Couch 53 Bringing it All Back Home

Sometimes I think it might be better for everyone if the government took it all. That would certainly bring families together!

Like Ms. Marple? That's horrific!

I just want her money to hold out until she dies, because I don't want to have to support her. At this rate she'll be broke in a year. And there is no life insurance, so there has to be enough left to bury her.

Wiki... it sure must be difficult to be put in this position. I didn't realize you have other siblings ... I thought it was just you and your brother? Is this the brother that you took care of?

what have the siblings said about it all.the direct tv would be gone if the other bills have not been paid. i guess no other sibling is willing to oversee this... i'm so sorry wiki .it is so miserable to be feeling like this.can you take away the check book and pay your mothers bills and pay your brother her rent

Wiki...perhaps you should have your mom pay her "rent" directly to the utility companies...up to her normal rent amount...

Ready...there are actually 7 of us. My parents had 5 kids, waited 12 years and had my brother and I. He is the one I took care of. He is used to being taken care of. He feels entitled.

I asked her to give me the bills and let me pay them from here on out. It's difficult, because she carries a lot of cash around (doesn't know how to work a debit card and panics if you ask her to). So she gives him a lot of cash on top of the rent, $20/here $50/there. He always needs cigarette money. He is the type of guy who thinks nothing of spending $100 on a pair of jeans but has no money left for bills. He's always been like that, he's been thru partners who loved him but couldn't handle him always needing money. His bathroom is a disaster, holes in walls and floors, nasty old shower, no sink. Gross. She offered to help him get it fixed, he picks out an $8000 shower. Crazy, I told him NO. I told him to do what most people who don't have money do...but a cheap fiberglass shower and sink and have it installed by home depot.

Ready...that was the plan when she moved in there...but she started paying him rent. Kills me because I told her this would happen.

Today we put in applications at a bunch of Senior apartments. She shouldn't have to live in squalor.

Why in the world would she rather live with him then in a retirement community... Parents... you can never understand them or explain them...yet they expect us to take care of them... crazy!!!!

Wiki... did your older siblings go thru the same things you did? My older siblings tell me that I had a totally different childhood but won't explain what they mean by that just the way they say it...they had it worse which is hard for me to imagine.

Hey Granite...
How was T????
Did you like the hairy leg pic I posted of you?

LOLZ did you see the episode where there's an old old lady miss marple and the brunette lady from Dynasty Joan Collins? That's me and my neighbor friend - I'm miss marple in the high round collared shirt and she's all glam - sigh!!

She was a mom for them....cubscout leader, girlscout leader. She was on the PTA. And dad came home every night, and only got drunk and beat her every few months. He beat the boys badly, but not my sisters. He didn't beat my little brother either, because I always took it for him.

Omg I just became a lesbian. And I only like blondes. And albinos. Or anybody who suffers from severe hair loss.

Morning all. Had a decent nights sleep. Now I have to drive across town (remember this is NOT New York) take me all of 10 mins, pick up my daughter take her to the Youth Mental health team, who never tell me anything anyway. And my T says they most likely never will.

I'm sorry ... I shouldn't have asked...

I have to say i find it amazing that when we were kids people would KNOW as in having seen... kids be abused whether in your own family or neighbors and didn't report it...

I met some people my age that my parents were neighbors with their grandparents before we moved when I was 3 and we played together... they told us about how abused they were and when I mentioned it to my mom... I expected her to be surprised... she said yes they were severely mistreated... beaten and made to stay outside forever not even allowed back in to use the bathroom, etc.. and she said it like she didn't have any responsibilty for knowing this and not doing anything about it.

Granite??? CHickie???

God yea Ready, I had broken arms, facial bruises..ick. I look at school photos and I am like OMG. I don't know why the teachers, or priests or nuns didn't do something. Anything. I remember sitting in the catholic church in Southie and praying so hard that someone would rescue me. My H finally did, when I was in college.

i love the hairy leg thing.

T was not so helpful .i couldnt talk much .but when i did tell her what was going on with the mother she did what everyone does .tries to tell me all the mothers options etc... i know her options .unless i am willing to fly down to florida and hold her freaking helpless hand through it all she will do nothing but be the victom. it is all messed . all i wanted was for her to listen not fix it because the mother will not allow it to be fixed.but T went into fix it mode it seems . why cant she just fix me. i wanted her to make me feel better about the fact that i dont want to help the mother ,that i wish she was dead .not give me ways that i can help her .

Wiki... I love your H for rescueing you.

(((chickie))) Your mother doesn't deserve you. I think because you are kind of saying you want to help her, but you can't...we all want to figure out a way where you can help without being responsible. We know you feel like you have to help her...look at what I am doing with my mother, I totally get it. It is next to impossible to turn your back on them. Especially when you see a little old confused lady.

If you don't want to help...that's totally different. I fully support you in your not wanting to help. Helz...she never helped you, why should you help her.

Granite... I'm sorry it wasn't helpful... could you have stopped your T from her listing of options? could you have said what you said in your post just now?

or does it seem to hard to say anything that could be seen as conflict or a complaint?

I'm guessing your older siblings are middle aged and or getting there and established.

I have to imagine your pretty much just starting out?

Why the h.e. double hockey sticks is this falling on you to be compassionate and organized? That's a big family and you're one of the babies, all things being equal (I'm guessing... And sorry if that's a poor assumption)

PS does he have anything defined from a mental health condition going on?

Mapleton...not that Wiki can't explain for herself but since i'm in the same boat ... I'll explain... Wiki is an accountant and if you are in a profession that everyone needs like a lawyer or a doctor, etc...your family expects you to do it for them for free

A friend of my mother's was a lady that had a substance abuse issue and basically both abused and kept her daughter emotionally dependent on her, including by guilt. The mother now lives with the daughter and SIL

It's tragic and never ending. And people have all kinds of reactions to this.

We all have mental health issues...but he is actually a social worker, so he should have it more together. I am middle aged, my siblings are old. LOL. I love saying that. My mother is really old. I am also one of the only two who has any kind of a college degree, and I am fairly good with banking and finance.