[Lily5473]

Today I had my first session with my T after her two week long holiday. While she was gone I went through some intense stuff, and feel like I've withdrawn into myself. Before she left I told her that it's getting hard for me to cope with these really horrible intense feelings I'm having. I don't know where they come from and I can't even identify them. Every time I feel these feelings I start to feel suicidal and that scares me. So the only way I can go on is to repress them. And I told her this today. I used to experience really intense transference towards her, but today I just felt withdrawn, in my own shell. It was a really horrible session. Afterwards I just felt like crying. Part of it is that I think her leaving triggered my abandonment issues. I don't feel anything towards her now expect that she doesn't really care. I feel like I barely know her and I'm not her problem. She said she was really worried about me.

I guess the best thing to do would be just to sit through these emotions and experience them, but its literally the worst thing I've ever felt in my life and I don't know how to make sense of them. Like I said when they come up I feel so horribly sad that I just started thinking about SUI. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? How did you get through this?

[sweepy62]

I agree I been in therapy for less than a year and I have problems expressing these strong emotions I am dealing with trauma processing and it's horrible mind you I just started anyway I see her twice a week because she is backed up and she does not want me to repress feelings when I feel overwhelmed I call crisis and just talk

I'm going through someting similar at the moment. For the last 3-4 months I have had the most intense feelings that I would die if i couldn't see my T, but when I mentioned this to him he didn't seem to recall any of the sessions where I tried to express my feelings. I feel like all that was for nothing, and my difficulty with identifying emotions does help. I don't know what to do, we start a new therapy next month to hopefully help me identify emotions.

[kaliope]

i try to remember that emotions are like ocean waves crashing on the beach. they ebb and flow. the crash over me and threaten to drown me and i panic, but they are eventually going to pull away and i will be able to breathe again. i keep in mind that i am really not going to die from feeling something, it just feels like it, but the feelings will go away eventually, i just have to wait them out.