[ThisWayOut]

I'm not good with goodbyes and endings. I struggle a lot with loss. But it just hit me that my t's internship is ending in a few weeks. I have been so focused in crisis management and getting through the days that I somehow missed the passage of time. Now I might actually be able to get access to a higher level of care, but I would miss out on the last week's with him. Aside of having loss issues, it took a LOT for me to trust him. I'm not sure how to say goodbye and thank you. I'm not sure I want to have to start all over with someone else. And I'm suddenly not sure I want to try more intensive treatment Just yet (though I know I need it)...
I didn't expect to trust him when we first started. I would say much of the first 4 months was getting comfortable with being I'm the same room with him. Now I suddenly don't want to have to say goodbye. I thought I would be the one leaving (because we were only supposed to live here for a year). All those loss issues are spilling back. I really will miss him when he leaves. And I have no idea who I will be seeing next... ...

[SkinnySoul]

I know how you feel, I'm having loss issues and hate goodbyes as well...

All I can say is hang in there and make sure you make your last sessions with him memorable. Open up your heart to him and he'll help you through this.
Hope you feel better soon.

[winter4me]

I am terrible at endings, tend to chop it off quick----I have been learning to do differently but it doesn't always work...I slip back into my well worn rut---I don't know if it is so much "endings" but any transition from one place/person to another...I know that growing up I was never allowed to experience the process of losing something or someone; one day someone, say, was there, the next gone. I would be informed they died bluntly, and in a place where I could not respond, and the subject was not brought up again. I had a certain loved stuffed animal from childhood that I had put away when older. One day, I found him in the trash outside the house---I grabbed him back, I was never asked if it was okay to throw him out...
the absence of people was treated the same way. Once in a while, I remember my mother starting to try to handle a loss differently, but stopped, and returned to the statement that allows no response, no talk, no processing...
What really helped me (more in general than in my very personal life) was unexpectedly going into health care and becoming a nurse almost accidentally. I knew I could not deal with people as I had been dealt with, and I learned about Process.
Do express your feelings, let them out, let them run free----you will feel much better later and your work will continue with less baggage and more hope. Hugs!

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think it must be very tempting to withdraw and detach from your T to avoid hurt - but that probably isn't going to be the best thing for you in the long run.

I think it's worth remembering that, if you start with a new T, you won't be starting all over again right from the beginning. You'll be starting from the point you've got to with this T, which might mean you're able to start working on some deeper stuff, or just that you find it a little easier to talk in the first place.

You have done something really important with this T: you've gone in not expecting to trust him, and managed to build trust with him. That isn't going to be all gone when you terminate - it's given you some building blocks that will help you in your next T relationship. Maybe you live in a slightly different world now, one where you can actually trust a T.

Losing someone hurts, but that pain doesn't have to be a wholly bad thing. I'm thinking of that line from Tennyson about how it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I know losing your T makes it feel like you wish you'd never started with him, but I don't think that's really the case. I think it's better to have him and lose him than never have had him - even if it doesn't feel like it now.

[content30]

I'm so sorry. Your next T can help you work through this, and time will help heal.

If you want, you could write him a nice thank you card to show your gratitude.

[content30]

I'm so sorry. Your next T can help you work through this, and time will help heal.

If you want, you could write him a nice thank you card to show your gratitude.

[winter4me]

I like the card idea.