My fresh start with a new T... the good and the "I-just-have-to-handle-this"

So, I'm trying to put everything in my first ("real") therapy, Monday, in perspective. Thank you for everyone's support with my anxiety going in, and the "do I matter stuff" too. I didn't really feel it was anything to get tired about, but a couple of hours after, my energy level just crashed, and I grew more and more tired. 50 mins of emotion can apparently drain a person.

To everyone that talked about not liking someone walking behind, it seems like T wanted something like that.. I was following, but she looked back a couple of times, like "get the hell over here." I so understand that feeling now (and yeah.. thinking of this thread http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-tell-him.html )

I promised my candor, and requested hers. She agreed, and then I talked about my deep trust issue, and wanted to know her true feelings about a personal thing I felt like I failed in. She told me that at a personal level she had felt hurt by that from someone else… but immediately after there was context and forgiveness. It's never felt so good to be criticized /smiles. I feel like she can tell me the hard truth AND make it better too (and I thought of you, MUE when I wrote this http://forums.psychcentral.com/3125198-post1002.html )

She then said the dreaded "but it doesn't matter what I think." No, T. It really does; If you can have both honestly negative and positive reactions, I'll know that you're not ********ting me from behind a professional barrier. The world wont treat me as kindly as you will here. I have to be ready, and you can introduce me to this, in a safer way. (That’s my theory, anyway, and I know there is a discussion thread but I can't find it.)

I already mentioned the leaning/voice incident (here http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...m-sorry-t.html ) I'm still fascinated by it, two days later. I'm going to ask for different seating. Or at least think about asking and probe to see if she's agreeable.

She didn't utterly give in to the idea of weekly sessions; the absolute standard there is bi-weekly. She did however agree to try weekly's to start. Yay. She also mentioned the intent of a time limitation, there… 9 months.. Which also, meh… but I will take from this, what I can, and work my end of the therapy (and hopefully group DBT, which was mentioned at the end,) very hard

So. Yeah. Beggars can't be choosers, but this feels like a little bit of a new beginning. Maybe I'm being utterly naïve and it will come apart again, but I'll reserve that anxiety for another time.

M.

It sounds like you feel good about your session and moving forward with your T Im glad you have found support on this board. I can relate to your notion of wanting T to be open and honest so that you know she's not ********ting you with a professional facade. This is important to me too because I often worry my T doesn't really like me or thinks I'm annoying as heck and pretends not to be bothered. I'd rather he share both positive and negative responses as it would help him to feel more "real" to me.

I'm glad that you have a T that is willing to be honest with you!

That's awesome! Good job getting what you need!