[healed84]

When I first started therapy I dwelled on the fact that my T was a male and there was no way that I could talk to him about personal things, such as sex. As time marches on, I learn to trust him more, learn to be open with him, I start talking to him as just a T. Not a male or female T, just T.

Today my whole session we talked about masturbation/pornography/male sex drive/my h and mine sex life. I was looking at him at one point in our session and noticed his face and just thought to myself. This is my T, and I can talk to him about anything. Not, this is my male T and hopefully we will get to theses topics.

Anybody else think like this?

[CantExplain]

I think I'm always aware of the sex of the therapist.

[stopdog]

I don't usually think of the therapist in terms of gender at appointments even though I call her that woman. So I do not think oh I am saying this to a female therapist or anything. I doubt, however, that I would forget about gender if I saw a male one. I am not around many men other than students and clients. I do not associate with most of my male colleagues on a regular basis. Sometimes other lawyers are male, but most are women that I work with.

[Kacey2]

I would have to agree healed84! The things I talk about I would only talk with "my t" about. I could not bring myself to talk about these things with another female t. In fact I have a female psychiatrist and I do NOT talk to her about sex, masturbation, porn, fantasies, poop, pee, puke......

I do have to say that I have been working with my t for 5 years at least and I trust him with everything. He has never made me feel uncomfortable. I usually start with a question like, "What are your sexual fantasies?" He used to get derailed but now he knows that it is just my way to break the ice.

It is nice to have that safety, isn't it. I am glad to know their are others out there who get to experience this too. Of course it took many many years to get to this point.

I used to tell T1 that I thought of him as genderless. He used to say something like... I'll try not to take that as an insult. I could talk to him about things that involved my H who is recovering from a porn addiction but I never was able to talk to him or T2 (female) about how that impacted me or our sex life for me... so its obviously not a gender issue for me just a "me issue"

[ready2makenice]

Its weird because I'm the complete opposite!
I could not have a male T,even though logically I know not all men are evil,lying,manipulated,abusive a-holes the child in me is actually terrified of them

I cannot open up to men,I cannot get past the fact that as a whole they are men,and even though I love men,I hate them at the same time

I have a lot of issues, a lot of trauma and abuse
When my T recommended a male psychiatrist,I couldn't even see myself considering it

One of the requirements for my T was that she was in fact a she!!
I wish I could say that I didn't have this problem but I do

I find it hard to trust and open up to other females.

There is no way I could talk about things like sex, or relationship issues, with a female. T or otherwise. It's not as if it is easy to talk to my male T about those things, but at least I have no topics that are inherently impossible to talk about, like I did with my previous female Ts. It's weird, really, because logically a T's gender shouldn't matter, but I find that it does.

I don't do well in all-female contexts at all. There's one guy and twelve women in my unit at work. Not a good mix, and I avoid going to the office unless I really have to (most of my work I can do from home). And that's also not something I could talk to a female T about

So, healed, you have made the kind of progress I don't think I would be able to make in a hundred years What motivated you to seek out this T, back when you thought you would not be able to talk to him about these things? Did you think that you would never need to discuss them, so it wouldn't matter that your T was male?

[Perna]

Much better than me; I originally thought of my T as a chair. We didn't ever discuss sex; chairs aren't sexual

[healed84]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

There is no way I could talk about things like sex, or relationship issues, with a female. T or otherwise. It's not as if it is easy to talk to my male T about those things, but at least I have no topics that are inherently impossible to talk about, like I did with my previous female Ts. It's weird, really, because logically a T's gender shouldn't matter, but I find that it does.

I don't do well in all-female contexts at all. There's one guy and twelve women in my unit at work. Not a good mix, and I avoid going to the office unless I really have to (most of my work I can do from home). And that's also not something I could talk to a female T about

So, healed, you have made the kind of progress I don't think I would be able to make in a hundred years What motivated you to seek out this T, back when you thought you would not be able to talk to him about these things? Did you think that you would never need to discuss them, so it wouldn't matter that your T was male?

T ended up my T as a default really. I just put my name on the waiting list at his office, with a number of different Ts. Because when I called to get an appointment with somebody else in that office they weren't accepting new people at that time. So, I ended up with the next available T.

[feralkittymom]

I'm glad you've had this experience. I wanted a male T because despite abuse, my father was the more nurturing parent. So I never felt gender-neutral in therapy. I wanted to experience gentleness from a male, and I guess I also wanted that experience untainted and to learn to trust in it.

For whatever reason, I've never felt a need for a maternal experience from a woman. Many of my friends and colleagues are women, and I enjoy that dynamic, but it's never been maternal.

But talking about sexual issues outside of an abuse context would be extremely uncomfortable for me with any T.

[lemon80s]

I have a female T and I think I don't want a male T. But to be honest, I don't know it it would matter. When I think about my T I barely think of her as who she is as a person (gender, likes, dislikes, family?). I know nothing about my T and I am glad I don't. I like her and I am glad to have her there, but all these identifying things about her as a person don't matter. They would be in the way anyhow.

So, yeh. I see a therapist and some one I trust professionally and on a more feelings level. That's all I need really.

Like feralkittymom, my dad was abusive, but most of the nurturing I received was from him, and he was never creepy with me. I find it extremely difficult to be in close emotional relationships with other women, although therapy and this board have helped me tremendously in that area. Letting another woman have very private information about me seemed impossible in the beginning of therapy. I think there is no way I would have or could have talked to another woman about most of the issues I have covered with my current T.

I will say that I do not see him as genderless ever. He is very male and that has been both a good and a bad thing. Ideally, I would like him to be gay, like my first therapist, but he is remarkably unwilling to accommodate me in that area.

[wotchermuggle]

I've always felt more comfortable with a male T even though I don't have a lot of males in my life. Even so, there were topics that I thought I could never broach. Over time though, and after learning to trust and depend on T, even those barriers have fallen.

[.Doormouse]

Been hurt by to many men to trust them.
Would never have a male T..... I really couldn't imagine telling my problems to any male.

[scorpiosis37]

My T's gender and sexuality have alway been very present for me in my therapy. I chose a bi/lesbian therapist because I wanted a T who could understand and relate to me around my maternal issues and my cultural experience as a lesbian woman. I could never have worked through my maternal stuff with a male T and, with my previous straight female Ts, talking about my sexuality and sexual experiences was more like giving them a lesson and dispelling ignorance; it did not benefit me or give me any insight. I'm very glad to have my current T because she understands and can relate. However, I wish she were a little looser and more blunt. I'm much more comfortable discussing sex than she is.

I chose my T because he is male. Every female T I have tried has turned me completely off with her coddling or her personal revelations of her own abuse (which I found inappropriate so early on), etc. I detest being treated as fragile and am creeped out by therapists who bring their own issues (beyond just FYI and seemingly only for their own issues) into MY therapy. I'm sure it was just bad luck of the draw with them, but after that happening several times, I swore off trying again with another female.

But once I started with my T, I really don't put much thought into his gender. He's just T, and I can pretty much discuss whatever I need to with him. He creates a very gender-less, safe environment.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Ideally, I would like him to be gay, like my first therapist, but he is remarkably unwilling to accommodate me in that area.

I know, right? Ideally my therapist would be a lesbian! Don't you guys think that if she really, really cared about me, she'd give it the old college try? (I actually don't know for a fact that she hasn't... but I'd be very surprised!) I don't mean try WITH me, I just mean FOR me, you know, so she could get me better. Why can't our therapists accommodate us a little better like that? The selfishness is just appalling.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Ideally, I would like him to be gay, like my first therapist, but he is remarkably unwilling to accommodate me in that area.

Lol! He should be more sensitive to the needs of the patient.

[bluemountains]

I will only see a female t and I tend to choose females in other medical professions as well. I believe this is because of the trauma I suffered as a child.
I see my t as a female, not as genderless. I tend to stay away from sex topics, again a trust issue associated with early trauma. I don't know when I will comfortable enough to work on sex issues. I never felt comfortable with my last t and I was with her for over a year.
Bluemountains

[tinyrabbit]

I wanted a male T. I have issues with both my parents, but my dad was worse and I've been hurt by a lot of men. However, I also always got on better with men in some ways, maybe due to having a brother, and I've had bad experiences with female Ts and just find them annoying.

It's a huge plus point for me that my T has a different body and can't know how certain experiences have felt for me. I like the otherness, if that makes sense.