Has anyone asked what will T remember?

There was a recent thread about what good memories we have about our sessions. I told my T what I posted. I thought of asking her if she could share any memorable sessions she had with me but I didn't. Maybe she doesn't remember them well enough, or none of them stick out in her mind.
It seems risky to ask because I don't want her to say she has none.

Has anyone asked their T this question? Did your T answer it? Do you think it's an intrusive question? Do you think most Ts would have an answer, or are all our sessions lumped together and they don't remember them the way we do?

All of my Ts have had good memories.

Thanks, but I'm specifically asking if you asked what stands out for them in your therapy, would they be able to pick out specific sessions? I told my T that the two sessions that stand out for me are when we made my birthday card together, and when I sang in my session. I wonder if any sessions stand out for her.

I'm sorry if my questions weren't clear.

I understand your question, rainbow. I haven't asked my T if she has any favourite moments from our therapy or sessions she finds memorable... I don't think I could. I think I know at least one example she might say, and it could be interesting to hear what stands out in her mind... but if she drew a blank I would just die inside.

I don't think the one I see remembers who I am from week to week, let alone what happened at a previous appointment.

I asked my T once when I thought I was terminating. She said she'd remember how I was towards her and specific times we spent together. She would remember the maternal feelings i brought out in her. She said she'd always remember me, love me, and be proud of me.

We've talked about this. Turned out there were things that he remembered, things that I remembered, and things that were important to both of us.

It's an interesting question. I haven't asked it but sometimes he will say "remember when...." but usually is was a breakdown on my part that lead to new discoveries.

My T and I have a ritual that any Fri the 13ths (scary date to my inside kids) or trigger date she talks about 13 humorous, memorable sessions, or seen progress to date. A way to celebrate. More often many more than 13.

I haven't asked it ... I'm sure there are lots of sessions that stick in his mind though

It wasn't planned, but did come up in my last session. Interestingly, one of our choices was the same session, about 9 years earlier, but we were impacted by each other's reactions in that session. And neither of us remembered our own reactions as fully as the other did.

The other session that we both felt was important was the final one.

I think it's a very tricky question, because it might be difficult for the therapist to come up with an answer that wouldn't disappoint in some way. What you (or any patient) may consider important/memorable to them, may not coincide with the therapist.

I can't imagine asking my therapist this. Because my memory can be poor and I'm not so good at threading things together chronologically, I've asked him what he remembers us talking about around x time in order to figure/work something out. But asking the question you ask, it just feels in the context of a completely different kind of relationship, not because of 'boundaries' just because it feels that way to me. And I feel like if I asked, he would feel uncomfortable, because he might feel that I was looking for a certain kind of answer, had certain expectations.

A memorable time for you may be making a card together, a memorable time for her (in terms of what's important to her as your therapist) may be an aha moment you had in therapy which helped you to move forward. I think it's a tricky question in that you are hoping for a certain kind of response, and the therapist, if they were honest and not trying to just tell you what you want to hear, may well disappoint in a way that would be painful.

Are you on some level (subconsciously) hoping for a certain kind of answer? For her to refer to something that was significant as far as the closeness of the relationship, rather than something more therapy-y?

Good point ultramar. You'd have to go in with no expectations and not as a set up to T. For T and I it's a back and forth.

T: I remember x!
Me: Me too, and Y, do you remember Y?
T: Harder for me to remember. We've been through a lot, do you remember how hard it was to talk about z, and now look?
Me: Yeah but ABC is still hard huh...

When I get into areas of wanting her to remember things a certain way, it gets sticky. Because we both remember it different, especially ruptures. So we just let whatever come up come through.

It could feel very "test-y". We try to focus on therapy goals, progress, funny moments. But things like "remember the best cuddle time ever?" to her likely isn't as important, though it is to my inner 6 yr old with attachment problems. Because it comes down to, if your answers are vastly different is there going to be a bottoming out of feelings, of being angry at T, of punishing T. Important to think about before asking.

I know from discussions with my recently ex-T that his memory is terrible so that asking about specific things is a guaranteed setup for both of us ... so that's another thing to take into consideration when planning to ask about what they remember.

I've asked her stuff like "what was I like when we first met?" because I barely remember my behavior at my first session.

I don't particularly have any memories that I want her to remember in a specific way or anything that I thought was special. I remember her saying things or reacting to things in a certain way that I either liked or didn't like but no no "moments" that we shared. Maybe I am just far more concerned with her reaction to me than her memories of me.

I haven't asked what ts favorite memories are, but I have asked if she thinks about me or will ever forget me after we are finished. She said of course she thinks about me, and cares about me verydeeply, and that she couldn't never forget me. It made me feel all warm inside

I had several sessions with a T whom I had seen for an extended period of time about 10 years previously. I was surprised to discover some of the memories she had of my time in therapy with her, and it was interesting to see that what stood out for her was very different to what stood out for me. She didn't remember some things that I thought were pretty important (and 'should' have been remembered) but other things that she viewed as quite pivotal and important *I* didn't remember until she raised them.
I doubt that I could muster the courage to ask a current T about what was memorable for them - like others I would worry that I was putting them on the spot, and that nothing was memorable!

My T concentrated so much on the "process" I don't think she'd be thinking about this session or that, other than I can tell, when she brings up something we have talked about before, obviously the before session was important to her? I don't think T's focus on memories, mostly on learning to live in the moment; if I get to talking too much about the past for its memories, bring in too many pictures from when I was young, etc. I get gently told to move closer to "now", right there and then in the room.

But I did see my T twice, with time in between and we did discuss before/now and it was interesting how much our memories differed (what I thought of offices we'd met in versus the "reality" of them; they were never hers but, at the time, I didn't quite know/understand about that and associated one beautiful one with her and she thought that office was "cold" :-)

As much as I think my T wants to help me I don't think our sessions stand apart for him. I don't believe they hold onto those "moments" the way we do.

I'm scared to ask. Sometimes, while in session, I feel a desperate need to ask a slightly different question:
"Will you remember me after we terminate?"

I'll never ask. I just hope he does, 'cause I can never forget him...

She asked me this question, and though I have so many important moments that stand out, it was difficult for me to think of more than a couple obvious ones because I was caught off guard by the question. I don't think well under pressure. Though therapists should do better under pressure than me, if you happen to ask your T this and she can't think of anything in the moment, I wouldn't conclude that you don't mean enough to her. As soon as I left, I thought of a ton of things I wish I said.

Anyway, my T offered something that stood out in her mind of me. When my sister's cat was dying, she decided to put him down. I told my T that I didn't want her to because we wouldn't do that with humans when they were dying. She said that she remembered this because it showed what was important to me. Long story short, her comment shows that what she found memorable was related to her own interests and beliefs, which I found interesting. T's are not necessarily unbiased.

T and i have talked about some specific really good things we have done together that i am sure she wont forget. We climbed a mountain together once. We had several other adventures together. She says she wont ever forget me, but we will also be in eqch others lives even when we are old.

My T initiated this topic a few weeks ago. We had just resolved our first rupture, and she decided to tell me about a few moments from our sessions that stood out to her.

(1) She mentioned the time she came to sit next to me when I was crying, put her arm around me, and comforted me.

(2) She mentioned the time I gave her a letter in which I told her how being in therapy had helped me. In particular, I wrote about how working through my maternal transference with her helped me overcome my maternal void. (3) She mentioned the time when I told her about negative comments my dad and my ex-gf made about me being in therapy. They tried to tell me that my T must just be "putting up with me," and how it was so hard for me to directly ask my T: "Well, is that true?" T looked at me and said "Are you really asking me that? Of course not! I care about you so much and I really like working with you. We have a close relationship and they just don't understand it."

Hearing my T mention these moments really warmed my heart. They served as a really beautiful way of saying "we worked through our rupture and our relationship is stronger because of it." I heart my T

If I had to pick 3 moments, I would have chosen the same three.

I cannot imagine there being a warm moment with the therapist to remember. I had thought there may have been two times where she was not completely incompetent in response to what I said but after referring to one of them recently, she tried to blame me for something that was just blatantly incorrect so now there is just left the time she was not unkind in response to my sick dog. I have asked her just not to talk anymore because it always shows she does not listen nor remember what she has said or what I have said. Her use to me is basically that she does stay back.

Thanks for all the replies. I am thinking perhaps it would be "risky" for me to ask my T that question. I remember the connected sessions but she will probably think the times that I was NOT so connected were memorable because it would mean I was getting healthier. I know she'd be correct from her point of view, but I don't have to be reminded of that again.

I will probably bring up the question in a different way, or if I do ask, I will be prepared for her response or lack of response. I'll play it by ear. Right now, asking her that doesn't seem very important.