[sugahorse1]

Ok, so T is working with me on abandonment issues and my parents not being there for me emotionally.
I have really been battling lately and feeling down and like my life is pointless. I said how I just wanted to climb into bed and crawl into a ball. How I just wanted to hide. How I felt so many emotions but couldn't put a name to them.

In the last few months she's started to stroke my arm as I leave, but today she offered me a hug. Of course I would have loved it.
But I declined and told her I'd probably burst into tears. She still joked about it "Heaven forbid you should cry". I know I need to let the tears and emotions go.

But I was too scared to cry in front of her, I don't know if I actually can let the tears go, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to let her go. That I'd feel so warm and cared for. That it then would be a problem long-term.
I don't know if it would be - I'm just so confused today

[CantExplain]

:hug((Sugahorse))

[Raging Quiet]

I think it would be wonderfully cathartic if you did.

[sugahorse1]

The irony is that I think so too. I'm just scared of the emotions and scared of having to let go

[granite1]

wow i like your T .but completely understand the not hugging thing, and also the not crying thing .maybe your T should offer a hug in the beginning of the session and then you could be able to cry if that happens and you could talk about it

[sugahorse1]

@Granite - this is actually exactly what i thought this morning. That it would be so much more useful for me to get in touch with my emotions at the beginning of the session.
I think she worked out a lot about me in this last session and I'm always intrigued to see what approach she'll take next.

I wish she'd hugged me

[eskielover]

Last week with my psychologist, she asked me about what emotions I was feeling.....I sat there with a blank stare as I couldn't put the names to the emotions like I was able to do in my DBT group when I had pages after pages of emotion names.....so she broke out her DBT book & we went through the list of emotions.......I had 1 1/2 pages of emotions I was feeling & it was good because we could talk about why I was feeling each of them & what I understood them to be.

You might find something like that helpful....here are some sites & lists of emotions that might help you get in touch with what you are feeling:
List of emotions and definition
Emotions and Feelings – A List of Choices.
List of Feelings
Feeling Words

Just enter "list of emotions & feelings" in your search driver & you can find even more.

I really like the ones where the words fall under their appropriate defined category & have seen some like that....none of these lists are like that tho.

I do understand the inability to put the words to my feelings.....but it's amazing what help it is when we can & then we can talk about each of them & that's even more interesting & opens up the mind in amazing ways.......

.....it's a struggle.....but it's possible to work through it. Emotions are important...negative ones show us that there is something wrong that needs worked on/fixed......positive ones show good things surrounding us to be thankful for......so emotions are a good thing....but we need to be in control of them not allow them to control us.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Eskie.
I just want to be able to feel. Right now even negative emotions are "good" because it proves there is something there and alive.

I often just feel like a ball of emotions with no name to them.

I wish I'd accepted the hug

[SkinnySoul]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I wish she'd hugged me

Maybe you should tell her this at the beginning of your next session?
Your T sounds like a very understanding person, I think she will help you get in touch with the feelings you're so afraid of.

[sugahorse1]

Thank you.
I tried to write down my feelings and emotions, especially around this all, and have just sent it to my T in an email. She asked me to share with her. And I quickly replied that i did not expect an answer. It just helps to know someone has heard me and i don't feel so alone.
I was very open and honest and told her how much I'd wanted to say yes to a hug...

Now on top if everything i am fighting with my insurance to cover my therapy sessions. Just as we are making great progress. I can't imagine having to terminate now!!!!

[depressedandlonely]

My former therapist held me once and afterward i both feeling confused and like it. But after i told her it bother me, she didn't hugged me anymore.

[mylifeart]

my old therapist did this to me one time, she asked if she could give me hug.. it was really weird. i told her i guess.

when i got up to hug her she said come to (her name) and then she kinda rocked back in fourth in the hug, saying shhhhhh and i wasn't crying, and i wasn't upset, i was not saying a word?? i found it weird... and this is why, i was so upset with her.. it seemed to me like she was trying to get me to attach to her.

[eskielover]

Now on top if everything i am fighting with my insurance to cover my therapy sessions. Just as we are making great progress. I can't imagine having to terminate now!!!!

Be tough.....read over what your insurance really does cover so that you can fight them if they are trying to get away with something they shouldn't (like most Insurance companies try to do).

I'll give you my fighting spirit right now......I have had to use it lately with IRS, Home owner's insurance, & the loan modification people who tried to tell me I had to sign my stbxh's loan modification (NO WAY!!!!!)........amazing how much fight can be hiding inside when we know things are WRONG......so it's best to know what your insurance really does cover.

Sorry you are having to go through this....I understand what it does to our anxiety level.....it was after this that I was talking with my T about all my emotions......& came up with 1 1/2 pages worth of a list that we talked about.....at first I couldn't identify any of what I was feeling....just knew I wasn't feeling good & my anxiety was higher than it's been for a realllly long time.

This will get worked through....but mananging while you are working through it is the major project right now

[marcel83]

Originally Posted by mylifeart

my old therapist did this to me one time, she asked if she could give me hug.. it was really weird. i told her i guess.

when i got up to hug her she said come to (her name) and then she kinda rocked back in fourth in the hug, saying shhhhhh and i wasn't crying, and i wasn't upset, i was not saying a word?? i found it weird... and this is why, i was so upset with her.. it seemed to me like she was trying to get me to attach to her.

I'm scared reading that...

[sugahorse1]

Mylifeart - I dont think my T would do this - but I agree that it sounds scary

[sugahorse1]

T replied to my email and said she appreciated that I was writing things down and getting in touch with my emotions again.
And then said I must email her whenever I felt I needed to share. Wow