of shopping done.
Try not to read so much into it. It likely is not what youre thinking.

[WePow]

My t cares but I have to ask him for a reply if I need one.It is to teach me that it is ok to ask for what I need. Write back and ask for what you need.

[Yoda]

How would you want your T to respond? The topic was more appropriate for your medical doctors. I didn't see you write anything about your psyche.

My T doesn't even accept emails or phone calls between appointments except to reschedule for an earlier date as needed.

[nessaea]

I'm really sorry about your health stuff...that sounds scary. I am glad you wrote to your T about it.

There are a million reasons why your T might not have responded yet. Like many others here have said, perhaps she didn't feel a reply was needed, since you didn't ask anything, or perhaps she was busy, or her internet was down, or any number of other things. Try to relax, and maybe try to find some support with family or friends right now if you need it.

It is interesting that you say your T doesn't care about it, but then you also say that she always responds to you, and usually within 12 hours. Maybe it's just me, but that sounds like someone who cares. Many Ts are very busy people, so the fact that she will always respond to your emails and usually do it very quickly makes me think she might care about you more than you are able to see right now.

[jkbob]

I agree. You need to ask for what you need not assume that she "knows"

BTW I am pissed at my T because I told her I needed to see her and she told me she didn't have time and would see me at my appointment on Tuesday

[content30]

Well, a couple of things.... First, you say that your T always answers your emails, but that she hasn't written back this time. I think everyone needs a pass every once in a while. You say yourself that this is a one-off instance. So, I think that you should have a little more grace for her. Second, I read what you wrote, and it sounds rhetorical. You aren't asking any questions or for any advice. You are just giving her an update and stating that you should have listened to what she said. So, it is not actually an email that would necessarily warrant a response, in my opinion. Therefore, I really wouldn't read anything into it. I'm sure that your T cares.

As an aside, I'm sorry that you're having issues with your heart rate and hope that you can get it all resolved.

[tinyrabbit]

Your email doesn't seem to need a reply. My T (who is very caring) wouldn't reply to this. I don't think it means she doesn't care. I think you're adding emotional meaning to a fact (that she didn't reply) when you don't have all the info.

[ultramar]

Quick easy response that does not invalidate me and makes me feel I count and have not been abandoned.

This would be attributing an enormous amount of meaning into not responding to a casual, friend-like e-mail.

If something like this means that you're being invalidated, you don't count, and you've been abandoned, then what happens, for example, when you're in a huge crisis and not getting a response? The words you've used are pretty much as bad as it gets; what about gradations of responses depending on the situation? In this case, maybe such an e-mail would not warrant a reply, in other situations a reply might be reasonably expected. Doesn't it depend on the situation and not just on an e-mail sent -any e-mail- and not receiving a response?

[Yobeth]

Maybe it's the transference issues or maybe my low self esteem, but I needed her to say she cares. I read on this web site, how caring some Ts are, I just wish I had that too. I been told I test my T, so I guess here was a test that she failed.

[stopdog]

Everyone tests the therapist to some extent and for some period of time, in my opinion. Some people do it quicker and to a lesser extent than others, but everyone has some method of deciding who is trustworthy and who is not.

[Yobeth]

If u test ur therapist, and she fails and u read on this site how caring some Ts are, it really hurts. However, transference is so strong I would never leave her. Just wish she would be more caring!!

Your t not answering this email has nothing to do with whether or not she cares. You are associating two things that dont belong together. If this was a tesst for your t, it was something that was not fair for you to do. There are all sorts of reasons she may have for not answering.

[nessaea]

Yobeth - this is just a thought, but do you think maybe you might not be testing what you think you are testing? You say you are testing her to see if she cares about you, but I wonder if maybe these tests, like this email thing, might actually not be a great indication of that at all.

I have a T who cares about me a lot. It took me a really long time to figure that out. You know why? Because I was looking in all the wrong places! For example, I figured that if she cared about me, she would send me emails to check in if she knew I was having a rough time. But she didn't, and so I just concluded that she didn't care. It turns out that she wasn't sending me emails because she knew people have walked all over my boundaries all my life, and so she was trying to respect my space and was always waiting for me to initiate email contact. She was caring about me more than anyone I knew, but I didn't know how to see it.

So, like I said in my last response, I think your T probably does care about you, and you might just not see it right now. You said that your T always responds to your emails, and usually does it within 12 hours. I will say again, this to me sounds like the actions of someone who cares. Maybe instead of looking for confirmation of all the ways she doesn't care about you, it might be good to try to look at all the things that would show the ways she does care?

[WePow]

I understand. What you are processing through is very difficult. You are doing GREAT knowing it is transference. Keep working through what this is bringing up for you.

[Yobeth]

Ok, I hear what you are saying that my email didn't require a response back (even though I wanted one). Then on Friday, I sent her another email confirming my appt on June 27th. I told her I would do this as I didn't know my schedule that week when we made the appointment. She did not respond to that email either but didn't expect her too.

I just feel "the need" to hear from her since my next appt is not until June 27th. I guess it's the transference kicking in. Thanks!

[WePow]

That is the email you need to send.

[WikidPissah]

Lack of response is NOT a lack of care.
A hateful mean response would be indicative of that.

I hope you manage to get to the bottom of your heart rate issues, medical stuff sux.