[Syra]

I was wondering if anyone has thoughts on termination rituals. I think I might want one. The idea of riding off into the sunset just doesn't feel good. But I don't know what I want. I imagine most people who have terminated aren't here anymore.

So far all I've thought of is two, very modest gifts - one each way. for remembrance. Something under $10, probably under $5. Like a puppet, or figurine for sand play, or pillow for clients to hold and comfort themselves. He could give me a saying that is meaningful. I don't know how comfortable I am with that idea, and I don't have any other ideas.

P.S. This would be separate from the terminating process when I review my journey with him.

[sunrise]

How about writing a poem together, about your journey? First you write a line, then pass the poem to T, he writes a line, then back to you, and so on. When you are done, you have a poem you have created together, just like your journey.

[gaia67]

Originally Posted by sunrise

How about writing a poem together, about your journey? First you write a line, then pass the poem to T, he writes a line, then back to you, and so on. When you are done, you have a poem you have created together, just like your journey.

Ooh, I like that a lot!

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[Syra]

Originally Posted by sunrise

How about writing a poem together, about your journey? First you write a line, then pass the poem to T, he writes a line, then back to you, and so on. When you are done, you have a poem you have created together, just like your journey.

I like it. Thanks.

This is a great idea. Maybe we can make a collection of termination rituals

[CantExplain]

Even riding off into the sunset would have been better than what I got!

[Syra]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Even riding off into the sunset would have been better than what I got!

Yeah. My termination with my exT was pretty brutal - ending with a Dear John letter! This time I have a terrific therapist - who I have quizzed about what he would do if things seemed to start going south. He gave a really really good answer. I'd like to have a nice ending this time.

I totally understand it's hard to think about nice endings when your own ending was not very nice, or healing, or comforting. I'm sorry it was so difficult.

[feralkittymom]

I didn't have any ritual, per se. But the circumstances--his return after serious surgery, his planned retirement, the length of time we'd been together--all played a part. It was a mix of life, death, loss, fear, hope, laughter, and tears. Sounds like a cheesy movie review !

I think the open exchange of feelings was what was most rewarding, and what has stayed with me. I gave him a small gift related to his hobby; I didn't expect anything from him.

[Asiablue]

what about each filling in a questionaire and then sharing at the last meeting, your questions could be

What i learned from you is ...........
My favourite memory of our time together is ..........
Something i want you to know but never told you.........
My hope for you is ..............

etc etc. I think that could be nice to look back on?

Here's another thing I thought I would want on the questionnaire:

The thing I most want you to remember from our time together is .......

[Syra]

oooh. sort of like a reverse interview.

After someone posted some questions to ask when searching for a T several months ago, I decided to ask my T the questions I didnt' know the answer to. It was a really good session.

Now, it's like a reverse, double interview. I don't just interview him. He also interviews me (even if I do give him the questions. Hmmm. Maybe he'll have a question of his own - but I doubt it. He's relatively non-directive).

Hmmm. I like this one too.

[SkinnySoul]

I've thought about it many times.
Although I think that a loooong long time of therapy lies ahead of me, so terminating is not really an issue at the moment...

I'd like to write him a letter about all those things our journey means to me and give it to him at the beginning of our last session.

[rainbow8]

There are some really good ideas here! Thanks for starting this thread, Syra. Since my termination looms in the not so far away future, it's relevant to me.

I like the idea of the poem, but I think for my T and me, painting a picture together might be a great way to end. I'd been thinking about asking if she'd paint a picture for me, but she may refuse to do that. I don't think she would refuse if we did it together in the session together though.

Or, along the same line, what about making a collage together, and put in meaningful pictures and words about the therapeutic journey you two made together?

[Perna]

Are you talking about terminating therapy or just finishing with this therapist and is this happening "soon"?

I had a long termination process and worked out most of the scary ending part during the process. I gave my T a gift, week before the last session, because I wanted to, that was equal to (or less than) a session's fee and that was meaningful to me so I could imagine T looking at it and thinking of me but I did make sure it was T's favorite color, blue.

If nothing you know of is happening anytime soon, you may not want to get locked in to wanting one thing or another just yet but let time and your actual therapy influence what's going on.