This is getting scary. I posted last week about a friend who I took 'hostage' & how I feel so different now.
Well, yesterday another friend was texting me. This one was another 'hostage' at one point. Well to be fair I think she has major codependent issues. I was her 'hostage' as much as she mine. 11yrs ago when I had a break down. It was way chaotic. Police involved etc. she got very involved in the chaos at that point.
We've kept in touch. She's amazed at how I am now compared to back then. A insane alkie.
So yesterday she said about a prog that was going to be on TV connected to similar issues I experienced as a child. She thought I'd be interested. Which I was. But she finished by saying "in going to watch it & think of you". Ok, that sounded a bit icky. But that 'thinking of you' was what I use to crave. Telling anybody who would listen to my horror stories wanting to believe that they would then sit thinking about me all day long. Concerned about me. Worried about me.
Actually it was the pain of the fantasy never getting met that was the driving force behind me entering recovery.
Back to 'today'. When she said that I felt so normal. So adult. I know once hearing that would have kept me fantasy fuelled for a couple of days. Now? I just found it icky, and saw my 'friends' wound. Yes I know if we're friends we do think kindly about each other. But with my history I could actually feel the change inside me now.
I spoke to T about this. Asked her why did I use to want to get people thinking about me 24/7? T said "because your mother never did".
It's such a freeing feeling not to still have my wounds bleeding out so much. I told T "this **** must be working" T smiled.

[Perna]

Thanks for your story. So great to get outside confirmation things are working, even if icky on the surface/with the history behind it. Hope the friend isn't too jealous and starts trying to play some sort of game with you/it. I think I'd be a bit offended if a friend told me I was "normal" and "adult" like they're older/wiser.

I never spoke a word of this too my friend. I understand how it would sound. This is just my taking note of my progress. My friend is where she is in her therapy.